Act 2 is...

Hellioning·Jul 24, 2015·1 votes·1,106 views

Well, Riot, you're kinda losing me. Maybe it's just me, but I find the kind of action sequences you're writing about to be...distracting. I don't need to know that when Graves' gun clicks, he needs to reload. It's unnecessary detail that just seems there to take up space and pad wordcount.

I'm also kinda irritated that you chose to introduce Miss Fortune by focusing on how beautiful she is, but meh, she'll get her chance to shine next act.

And Gangplank is kinda...over the top, I'd say. Him scrimshawing a living man's bones for betraying him? Okay, I guess, it shows that he's sadistic. This apparently being his common punishment for hurting him in some way? Kinda just goes over the top.

9 Comments

ModWulf HelhammerJul 24, 20157 votes

Miss Fortune's big thing is that she is beautiful. Look up her lore

And the intense description is just a matter of taste. I personally greatly enjoy a book or story with good description in it, and as it appears, so does the author/supervising editor of the Bilgewater stories. You don't, but as I said, it's all just a matter of taste.

HellioningJul 24, 20151 votes

Considering that we just got told that MF's isn't just going to be 'batting here eyelashes at the men' the fact the first thing she does in this story is look really pretty isn't a good sign. Yes, I'm aware that her original League judgement starts with 'Miss Fortune spills into the Great Hallway with the same tenacity that she spills into her silk blouse - both taxed to contain her.'

That is not a good thing.

Valaran NaraJul 24, 20154 votes

{quoted}

Considering that we just got told that MF's isn't just going to be 'batting here eyelashes at the men' the fact the first thing she does in this story is look really pretty isn't a good sign. Yes, I'm aware that her original League judgement starts with 'Miss Fortune spills into the Great Hallway with the same tenacity that she spills into her silk blouse - both taxed to contain her.'

That is not a good thing.

I'm going to say this, by the looks of it, she keeps up a facade. As in, she's like that in front of most people, so they can have one opinion of her, that beautiful little girl who shakes her hips and knows how to have fun. She is known for using her charm and looks to get things she wants, so what happened is reasonable.

Especially since it appeared that once one of her crew appeared, she left the tavern using htat "smile" of hers, then suddenly became very VERY serious. Not only that, but TF felt like him and Graves were somehow set up during Act I.

It appears that Miss Fortune may have actually set that chain of events up herself.

She's BW's best bounty hunter. She just got Graves, T.F., and GP all in one small area together. All of them done a bunch of crimes and deeds to earn a high bounty upon each of their heads.

So, yeah. The first thing she did was "look pretty", but that's more for show like how GP's whole scrimshawing thing seems less like "Hey, I'ma kill everybody because I'm a dark sadistic mofo" and more because "Well, this was how I was raised by me dad, this is the life I'm in. Not doing it for the fun as much as to make sure things are done...'properly'."

HellioningJul 24, 20151 votes

I'm aware. She is probably going to be really awesome next act and it, hopefully, will be really cool.

Just kinda wish Riot didn't spend so long talking about how cute she is.

GreenLoreJul 24, 20152 votes

GP did that to someone from his crew who tried to betray him,with a place like Bilgewater you need to make sure that no one dares to stand against you.

HellioningJul 24, 20152 votes

That's kinda reasonable, but his last line indicates he is planning on doing the same to TF and Graves. 'Torture one person because he betrayed you' is dark and edgy. 'This is what I do for fun' goes a bit too far for someone trying previously known for eating oranges and being k.

GreenLoreJul 24, 20155 votes

Well Twisted Fate tried to steal from him and Graves also killed several of his men while chasing after TF.

And GP was actually always a rather dark character.Prerework,he killed his own father to take over the crew and he was known to kill his own men when they disobeyed him.Its just that his ingame persona didn't reflect this at all.

HellioningJul 24, 20151 votes

I guess. It really feels more like edgy for the sake of edgy.

KrizalidJul 24, 20151 votes

Although I might agree with you about Miss Fortune's introduction being a "bunch of hearts into the face", you have to admit that the next paragraph reveals her being pretty grim and serious. Her party behaviour is actually nothing more than a mask to look fervent and matey. I kinda like these details, they tell a lot about her and make you look different on her character.