So is honor gained by being nice to your teams or carrying?

You get honor just by playing. If you get "honored" and/or your whole teams "honors" someone, you get a little bit more. That's it. It is not as complex as everyone makes it out to be. We just don't see the progress which makes it seem more mysterious than it is.

If you carry. Take it from me: a support main who almost never tilts, who tries to be nice and that has played about 10 games since season 8, and yet still only honor 2.

Both.

If your teammate isn't tilted and you're nice, you get an honor.

If you carry without shit talking, you get even more honors.

If you play Soraka and don't die much, you get all the honors.

Either by making a big play, being premade or completely RNG.

I seem to get most of mine for not losing my shit and doing what I can to help even when everyone is fucking up.

People often honor whoever carried, but they also honor people who are pleasant in game. People are also significantly more likely to honor after a win than a loss. You also get significantly more honors for doing well with offmeta.

Like as mentioned above if you're looking to get your honor level up again it's more about not being reported than it is being honored

But as for your question it really depends on how your teammates value you

if you play champ that can save people you get honors