The Shadow Isles: Some say they don't exist…
This is not a particularly constructive or useful thread. It's also not a hateful or angry thread. I just thought this was funny.
For a while, the community has been making fun of certain aspects of "New Lore" for being, well, "dark and mysterious." It seems to be the New Lore's favorite trope, after "now, s/he wanders Valoran on a quest for vengeance." The first example I noticed, before I realized that the Great Retcon was coming, was Elise saying:
The Shadow Isles. SOME say they don't exist…
I didn't even understand this at the time. I thought somebody had just screwed up. I was like, uhhh, guys, the Shadow Isles may be pretty spooky and scary, but it seems like people know they exist. There's a Field of Justice in the Isles, the Twisted Treeline. Pretty sure Demacia knows about the enormous island of ghouls and zombies off their coast. Can't they cast Detect Evil at will?
Today, I was reading Nasus' new lore while working on a project, and:
To some, Nasus is a demigod who walks among the ruins of an ancient civilization; to others, he is nothing more than a myth.
What is he, Sasquatch? People don't even know if there's a towering demigod roaming around the desert? It's not like he's stealthy. His taunt is like five seconds long.
YOUR LEGACY SHALL DRIFT AWAY
Valor, you hear something?
BLOWN INTO ETERNITY
Give it a rest, Demacia. I heard you thought Lissandra was some kind of monster.
LIKE THE SANDS
Oh, shut up.
OF THE DESERT.
Okay, wait, I heard something, too.
Behind that column over there, right?
Yeah.
stealthily steps out from behind column and walks away in a dignified manner
Please tell me you'll sign an affidavit so Prince Jarvan doesn't make fun of me again.
Sure.
(Or will I?) :3
SHE…BETRAYS! QUINN!
What now?
Oh, uh, nothing. He just says that sometimes.
Really? Because I'm thinking it might be because you're about to betr—
NASUS CANNOT ESCAPE ME FOREVER!
continues walking slowly away
(pops up from tumble) I SMELL BLACK MAGICS!
(alarmed) WHERE DID SHE COME FROM!?
Oh, she does that.
And Vayne, seriously. AGAIN. That's cardamom. You smell cardamom.
How are you people a superpower?
hey renek u look vengeful
want help? im diamond smurf
(punches her in the head and keeps chasing Nasus)
Does anyone in the new Runeterra know what they're doing? I know New Lore doesn't have a Summoners Corps that can be dispatched to check into arcane phenomena and provide awesome adventure stories about ambitious young mages exploring a world of mystery while grappling with treacherous political rivalries totally ruin the plot by being all-powerful puppetmasters, but can't Ashe be troubled to cast hawkshot every now and then?
Actually, I lied. There is one ulterior motive for this thread. Which is to quote Invader Zim.
Zim: My Tallest, an opportunity to prove I truly can be an Invader is all that I ask! …gimme! Red: (to Purple) Hold on, I've got a plan. Red: (to Zim) We see now that you are truly deserving. Zim: (satisfied) Yes. Yes, I am. Red: You will be sent to a planet so mysterious…no one has even heard of it! Purple: Right! And those who have heard of it…dare not speak its name! Zim: What's its name? Purple: (immediately) Oh, I dare not speak it. Zim: Where is it? Red: Um... (he starts hovering around, searching the holograph of the universe for a planet) Uh... Uh... Um... Right there! Red points to a slip of paper taped to the holograph pole that shows the outline of a planet and a question mark in it with the word 'planet?' written underneath it. Zim: Ooh! Oooooooooh! A secret mission! Red: Happy now? Zim: Yes.
Ahhh, Zim.
I would be remiss (ha. ha.) not to mention Rammus:
The mysteries that surround Rammus are numerous.
In my mind's eye, I can actually see a Rioter glancing at the clock and sort of cringing-shrugging as they type this, anxiously hesitating, then continuing on as they think it's fine, just keep going. You got this. Meanwhile, their degree from Vassar frowns upon them from its place on the wall. I know that when I write "The reasons for this are numerous." it's usually written while thinking to myself, and, uh, I'm not actually sure what they are.
How did a simple creature of the desert suddenly become able to reason? How did he craft his vaunted suit of armor?
So people know enough to ask questions about the crafting skills of talking armordillos, but whether Nasus exists is an ineluctable mystery? Wait, did I just ask a question myself? What has Narrative done to my mind? How did a simple cupcake trap suddenly become able to post in Boards?
What is he searching for as he crosses the Shurima Desert?
Not Nasus, apparently.
One thing is for certain: trying to stop the inexorable Rammus is a fool's mission.
How and why do you stop someone when you don't even know what he's doing? I assume it's to interrogate him about the numerous mysteries of his background.
The few who survive trespassing his domain describe a creature of terrifying intelligence, anger, and precision.
Really? Precision? How exactly did they have occasion to observe his precision? Was he frosting cupcakes when they entered his cave or something?
What this merciless creature protects, no one knows.
And those that do know, dare not speak its name!
At least we're not the only ones confused.
Now, he is little more than a rage-fueled beast who seeks to kill his brother Nasus, who he believes is to blame for his current state of mind.
NASUS! WHERE IS HE?
Some say he is but a myth.
May I ask how you became able to reason? Or how you acquired that very unwieldy-looking weapon?
CURSES! HE WILL NOT ESCAPE ME FOREVER!
Incidentally, I am impressed by your intelligence, and your precision.
(shyly glancing back at his bonsai collection)
Oh, really, it's just something to pass the time.
Also your anger.
IT'S JUST THAT I MISS MY KIND!
You have kind?
I'M NOT SURE ANYMORE.
i can help u avenge them
(chuckles) Oh, you.
(lovably hapless shrug)
(good-natured laughter)
"Islands of unusual shadows, I don't think they exist."
Me and the squirrel are friends
