For those lanes you know you're going to get completely fucked in.
450G +100 HP +50% base health regen UNIQUE Passive: Lower death timer by 2 seconds. UNIQUE Passive: Each time you get XP from a minion kill but no allied champion gets the killing blow, heal 10 HP.
Something along these lines for absolutely rough lanes, to give people a fallback option.
The Yetii Rider60 votesOnly if it's flavored for my pleasure.
Dealth57 votesMight as well just start 
500000000000000029 votesMake it 250G so you can buy 5 pots
Knalxz2 votesNah, it knows you need the gold. It's also one of those items that gives you free refills on your pots.
Knalxz20 votesI don't know how I feel about a joke thread leading to something I actually want in the game.
Skaiserus4 votesBut it's not in the M&G thread. ;)
Pierce The Veal12 votesI... actually really want this item. It will make being melee in mid or top a lot more tolerable.
PaladinNO9 votesFor those lanes you know you're going to get completely fucked in.
Primaquarius3 votesTaric has done this before, I see
PaladinNO3 votes
Aakesh6 votesmake top lane more tolerable when it comes to melee vs range crap
RetroSplurge4 votesAnd Pantheon. Pantheon is aids. I do not like Pantheon.
Hauling Ashe5 votesI was in class when I read this.
I learned to not read the League boards when in class.
GULAG 4 U1 votesWhy are you even using your phone in class, I mean don't do it unless your avergae is 96
Hauling Ashe1 votesI wasn't on my phone. In college you can use your laptop for 'notes'.
GULAG 4 U1 votesWoops I misread you
Gnart Even Close2 voteswhy aren't you on the boards during class?
GULAG 4 U1 votesWhen you are performing too well academically
IceKingChernobog4 votesDoes it come in strawberry flavor?
Juggernaut6282 votesBacon flavor [slayer-pantheon-thumbs]
OHminus3 votes"This item presents too much counterplay. Therefore, we would like to introduce a new item, doran's dildo. For those lanes where you wanna **** your opponent into oblivion"
-Rito
GrReaper962 votesBut then Champions like 
would "abuse" it
CithriaC1 votesDon't know about that, most of those champions, but janna, would probably want the ap or ad item instead since adc's need damage to stay relevent. Though they could use it if they can't get anywhere near the creeps without dying.
GrReaper962 votesYOUR HEAD
invisiblecat12 votesannie though...
GrReaper962 votesif her age is on the clock....
OHminus1 votes
would use up 9 bottles. One for each tail.
Also, 
would abuse this item the most. Kek.
Zenderana1 votesWhat about for adc/supp people who are going to get stomped on in lane.
1 800 GGTOOEZ6 votesWhat about for adc/supp people who are going to get stomped on in lane.
This would, by its very nature, be a bad item to build on an ADC, because an ADC who is behind needs damage - ADCs are compltely irrelevant if they don't have damage, so they have to keep building it even when behind. A support whose ADC is not getting last hits for whatever reason can get this.
M Dragon141 votesIdk about that. An item that would allow you to stay in lane longer and lose less in the long run would provide you with more damage later due to the cs gained that you wouldn't have had with another item.
In other words, if this item allows you to lane much better, the damage difference may not matter.
Adriqnohee1 votesThe sustain is only applied if no one gets the minion kill, so while you're indeed staying in the lane longer, at most is only going to make sure you're 1-2 levels behind in the mid game, and since ADCs don't really care about level that much, staying in the lane without getting gold is almost pointless.
it be lìke that1 votesid start that for those passives even when i could win lane?
feast is a talent and has a 20 cd....
EternalShred1 votesOne of the funniest threads i ever read xD
Das BrotatoChip1 votesI like this idea, but the passive is definitely a little too strong. Maybe if you only got healing from minions that neither you nor an allied champion killed, it would be more of what you're talking about. But as it is, it sounds like you're talking about an item that gives you 60-70 health per minion wave at level 1, which would allow just about any lane bully to go super ham. I definitely agree that we need a new defensive item start, because Doran's Shield is super under powered compared to basically every other item you can realistically start with.
Tessel81 votesI think that's what he meant to say, that as long as no one from your team got the creep, then it would give you hp
1 800 GGTOOEZ1 votes[{quoted}](name=Das BrotatoChip,realm=NA,application-id=3ErqAdtq,discussion-id=3FzeVPFn,comment-id=000f,timestamp=2016-10-19T16:41:09.380+0000)
I like this idea, but the passive is definitely a little too strong. Maybe if you only got healing from minions that neither you nor an allied champion killed, it would be more of what you're talking about. But as it is, it sounds like you're talking about an item that gives you 60-70 health per minion wave at level 1, which would allow just about any lane bully to go super ham. I definitely agree that we need a new defensive item start, because Doran's Shield is super under powered compared to basically every other item you can realistically start with.
"Allied champion" includes yourself, just like it does in every other ability. Those that don't either say (an)other allied champion, or explicitly exclude you.
franticFurball1 votesOnly if it comes with gems.
LatetotheRace1 votesThis is hilariously perfect in just about every way.
the weeaboo1 votesWhy lube though haha
Boogs6 votes"For those lanes you know you're going to get completely_ fucked_ in"
AirKingNeo1 votesYou forget 10% damage reduction if you are melee and the opponent is ranged.
NYRxCorona1 votesI get that this is satire, but if that passive was real it would almost promote dying in rough lanes. Like oh well i can come back sooner. I think it would be interesting to have an ultra defensive starting item though.
1 800 GGTOOEZ1 votesI get that this is satire, but if that passive was real it would almost promote dying in rough lanes. Like oh well i can come back sooner. I think it would be interesting to have an ultra defensive starting item though.
This started as satire, but I realized that this would actually be something I would want to see while making the post.
GemCrash1 votesproxy singed would abuse it
A Liberal1 votesKarthus
Darkwind1 votesNote that this item is broken in low elo, where you only get like 25% of the CS even if you're not under pressure
