Boards›General Discussion

ARREST THE SHOPKEEPER!

MartianColony··41 votes·13,231 views

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/leagueoflegends/images/e/e6/Blue_Team_Shopkeeper.png/revision/latest?cb=20170914153736

Dear Relevant Runeterra Authorities,

The shopkeeper for the Blue Team on the Southwest corner of Summoner's Rift appears to be abusing an animal in relation to her business practices. The animal is weighted down with an unreasonable amount of weapons, armor, potions, and the like, which surely must be doing significant long term damage to its spinal cord. The shopkeeper can also be seen supporting a kiosk on top of the poor creatures tail, which she also frequently leans on! The creature is also muzzled with very tight straps, as well as having an iron band clamped to its tail. There is no discernible food or water nearby which the animal can easily access. This innocent animal is surely undergoing severe mental and physical harm at the hands of this careless Yordle shopkeeper. I ask that you consider placing charges against the shopkeeper and releasing the animal into the care of a qualified rehabilitation or conservation organization.

Thank you for your time,

-Concerned summoner

39 Comments

Arammus41 votes

check out the ghost in the aram map. if you play a yordle he makes a racist comment stating he finds all yordles disgusting creatures. he is clearly racist and should get a permaban.

Thefrostyviking4 votes

{quoted}

check out the ghost in the aram map. if you play a yordle he makes a racist comment stating he finds all yordles disgusting creatures. he is clearly racist and should get a permaban.

How do you ban a ghost though?

ChickenWrap4 votes

{quoted}

check out the ghost in the aram map. if you play a yordle he makes a racist comment stating he finds all yordles disgusting creatures. he is clearly racist and should get a permaban.

Get a Polterban*

{quoted}

The fuck is this? Memes & Games is over here -> http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/memes

If you're even remotely serious about a fictional animal in a video game then seek help.

ur a meme kid.

Naut lmpressed1 votes

He is also a total perv! If you are playing Sejuani, he says "Lucky boar..." implying that he would like you to ride him instead of Bristle. Report the sexist, racist ghost.

Herlgar24 votes

Fire this shopkeeper and bring back this old dude instead!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-M6N9qm6ANGE/T-KKgwVX0KI/AAAAAAAACqg/UGXcb2P6YXU/s1600/shopekeeper.png

Summonah1236918 votes

Why are there band-aids on its horn?

AlienPrimate8 votes

{quoted}

Why are there band-aids on its horn?

Those are leather straps to hold the lantern that is hanging from the horn. I'm not sure about the other side, but I would assume it is another lantern.

Reaper Soraka2 votes

{quoted}

Why are there band-aids on its horn?

idk how ivory works.

100% support this thread, free him!

DerMangoJoghurt13 votes

Meanwhile, Dormun riders build entire villages on their backs.

ModWuks9 votes

I’m sorry, but we’ll need a professional opinion from a licensed veterinarian. Your medical claims as to the impact of carrying items are unfounded.

Bard x Me7 votes

{quoted}

I’m sorry, but we’ll need a professional opinion from a licensed veterinarian. Your medical claims as to the impact of carrying items are unfounded.

no u

MartianColony2 votes

{quoted}

I’m sorry, but we’ll need a professional opinion from a licensed veterinarian. Your medical claims as to the impact of carrying items are unfounded.

I feel like you're not taking animal abuse very seriously. I think I'm going to have to contact PETA over this one.

TheMysticWar8 votes

Just realized shopkeeper still has Wota lol

Stars Shaper8 votes

How about displaying forbidden substances on the desk? (Mana potion).

Kuronii Lumiira7 votes

Alright, there's plenty of grass for the creature. Wanna know how I know it eats grass? The flat teeth. There's plenty of food for it, and there's water running off of the platform.

Besides that, it's got a hefty back. The saddle would be doing more harm to it, since it likely weighs more than all the other stuff combined, but I don't see it being terribly injured due to its bulk.

