The story of how Tahm Kench's damage isn't actually broken

Alot of people seem to think that Tahm Kench's damage is beyond broken for a tank, that he does way too much despite the fact that he's immobile, has no ult, and only so-so base damages on his abilities (but oh no ult passive so bwoken) So I'm here to clear the air, using the most disgusting of practices imaginable. The most downright foul, disturbing method available to human kind, seen by many as evil, and maybe even satanic.

Math.

Let's get started.

32% max health. This seems to be the main reason why people call the kench a broken sack of lard, but lets look deeper into his actual damage pattern. Let's look at an ADC's max health, say, Ashe. Let's assume Tahm and Ashe are both level 9 because That's when Tahm's W would be at rank 5 assuming you maxed it first. At level 9, Ashe has a base health of 1060.

Tahm has 2 points in Q, so it does 125 damage, and at level 9, he'll have 78 AD. Let's assume it took Tahm a Q and 2 AA's to get the Ashe up to 3 stacks of AAT. That's 125 + 78 + 78 damage, or roughly 281 damage. Now let's add the 339 ( 32% of 1060) damage from his level 5 Devour, and you've got 620 damage total. Now after his immediate burst damage, I don't believe Tahm would have his Q off of cooldown fast enough to get another one out, but let's assume he did, that's another Q plus maybe another two AA's. So that's 620 + 160 + 125 = 905

Now I know what you're thinking. "B-but Jbels-kun, what about his ult passive? Surely t'was the cause for such uproar? Also will you sign my shir-"

Fine, you want to know how much his ult factors into this? I estimate at most the biggest item Tahm could have at level 9 is a Deadman's plate, which is 600 bonus health, so an extra 4% of his bonus health, or 24 + 20 base, so 44 for each one, which is still miniscule, and puts him in the same ballpark as sejuani is in.

But just for the sake of the devil's favorite pastime, let's use more math anyway. 2 Q's = 250 + 88 = 338 + 339 + 44 = 721

Now for the four Auto attacks (78 + 24) x 4= 102 x 4 =408

721+ 408 = 1129

Now let's look at Sejuani, who with 5 points into her Flail, gets up to 160 + 18% max health damage to her target every 7 seconds, 3 if the cooldown begins at cast and not at end of ability, which I'm not currently sure about.

So lets assume sej ran into Ashe in the jungle and immediately pounces onto Ashe. her dash will only have 1 point in it I assume, so that's 80 right there. 18% of 1060 is 191, and assuming Sej can get about 3 AA's in during the duration of her Flail, that's 80 + 80 + 80 + 80, or 320, + 191 + 160, so 320 + 191 + 160, or 671 damage total.

Her ult is an additional 150 damage, and her E is another 90, so 240 altogether. 240 + 671 = 911 damage. But lets say Sej got an extra AA during the slow from E, and another from the stun. That's another 160 damage. 911 + 160 = 1071 damage. That's pretty damn similar to Tahm. But no, Tahm's damage is disgusting. Fuck that immobile bastard who has to fulfill conditions to get all of his damage off.

Now I know alot of you people are going to say to me, "You're a f*cking idiot. Tahm's ult passive will give him so much free damage by the late game that he'll out damage any tank! Use math to explain that you mother f-" But guess who also has a shit ton of damage by that point? The ADC who spent all game farming to get late game items, the mage who's done the same. And guess who's damage gets out faster and more reliably at that point? You guessed it, the mage and ADC. And guess what they have that absolutely shred's Tahm Kench? Last whisper and Void Staff. By that point in the game, Tahm isn't even the main threat anymore, so arguing that his late game damage is stupid is...well, stupid.

Now! I hope this has been eye opening for anyone who thinks that Tahm Kench's damage is far above the curve. I'll gladly do the math on other tanks if you're still skeptical