what the hell are these queue times.

Que as support

It's at least 5 min for ranked in silver 4 unless I q as support.

That's what happens when people start quitting a game due to poor decisions made by the company (dynamic queue), bad balance, and overall less fun gameplay.

But according to Riot, and a handful of trolls on here, everything is perfectly fine.

Try queuing as Support. Most of the time, you'll get a match in less than a second.