which is better, i personally have taken a likeness to cinderhulk because i have a very hard time surviving with runeglaive. in general how do i build the to because with
runglaive i normally go
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with cinderhulk (why i have more success surviving, i'm kind of hurting my damage and i feel kind of useless in teamfights)
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I can't really speak to builds. Maybe check out mobafire or something. Elise tends to have good early game and falls off late game, that's why you probably see her built as a tank. For the simple fact that she is kind of useless in team fights beyond a certain point.
I would go 
instead of plate. Also gives armor and that 600 health will not help you out much late. Late game you are basically just looking to land a cocoon or one shot their carries (which elise is very capable of doing with runeglaive).
As for runeglaive vs cinderhulk, I think runeglaive is better if you are playing with just randoms because you can carry the early/mid game and you have very good ganks. Tank gives more teamfighting power but you can't really trust a bunch of random solo q players. In higher elo then it's probably better or the same as runeglaive. Also you should probably get locket if you go tank.
Depends on your playstyle and what your comp needs. Just remember that no matter what enchant you go for, you neeeeed to get beefy by the 40 minute mark. Elise just isn't mobile enough to play an assassin role.
Also, Rylai's is absolutely a second item rush on jungle Elise (unless you are Challenger or LCS, then you need sightstone and Aegis). Here are my two sample build orders:
