Let's take a page from Duskblade!

All items should have purely positive effects that take no thought into consideration when using them, being purely passive and allowing people to throw all planning to the wind in favor of doing more explosions and sick plays boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

For example, look at this piece of shit:

What the fuck is this? Some kind of active that turns you invulnerable for 2.5 seconds? Fuck that, that's dumb. Why would it even do that? It should be 5 seconds. And it shouldn't require you to hit it because you might forget it, so when you're gonna totally bite the dust or whatever this passive just straight up kicks in and saves your ass.

But it also makes you sit still, so that's fucking stupid. I mean, you might die that way, and if you die then less sick plays happen, so let's allow you to move during that period of time because god forbid you have to actually check your surroundings and plan carefully to make sure it's actually a good idea to use this acti- I mean now-passive so that you aren't immediately dog-piled or clusterfucked into oblivion upon leaving your stasis. God forbid there's a risk and reward to doing something and there's actual counterplay around an item. Like, what the fuck is that shit?

But also, there's not enough utility here yet. We need more stuff. More utility and stuff. Let's make it fire out wards in all directions in every bush on the map. That'll work. And these wards will last only 15 seconds less than your average ward because we don't want to make it completely pointless to buy a sweeping le- I mean warding trinket. Also, just for shiggles, this item should also have scaling armor pen because I mean, fuck it why not.

What do you mean that's stupid? That's genius.

What? is an AP item?

Oh. Fuck that, then. Just remove it from the game then.