He's not being mistreated. Go away.

MartianColony4 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=EUW,application-id=yrc23zHg,discussion-id=2MsPAsq2,comment-id=0006,timestamp=2018-07-26T12:37:06.897+0000)

Alright, there's plenty of grass for the creature. Wanna know how I know it eats grass? The flat teeth. There's plenty of food for it, and there's water running off of the platform.

Besides that, it's got a hefty back. The saddle would be doing more harm to it, since it likely weighs more than all the other stuff combined, but I don't see it being terribly injured due to its bulk.

He's not being mistreated. Go away.

And just how is it supposed to eat and drink while muzzled?

AlienPrimate2 votes

{quoted}

And just how is it supposed to eat and drink while muzzled?

Did you ever consider that maybe there are poisonous or thorny plants in the area and the shopkeeper doesn't want her animal getting hurt from eating things it isn't supposed to? The muzzle could be an act of kindness and it really isn't that difficult to remove it when it is feeding time.

Kuronii Lumiira2 votes

{quoted}

And just how is it supposed to eat and drink while muzzled?

That's a bridle, the thing they put on horses that the reins connect to.

If it were muzzled, it wouldn't even be able to open its mouth as much as it is. It's in perfectly fine shape. No indications of malnutrition or mistreatment. It's even being made part of the job, and looks totally fine with it. This is just baseless blame being laid on the shopkeep there. She's doing a fine job of providing for herself and her pet.

Ifneth2 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=EUW,application-id=yrc23zHg,discussion-id=2MsPAsq2,comment-id=000600000001,timestamp=2018-07-26T16:20:21.516+0000)

That's a bridle, the thing they put on horses that the reins connect to.

If it were muzzled, it wouldn't even be able to open its mouth as much as it is. It's in perfectly fine shape. No indications of malnutrition or mistreatment. It's even being made part of the job, and looks totally fine with it. This is just baseless blame being laid on the shopkeep there. She's doing a fine job of providing for herself and her pet.

The beast is made to lie motionless for who knows how long. It can’t get up, move around, or even shift to scratch an itch. It doesn’t even have as much as a mat to be comfortable on. That’s not right. :(

Kuronii Lumiira1 votes

{quoted}

The beast is made to lie motionless for who knows how long. It can’t get up, move around, or even shift to scratch an itch. It doesn’t even have as much as a mat to be comfortable on. That’s not right. :(

You assume it needs a mat. He looks like he's got plenty of padding. Besides, you see him for 20-30 minutes at a time. Outside of that, you don't know what the shopkeep does. She probably just packs up and lets him roam around. You only ever see them like this when you're on the Rift, and you know what I call that? Good service. The shopkeep ensures that everything is there when we need it, and likely provides for her workers when they're not needed.

If the animal were truly being mistreated, we'd have seen evidence of it.

[{quoted}](name=The Space Cowboy,realm=NA,application-id=yrc23zHg,discussion-id=2MsPAsq2,comment-id=00060001,timestamp=2018-07-26T20:02:36.972+0000)

He’s actually a carnivore that grinds his teeth due to stress.

I'm looking at what I'm seeing, and I see a herbivore. A carnivore's teeth will remain sharp because of their genetic predisposition, despite any "grinding". On that note, it would be impossible to wear the teeth down to that level without structural damage, and there most certainly would not be any enamel on top after that. It's even impossible to wear them down at all since carnivore's teeth are made to fit in the grooves of the other teeth, while herbivores teeth are intended to grind on each other to ensure the plant material gets properly broken down.

If he's grinding his teeth at all, it's because he's eating and meant to do so.

{quoted}

Animals are NOT furniture!!!

He's being included as a worker, not as furniture. I suspect he's even being compensated well for being such a fine and stalwart salesman.

