bard is making me so tilted

i was out buying a Pizza Hut knotted garlic crust pizza to feed my 10 urchin children when all of the sudden bard comes out of nowhere, at full movement speed becus he just mugged a nearby orphan for 5 chimes. by the time i could react bard had already stunned me against the orphan child before throwing one of his own tiny, malformed children at us, leaving us horrified with his splattered remains and blood on our hands as he made his getaway with my pizza

riot why do you allow such a toxic champion to be in the game, this is serious