If Junglers Were Attornies

Virgin Ray·Sep 1, 2016·44 votes·1,901 views

Are you struggling in your lane? Are you sick of getting pushed in your own tower and dying? Call 1-800-INEEDAGANK right now and our junglers will be there to help. If you do not get a kill, we won't charge you a CS at all! That's right! No minion tax if we don't get a kill when we gank!

Call right now and we'll give you the kill when we gank your lane, with no minion tax! You heard us! Call now and we'll give you the kill and not tax your lane! Call 1-800-INEEDAGANK now for your free consultation.

44 Comments

Juggernaut628Sep 1, 201611 votes

Sped up messages stating how the jungler is not responsible for you losing the game or feeding the enemy laner

That goes right after the last line.

Spaceman5pffSep 1, 201610 votes

Hold on but I tax unless I get the kill

Im an expensive attorney [zombie-nunu-tears]

Virgin RaySep 1, 201622 votes

#Attorney Payment Bill

1 Caster Minion 1 Caster Minion 1 Caster Minion

1 Melee Minion 1 Melee Minion 1 Melee Minion

1 Cannon Minion

1 Siege Minion

You were found stealing the jungler's pentakill therefore we have the right to charge you extra minions of

1 Baron Empowered Siege Minion 1 Baron Empowered Cannon Minion 1 Baron Empowered Banner Of Command Siege Minion

These payments must be paid by the following game time 45:32

Failure to comply to this bill will result in double the minion tax and no jungler to gank you ever again.

CheekynorthSep 1, 20162 votes

I need to do this when I play jungler again. Just take 3 CS if they got the kill though. In my eyes, kill = 3 CS so if the jungler doesn't get the kill then he deserves 3 CS to boost the assist reward

Supreme Senpai69Sep 1, 20161 votes

I usually take 1-2 waves of CS because for some reason, even when they get the kill, they aggressively horde all of the CS and I have to compete with them. I'd be happy with 3-6 (a kill is worth around 15) but to get that 3-6 I end up staying for multiple waves, and we both lose the CS :/

dominusxSep 1, 20161 votes

Just gank take the kill take 2 waves proxy the next one win game by huge gold differential xD. it's funny when i smurf and tax the shit out of the lanes and end up level 18 by the time the enemy jungler is lvl 13

Dr PoroSep 1, 20161 votes

Junglers don't gank to fill their own pockets. You do it to put the laners ahead. Minion tax is just a stupid bronze thing. The only time you should kill lane minions during the early game is a) Your laner is not there and would miss the CS anyways (if under turret, push until out of turret, if not, then just last hit and freeze). b) You just killed the opponent/forced a recall and they have no tp so you can shove the wave under their turret.

Edit: I'm sorry, I forgot about this being a M&G thread.

CheekynorthSep 1, 20161 votes

I was joking

LimrickSep 2, 20162 votes

If taxing is a Bronze thing, why do even Challenger players do it? Also, Junglers are a low-income role, if they take time off of their clearing to gank for you, and they don't get a kill off of it, like if the enemy flashed, they should be allowed to take some CS so they aren't losing too much money.

Dr PoroSep 2, 20161 votes

Support is a low income role, should they tax one minion per wave too?

There are high income junglers (the afk farm ones) but those aren't really in the meta. The strongest meta junglers are those that do well with the least amount of gold.

LimrickSep 2, 20162 votes

Dude...

Jungle creeps don't give gold at the same rate as lane creeps. Junglers that only farm and nothing else, still dont make as much as laners that only farm.

Support have special items to give them a source of money, and support items in general are dirt cheap. Junglers have to get normal items on a smaller budget.

It isn't gonna kill you to let the jungler have a little farm from your lane. Especially if they got your opponent to flash.

Dr PoroSep 2, 20161 votes

It's not going to kill you, but not taxing would give the laners a bigger advantage. If your laner is a shen, sure, you can tax. He doesn't snowball with money. But if it's a kogmaw and you tax, you are the worst teamplayer in the game. Have you ever seen a jungler in LCS tax? Maybe in the rare occasion that they play carry jungler will they tax toplane. But they never ever tax the mid or adc unless they're helping to push the lane which isn't taxing. Taxing is for bad players or selfish soloQers who wish to solocarry the game.

You don't have to believe me. Just stay in silver/bronze like the majority of the people.

Mad King HadesSep 2, 20161 votes

Guess I don't have to gank anyone anymore, I am not allowed to kill nor take a minion or 4. I'll just counterjungle their jungler then just to draw attention away from the lanes, but nothing else.

Dr PoroSep 2, 20161 votes

If you are jungle, unless you are something like master yi or kog'maw, you are not going to solocarry. Your job is to put your laners at an advantage and help them snowball. Ganking is something you do to win the game. Everything you do is to win the game. But if you care more about your own gold income than the game, then better go get that wave of minions instead of the Nexus because the Nexus is only worth 50g.

Mad King HadesSep 2, 20161 votes

Actually I play top lane. Every game is done with fun, and I am friendly. I don't care about winning lane, as long as its a fun lane.

LimrickSep 2, 20161 votes

Junglers aren't just the second Support, they want to have fun and get themselves ahead too. Having a fed jungler has more impact than any fed laner, as he can then go and snowball the other lanes. Plus, junglers are people, not your personal gankbot. They want to carry just as much as you do. Give them the damn tax.

