Today has been, by far, the most disappointing day I've had playing LoL.

Seven games, back to back to back, where it felt like no matter what I did, I had absolutely no control over the game. Try to roam and get my allies ahead when they're behind? They lose our lead by feeding in the jg, or I get caught 3v1 topside in a dive before I can even try to roam. Try to stay in lane and farm? Ally comes to try and help and feeds the enemy I've been beating 400g for first blood, as well as assist gold for the enemy jg. Try to initiate plays? Team doesn't follow up. Try to stay back and clear waves? Team decides it's time to play aggro. Go jg myself and try to build a farm lead + gank when possible? Team either can't follow up with ganks or goes in too late, resulting in at least one of US dying instead of the enemy.

I get the "win more, get matched with better opponents" mentality. Really, I do - but my winrate has been below 50% for so damn long that I REALLY don't understand what's going on anymore. Every game it feels like I'm against a team who understands how to play, while my team is just barely picking the game up for the first time. It feels like any agency I may have had before is just GONE now. I can't control the flow of the game no matter how much I try to, but the enemy can do it with just one good player. It's so damn demoralizing and honestly I've literally NEVER had a streak this bad before.

This matchmaking sucks. Honestly, it does. I'm not saying it in the way most people do - I don't think Riot is really forcing any 50% winrate on us (again, I haven't hit 50% in SOOO long) - but game after game after game, feeling like it's over at FIVE MINUTES, is appalling.

I know I'm not the best player, I know I do things wrong, but when a) I honestly feel like I'm doing the majority of things RIGHT and I STILL get stomped by 5 min, b) I have literally NO opportunity to learn how to improve because we're down 10k gold in under 20 min, forced out of our jungle, and starved for farm, and c) THIS OCCURS MULTIPLE GAMES IN A ROW, WITHOUT FAIL, I seriously CANNOT get better. And this shit honestly is making me lose the drive to.

I love this game, I've put many hours and a fair amount of money into it, but honestly this fuckin' sucks.