how can i climb in my condition
To begin with, i will say that i got adhd, 136 iq and a maverick personnality (i may have some light asperger, i dunno tho, nothing certain).
i started ranked at end of season 6. I want to be at least diamond one day and i set to myself an objective of climbing at least one tier a season. I have huge problems hindering my gameplay. To begin with, i really have no idea what to main, i will try maining some stuff, but as soon as it start losing, i feel the urge of changing main.
I know a lot about the game and how it should be played, but when im actually playing i forget most of it, and i end up following my instinct and it really isnt the best most of time. I can never be consistent. i end up tunnel visioning, forgetting to ward, pushing objs with no vision or forgetting to ping ping mia, engaging ball deep if i see the smallest opportunity without thinking about the stuff that can happen, like a jungler backstabbing, turret damage abilities that can fuck me up...
I either get crazy fed or feed like crazy i know no middle, whenever i'm behind i dont know how to adjust my play, i just keep doing the same thing since i want to get a lead to win, and i can be so stubborn... Like, for example, if i face a darius and die once in a close fight, i will keep fighting in hope of killing him too, and i end up inting even if i dont want to... whenever i'm behind as fuck and the team is hopeless, i just feel like splitting all game, taking objectives no matter if i die since i want so desperately to win every game.
I can go on never ending win-streaks or never-ending lose streaks and i binge play too much but i cant help it cause i cant sleep on a lose and i set myself a climbing objective everytime and if i dont get it, i just spam until i get it or can't play anymore, like for now i wanted to come back to gold before new season start cause i tried too much stuff in preseason and my elo suffered, but i dont want to end lower cause i played in preseason :/, but yeah, it isnt working as expected so it makes me feel like im forced to lose, please help, i can't accept being bad anymore.
and btw, i can get crazy mad in game, but i only get mad at myself or matchmaking, i never flame though cause im empathic, my anger stay all in my head.