Dr PoroSep 2, 20161 votes

Junglers aren't just the second Support

Not all junglers, but most meta junglers are. Having fun doesn't require you to be fed. Supports also like to have fun. If you don't care about winning, then go ahead and tax all you like, just like you can steal kills as support, no problem. I'm just saying that if you don't have to, it's not the smartest thing to do. When I play normals in jungle, I sometimes play the selfish volibear that just takes all kills and farms like crazy to reach lvl 18 first. It's hella fun, I know. But when I play volibear in ranked, I try to win and I try to give the kills to my lane. A fed lane will keep winning the lane without you being there unless their jungler/midlaners helps. You can always return to the fed lane to snowball it even harder. Also, I'd say that snowballing a roaming midlane has the most impact on the game as they'll win their own lane + the other lanes. It's important that one way or another you get your adc and apc fed so that they can carry during the teamfights.

Btw I'm not blaming you if you do tax. I'm just trying to give advice on how to climb.

LimrickSep 2, 20161 votes

When you play support, it's your job to support. When you play jungle, you aren't obligated to do everything just for your laners benefit. One of the best junglers atm is Graves, and he snowballs harder than most laners do. The top 5 winrate junglers are all hard carries, except Skarner. Obviously if you're playing a tank jungler and you have a Riven top, Kog bot and Katarina mid, you shouldn't tax, but that's awfully niche. 99 times out of 100, taxing a lane is harmless.

Troll for TrumpSep 1, 201620 votes

Nasus response to minion tax: http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/aceattorney/images/1/12/Von_Karma_Breakdown_3.gif/revision/latest?cb=20100321210544

Void NargacugaSep 1, 20163 votes

Those whom you shouldn't minion tax:

Nasus Sion & to some extent Veigar

dominusxSep 1, 201624 votes

nah i'll tax everyone i'm worse than the Greek goverment

NyxcerisSep 1, 20167 votes

This joke is completely underrated

Void NargacugaSep 1, 20163 votes

Damn it! I can't find a History of the World part one meme of "Fuck the poor!"

Would have been perfect.

revliledpembrokeSep 2, 20162 votes

Well, just remember, it's good to be the King.

Void NargacugaSep 2, 20162 votes

https://cdn.meme.am/instances/250x250/46133022.jpg

FastAsHeckSep 1, 20161 votes

laughs in greek

mason waterSep 2, 20162 votes

awww man i fuckin hate when botlane comes mid to push tower, i dont want to push the damn tower i want to scale!

Void NargacugaSep 2, 20162 votes

https://33.media.tumblr.com/c406b0c772822afa735bf68bca0ea3fa/tumblr_mj1h9yip5F1rl1m5co3_500.gif

mason waterSep 2, 20161 votes

oh wow thats amazing, who made it?

Void NargacugaSep 2, 20161 votes

Sadly I have no clue. Sorry. [zombie-nunu-bummed]

SquidsmastahSep 1, 20161 votes

I tax even harder than that if I don't get a kill as top lane by roaming, tp'ing.

Finn Teh HumanSep 1, 20166 votes

Actually takes the kill, taxes, and doesn't give you blue buff as a non-mana/energy champion

Cookimonster316Sep 1, 20161 votes

Zac I need this more than you

ThePikolSep 1, 20161 votes

Apparenty KHa'zix need that blue more than me (Lux)

Busty DemonessSep 1, 20164 votes

I had replaced the Lyrics to the JG Wentworth bus commercial to reflect a Jungler's right to smite a buff away from mid laner.

I can't find the flipping comment or video it was commented on.

Edited in Lyrics:

I have a Devourer and I need to farm!

Call Jungle Wentworth! 877 Smite Now!

I have an ADC who wants my red.

Call Jungle Wentworth! 877 Smite Now!

Mid Laner may want your Blue Their poor score and farm means it won't do Smite it readily when they assume

Call Jungle Wentworth! 877 Smite Now!

Spaceman5pffSep 1, 201610 votes

Or even better, when i play tank junglers:

Gragas "It's my Strength of Ages stack, and I want it now!" Smites Cannon Minion

Veigar "Now you have left me several AP short of my goal!" Gragas "......" Veigar "Blast, I've made another short joke!" Gragas " :^) "

TattersallSep 1, 20161 votes

Glorious

Friendly RamSep 1, 20163 votes

I laughed harder than i should have at this.

Jungle Lux GodSep 1, 20163 votes

When the jungler counterganks:

http://wallpoper.com/images/00/34/78/94/phoenix-wright_00347894.png

RintamSep 1, 20161 votes

http://rlv.zcache.com/svc/getimage?id=f06b696e-5e13-446a-b95d-7cb8f77854ff&max_dim=324&square_it=true)

TheMinezSep 1, 20161 votes

As Kog Jungle I just waddle on up to top or mid, turret mode, get a kill, then go back to farming.

aLawfulFalafelSep 1, 20161 votes

Pantheon : i always take the kill, call me and youll have free farm and ill spread my lead to the next lane PS will work pro bono

CookyPrinceSep 1, 20161 votes

You tax anyways especially if you're nb3

agbudarSep 2, 20161 votes

{quoted}

Are you struggling in your lane? Are you sick of getting pushed in your own tower and dying? Call 1-800-INEEDAGANK right now and our junglers will be there to help. If you do not get a kill, we WILL charge you a CS preferentially a siege minion with smite(jungler main)! That's right! minion tax if we dont get a kill when we gank!

Call right now and well give you the kill when we gank your lane, with minion tax! You heard us! Call now and well give you the kill and totally tax your lane! Call 1-800-INEEDAGANK now for your free consultation.

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