What champions can I automatically win with?

So, obviously, playing champs I enjoy playing isn't going to cut it. I go against Yi, any ADC, Teemo, Annie or any other champ who has a painfully simple kit and no skillshots or complex mechanics to speak of, and absolutely have my ass handed to me. For how much Riot touts balance around, I really just have to wonder whether the "balance" team even plays their own game -- the decisions I see them make are just beyond stupidity.

Anyway, ranting aside, what champions are so painfully simple yet ridiculously broken that I can win every game with them? I've lost 9 S2>S1 promos in a row (series, not matches. Probably a good 30 matches in a row), got demoted to S3, got promoted to S2 again, and now I've been demoted to S3 again and I'm sitting at around 45 LP. Every SINGLE loss of mine has been because of either: A) Teammates who I don't think can even dress themselves without help, B) A team made up of the most ridiculously broken champs that it's not even funny, but you know, "balance," or C) Both of the above. So, instead of trying to play the game and have fun, I'm just going to use the boring, broken champs, because that's obviously all Riot wants us to play.

So, what champs can I play that are hilariously broken when all they do is click on people?

On a side note, can the person in charge of balance please explain to me how this game is even remotely balanced? Can you tell me why you saw fit to make the most braindead easy champs the most powerful, by far? I'd really love to know.