I just realized: Narrative's Great Retcon left Doran, the brain-damaged child inventor, homeless.
http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100917003131/leagueoflegends/images/9/98/Institute_of_War.jpg
First, for those unversed in the story of Doran, let me introduce you to one of the most, uh, striking bits of lore in the entire Riot catalogue. (That set of lore, which I call the "Wow, really, Riot?" collection, also includes Lux being a broken wreck with an ever-cheerful facade and Teemo being a sociopathic murderer who sheds no tears for the enemies of his glorious yordle home.)
I present to you: the story of Doran, from the Journal of Justice.
“What is the story of Doran and his trinkets that the League so frequently uses? Who was Doran? When did he live? Why did he create these items? I've always been curious as to the origins of these items I use so frequently in my matches.” – Summoner Afrasabi of Noxus
The story of Doran tugs at the heartstrings. They say Effrem E. Doran was born with a hammer in his hands and a forge in his heart. Every object he touched, he found ways to improve, and he knew that he was destined to be a brilliant artificer. At the age of 15, he was invited to the League with an offer to assume the role of Master Artificer, a dream come true and an unprecedented honor for one so young. However, fate had other plans. En route, his carriage broke an axle. When he leaned down to inspect it, he was kicked in the head by his donkey, a stern blow. He stumbled back onto the wagon, but when he arrived at the Institute of War he was a different boy. The kick had rendered his mind soft, but it hadn’t robbed him of his passion. He still wanted nothing other than to craft, but where once he may have created singular masterpieces, he now crafted…somewhat simpler items, and many of them. He is a kind, goofy, good-hearted soul, and he takes pride in the work he does. His items are daily selected by champions on the Fields of Justice, and he has a permanent home at the Institute.
("Hey, you know what our fantasy newspaper needs more of? Traumatic brain injury. Like, with kids.")
That's right. Your gold-efficient, non-upgradable starting items are made by a mentally handicapped child inventor. He lives at the Institute, where he probably gets a lot of thumbs-up encouragement and a steady, slightly uncomfortable stream of "Good work, buddy" reassurances from Summoners and Champions.
Or at least, so it used to be.
I've long opposed the Great Retcon, but only today did its most tragic consequence occur to me: by retconning the League of Legends from League of Legends, Narrative has simultaneously rendered poor little Doran homeless. Wow, Narrative. Show some heart.
(Don't worry, he's not really homeless. He still has a safe, warm place to stay at the Institute in Factions lore. We'll take care of him. Happy Snowdown, little guy.)
