I love all these people talking about how Poppy is supposed to be a hypercarry

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No offensive steroids, correct, but still steroids. Since you didn't state that you mean offensive steroids, I thought I should mention it. And her armor and mr are increased by 15% (30% if she is under 40% health). That will be much more than "12 at lvl 18" if you are building her slightly tanky.

That doesn't really help when you're building her core items like

A fully charged ult takes time, that's right. But since you said it is "completely worthless if you're 1v1 someone", you are able to interrupt the cast. The enemy doesn't get knocked away but knocked up, which is defensive while still keeping the enemy you are fighting in your range. Did you see worlds? Some Poppy players there were able to pull some great solo kills with that (and top lane solo kills are kinda special in worlds, it is not very common). It still holds that it is a great defensive tool.

Your ult should help you do your job. Poppy job is killing people - her current ult not super great for that.

And Poppy is a hybrid damage melee carry? Because she has one AP scaling on her W? Everything in her kit is scaling with AD and you are not able to trigger the AP damage from W yourself, the enemy has to dash in it. Poppy is far away from being hybrid damage, you are taking that wrong. She is obviously AD based and not hybrid.

Poppy is a hybrid damage melee carry. If she is currently lacking in proper hybrid scaling, it's probably due to an error on Riot's part - one the balance team will have to fix eventually.

They haven't even tried to make one since Yasuo, and he turned out pretty good

Tanks have been massively more dominant than melee carries ever were since season 5

(how can u say tanks are mobile?)

because are mobile tanks.

Tanks compared to other games are pure and utter shit in league.

overwatch isn't a moba, neither is star wars. Reinhardt is the only pure tank; D.Va and Roadhog are more akin to bruisers by League standards. tanks have been dominant since season 5 and we've gone through 2 tank metas since then; if Riot wasn't so quick about nerfing CoC we'd have gone through a third one for season 7.

dota 2 tanks would have been a better comparison but their tanks aren't just mobile CC bots. some of them do a lot of damage, some of them have a lot of team utility but still work primarily as tanks. Personally I think should be high damage champions with less CC than other tanks, but I get downvoted for suggesting any fixes to the class that would actually make them different from each other (no, different ways of applying CC is not a unique reason to pick them). riot has generally ruined their own game with these sorts of classifications, and forcing champions into very tight definitions of what they can and can't be allowed to do based on their class. if they actually want to fix the tank class then they need to loosen up.

I don't want old poppy back, I want a reworked Poppy that still works as a carry

she has a 55% winrate against Quinn, Kennen and Jayce. 3 of the prominent ranged top laners. She's at 53% vs Illaoi and Pantheon, the only common top laners I can think of that have poke in lane. Oh, she stomps Gnar, too, but that's more because Gnar is shit right now. The only ranged tops she loses to are Teemo (???) and Swain, who has sustain.

That's exactly why her regen is being targeted, I bet; she is absurdly hard to whittle down right now, even with one of the lower-end regen values for a tank.