Let's talk about why Jarvan is a very well designed Champion

I have been a Jarvan main forever. There have been times when his stats have been a little too high that he achieves a state of, shall we say "complete and total rage inducing bullshit" just a little bit too easily, but nothing, and I do mean nothing like your other bullshit champs out there and let's examine why that is, passive aggressively making fun of so many of Riot's more recent champs.

There's many things that make Jarvan epic, but what makes him so well designed is the idea of Choice in his kit. Really really meaningful choice.

Every spell has consequences to using it or not using it.

If I use my Q to harras, that means that I no longer have an escape tool if I get ganked. I have to decide if I'm being baited or not before I throw a Q. If I throw down my E for a combo and I don't hit the target, will I end up in a place that is better or worse for me. If I use my w now to negate some DOT that's on me, will I need it to trade auto attacks when I go for that last hit in 10 seconds time. How long was it since Ashe used flash, should I E/Q towards her and ult her, or, should I ult the rampaging Olaf who isn't running flash and then E/Q towards the Ashe, or away from the fight entirely to disengage. Also, if I ult the Ashe right now, will the resulting cataclysm completely screw my team, or will it be a good barrier against the enemy peel.

Everything he does has an inherent risk/reward aspect to it. He can't throw out Q harras all day, he needs that to be mobile, plus, he has a very limited mana pool. He can't E/Q you all day because that leaves him without an escape, plus, again, limited mana pool.

If Jarvan was released today, he would probably look something like this.

Passive: Martial Cadence. The first time Jarvan attacks a target every 10/8/6 seconds, he deals 5 +.02AD% max hp true damage and heals for 10/20/30% of the true damage dealt if this target is a champion. Also he dashes in the direction he was moving after this happens. (That last bit is tongue and cheek. The first bit isn't)

Q: Dragon Strike Jarvan Shoots his Lance in a line, dealing some amount of damage and shreding some amount of armor for 3 seconds. If the lance contacts his Demacian Standard, Jarvan is pulled to his standard, knocking up any units along his path. Any champions struck in this manner reduce the cooldown of Dragon strike by .5 second.

W: Golden Aegis Jarvan calls upon the ancient kings of Demacia for protection. He gains a shield and slows enemies in an aoe around him and aids his allies. For each enemy champion struck by this effect, gain an additional amount of shield, for each ally struck by the shield gains 50% of the value of the shield themselves

E: Demacian standard Jarvan carries the pride of Demacia which passively grants him 10/15/20/25/30% bonus attack speed. When Jarvan throws his standard, it deals an amount of damage to the aoe, grants vision and gives allies the same bonuses. If Jarvan comes into contact with the Demacian Standard, he retrieves it and the spell's cooldown is refreshed.

R: Cataclysm Jarvan leaps into the air and lands on an enemy champion with such force that it terraforms the ground around them into a crater which persists for 3 seconds and deals an amount of physical damage +15% missing hp. This wall is impassable, except to game breaking bugs which let Udyr and Vayne just walk right over it.

Look at the above champion and tell me that doesn't look like exactly the kind of bullshit Riot is coming up with these days.

Actually, it's missing something isn't it, Yes, I think some kind of manaless mechanic is needed here. Yes, something that charges up every time he procs martial cadence perhaps and then is discharged by his spells like Renekton's Rage.

So lets do a quick edit here shall we.

Passive: Martial Cadence Bullshit. The first time Jarvan attacks a target every 10/8/6 seconds, he deals 5 + .02AD% max hp true damage and heals for 10/20/30% of the true damage dealt if this target is a champion. Each time Jarvan does this he gains 10 Bullshits, being able to store a maximum of 100 bullshits.

Q: Dragon Strike Jarvan Shoots his Lance in a line, dealing some amount of damage and shreding some amount of armor for 3 seconds. If the lance contacts his Demacian Standard, Jarvan is pulled to his standard, knocking up any units along his path. Any champions struck in this manner reduce the cooldown of Dragon strike by .5 second. If Jarvan has 50 Bullshits stored, Dragon Strike is instantly refreshed after .5 seconds.

W: Golden Aegis Jarvan calls upon the ancient kings of Demacia for protection. He gains a shield and slows enemies in an aoe around him and aids his allies. For each enemy champion struck by this effect, gain an additional amount of shield, for each ally struck by the shield gains 50% of the value of the shield themselves. If Jarvan has at least 50 bullshits, he is also healed for a percentage of the shield he gains, this healing occurs over 3 seconds.

E: Demacian standard Jarvan carries the pride of Demacia which passively grants him 10/15/20/25/30% bonus attack speed. When Jarvan throws his standard, it deals an amount of damage to the aoe, grants vision and gives allies the same bonuses. If Jarvan comes into contact with the Demacian Standard, he retrieves it and the spell's cooldown is refreshed. If 50 Bullshits are available, Jarvan's next autoattack automatically critical strikes. If this critical strike is also a martial cadence proc, gain twice as much bullshit from that martial cadence as usual.

R: Cataclysm Jarvan leaps into the air and lands on an enemy champion with such force that it terraforms the ground around them into a crater which persists for 3 seconds and deals an amount of physical damage +15% missing hp. If Jarvan has a full Bullshit meter, he also stuns every enemy caught in the cataclysm for 1/1.5/2 seconds.

There we go, NOW we have a good updated season 5 Jarvan.

This Jarvan doesn't have to worry about mana. He auto attacks 5 minions then gets a risk free Q harras. This Jarvan doesn't need to worry about sustain in lane because he auto attacks 5 minions and then shields himself to regain HP. This Jarvan doesn't need to worry about missing his E/Q combo, because he retrieves his flag when he contacts it. This Jarvan doesn't need to worry about dying if he dives into a cluster of enemies, because he will stun them all upon arrival, kill one of them and then imediately E/Q away again because his cooldowns have been refreshed.

This Jarvan, is in short, complete bullshit. It doesn't matter what the numbers on his spells are or what his base stats are because he is designed broken. There is no way to balance the bullshit I have created up here and this is every fucking champion they release nowadays. You know it is. This isn't a fun champion to play against and you know, once you've murdered some noobs with it, it's not that much fun to play AS either because every patch he gets his numbers nerfed a little more. Eventually he will be nerfed so hard that he won't be able to do anything at all.

TLDR Jarvan is an excellent Champion because every one of his spells requires the player to make a meaningful choice. Recently released champions do not do this.