Act 2 is...

Hellioning·7/24/2015, 12:27:13 AM·1 votes·1,106 views

Well, Riot, you're kinda losing me. Maybe it's just me, but I find the kind of action sequences you're writing about to be...distracting. I don't need to know that when Graves' gun clicks, he needs to reload. It's unnecessary detail that just seems there to take up space and pad wordcount.

I'm also kinda irritated that you chose to introduce Miss Fortune by focusing on how beautiful she is, but meh, she'll get her chance to shine next act.

And Gangplank is kinda...over the top, I'd say. Him scrimshawing a living man's bones for betraying him? Okay, I guess, it shows that he's sadistic. This apparently being his common punishment for hurting him in some way? Kinda just goes over the top.

9 Comments

ModWulf Helhammer7/24/2015, 12:33:31 AM7 votes

Miss Fortune's big thing is that she is beautiful. Look up her lore

And the intense description is just a matter of taste. I personally greatly enjoy a book or story with good description in it, and as it appears, so does the author/supervising editor of the Bilgewater stories. You don't, but as I said, it's all just a matter of taste.

GreenLore7/24/2015, 12:34:18 AM2 votes

GP did that to someone from his crew who tried to betray him,with a place like Bilgewater you need to make sure that no one dares to stand against you.

Krizalid7/24/2015, 1:17:44 AM1 votes

Although I might agree with you about Miss Fortune's introduction being a "bunch of hearts into the face", you have to admit that the next paragraph reveals her being pretty grim and serious. Her party behaviour is actually nothing more than a mask to look fervent and matey. I kinda like these details, they tell a lot about her and make you look different on her character.