Ifneth1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=EUW,application-id=yrc23zHg,discussion-id=2MsPAsq2,comment-id=00060000000100000000,timestamp=2018-07-27T03:33:28.814+0000)

You assume it needs a mat. He looks like he's got plenty of padding. Besides, you see him for 20-30 minutes at a time. Outside of that, you don't know what the shopkeep does. She probably just packs up and lets him roam around. You only ever see them like this when you're on the Rift, and you know what I call that? Good service. The shopkeep ensures that everything is there when we need it, and likely provides for her workers when they're not needed.

Matches can routinely go on for 30 or 40 minutes. Having to lie completely still, tail included, on a hard surface sounds quite unpleasant for any large animal. He can’t scratch himself or even breathe much for fear of dropping something. Animals are not furniture.

MartianColony1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=EUW,application-id=yrc23zHg,discussion-id=2MsPAsq2,comment-id=000600000001,timestamp=2018-07-26T16:20:21.516+0000)

That's a bridle, the thing they put on horses that the reins connect to.

If it were muzzled, it wouldn't even be able to open its mouth as much as it is. It's in perfectly fine shape. No indications of malnutrition or mistreatment. It's even being made part of the job, and looks totally fine with it. This is just baseless blame being laid on the shopkeep there. She's doing a fine job of providing for herself and her pet.

Animals are NOT furniture!!!

The Space Cowboy2 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=EUW,application-id=yrc23zHg,discussion-id=2MsPAsq2,comment-id=0006,timestamp=2018-07-26T12:37:06.897+0000)

Alright, there's plenty of grass for the creature. Wanna know how I know it eats grass? The flat teeth. There's plenty of food for it, and there's water running off of the platform.

Besides that, it's got a hefty back. The saddle would be doing more harm to it, since it likely weighs more than all the other stuff combined, but I don't see it being terribly injured due to its bulk.

He's not being mistreated. Go away.

He’s actually a carnivore that grinds his teeth due to stress.

Bard x Me4 votes

she also kicks him like a monster

SugeMinPikk3 votes

That doesn't look anywhere close to "unreasonable"

Ifneth3 votes

Vi PILTOVER SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT! OPEN UP!

Warlord Rhinark2 votes

I don't trust that Otter guy.

ChickenWrap2 votes

What's a summoner?

ModPeriscope2 votes

We'll send our handsomest zoo-keepers to detain the beast.

Terozu2 votes

In addition, the shop keeper is selling mana potions on the black market.

FilDaFunk2 votes

That guy looks stronk, though.

HalcyonDweller1 votes

The fuck is this? Memes & Games is over here -> http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/memes

If you're even remotely serious about a fictional animal in a video game then seek help.

SugeMinPikk2 votes

{quoted}

The fuck is this? Memes & Games is over here -> http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/memes

If you're even remotely serious about a fictional animal in a video game then seek help.

Nothing (nothing) "doesn't belong" in GD.

HalcyonDweller1 votes

{quoted}

Nothing (nothing) "doesn't belong" in GD.

My point is that either this is a joke post or the person who wrote it needs to seek help. There are real-world situations that are more deserving than a fictional character of the concern and outrage over animal abuse.

SugeMinPikk4 votes

{quoted}

My point is that either this is a joke post or the person who wrote it needs to seek help. There are real-world situations that are more deserving of the concern and outrage over animal abuse than a fictional character.

This is a video game forum. Nobody is here is going to post about "real-world situations."

MartianColony3 votes

{quoted}

My point is that either this is a joke post or the person who wrote it needs to seek help. There are real-world situations that are more deserving of the concern and outrage over animal abuse than a fictional character.

I also think those mean kids need to give that rabbit some cereal! What kind of fascist scumbags won't let a bipedal talking rabbit have some Trix?

HalcyonDweller1 votes

{quoted}

I also think those mean kids need to give that rabbit some cereal! What kind of fascist scumbags won't let a bipedal talking rabbit have some Trix?

I see.

MartianColony1 votes

See Part 2 Here: https://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/general-discussion/WHaM0WHZ-part-2-arrest-the-shopkeeper

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