Need Feedback on Champion Concept
Hi all who are viewing. I have been working on a new champion concept for a while, and I would like to get has much feedback as possible. While I appreciate positive comments, and endorse them, I would also like some negative comments (that aren't rude or demeaning in any way). You can still be negative but constructive about something. Anyhow, lemme introduce you to my passion project: Visia, the Awakened Dreamer.
Visia is my passion project. I love to write in my freedom, and so I decided to make a champion around my favorite character from my writings. Visia is a mage. I haven't decided what secondary she would be. Read below for the kit. Oh, just a note, I NEVER write the tooltip that would be seen in game. I write out every detail that I think should be known to people viewing the concept. Also, the stuff that won't be included are a lore, stats, and that other stuff. Mainly just a pretty picture and the kit. I don't write lores because I am not good with that kind of thing because I don't everything about every faction in the game. Sorry! Stats are secondary and not that important for the rough draft. I add those in later.
KIT:
Passive: Dreamcatcher
Part 1: Each unique takedown Visia achieves grants her one additional skill point to spend on her basic abilities. After completing all five takedowns, Visia is granted a bonus point for completing her Dreamcatcher. Visia's basic abilities are now able to be maxed until rank 7.
Note - Visia cannot just spend points from level up to get the bonus ranks. These ranks are unique to her Dreamcatcher points. With this being said, Visia cannot get her ultimate early.
Part 2: Dream Flow
Visia has a third resource bar called Dream Flow. Dream Flow grants Visia's next basic ability a bonus effect. These will be listed on each power respectively.
https://i.imgur.com/IEQajeV.png
Q: Twilight Beam
Range: 1150 / Mana: 50/65/80/95/110 / Type: Skillshot
Tap: Visia releases a beam of dream matter in a straight line that deals 20/25/30/35/40 (+20% AP) magic damage to 40/70/100/130/160 (+65% AP) magic damage, based on distance, stopping at the first enemy champion hit. If an enemy champion is hit, then two astral owls strike them, each one dealing 10/15/20/25/30 (+15% AP) true damage.
Hold: Visia channels her stream of dream matter, reducing her movement by 20% for the duration, draining 6/7/8/9/10 mana per half-second, and deals 50/65/80/95/110 (+33% AP) magic damage each second and applies a slow that grows in effectiveness each time they are hit with Twilight Beam. After 3 strikes, the target gets rooted for 1.25 seconds. The effect stops at the first enemy champion hit.
Dream Flow: Twilight Beam no longer stops at the first champion hit.
https://i.imgur.com/IEQajeV.png
W: Dreamer's Veil
Range: 1 / Mana: 60/75/90/105/120 / Type: Self Buff
Visia enters the dream realm, negating 10/12.5/15/17.5/20% of the damage inflicted upon her. While in the dream realm, she rapidly loses at a rate of 30/35/40/45/50 mana per second.
Dream Flow: The negated damage instead become a shield worth 5/10/15/20/25% of the negated damage's value.
https://i.imgur.com/IEQajeV.png
E: Whispers of Slumber
Range: 750 / Effect Range: 200 / Mana: 30/35/40/45/50 / Type: AoE Debuff
Visia summons a swirling mass of light and stars over a targeted area. Enemies touched by the stars are marked with Whispers of Slumber. If an enemy marked by Whispers of Slumber is damaged by Visia, then the mark detonates, causing the enemy to become drowsy for .5 seconds before falling asleep for 1.5 seconds. If the mass of stars is hit by another of Visia's spells, then it explodes, dealing 60/100/140/180/220 (+75% AP) magic damage to all enemies within the star's radius.
Dream Flow: Drowsy is instantly applied to all enemies with in the area.
https://i.imgur.com/IEQajeV.png
R: Unleashed Dreams
Range: 1/ Effect Radius: 750 / Mana: 100 / Type: Single Target
Visia calls upon the spirits of dream realm. The spirits lend their aid to Visia and her team, granting her 3 familiars (3 butterflies) that will periodically strike enemies or heal Visia and her allies. The familiars will always prioritize hitting their own target or enemies attacking Visia. A familiar cannot attack back to back, each familiar must damage then heal, or heal then damage. Each familiar will grant Visia Dream Flow. The spirits last for 8 seconds.
Damage: 50/100/150 (+55% AP) magic damage.
Heal: 60/120/180 (+55% AP).
Dream Flow: The spirits are overcharged and grant Visia five familiars.
https://i.imgur.com/IEQajeV.png
Inspiration for art:
Credits: Legend of the Cryptids
https://i.imgur.com/IEQajeV.png
Lore - N/A
I don't normally write lores for champions. :P It is also weird because I created this character for a story of mine, so yea...
Basics:
Faction - Ionia
Blessed by a spirit of Ionia.