Riot, you wanted off meta shit, and you got it

I'm top jax. I started corruption pot. Enemy yasuo. Comes with all AD runes (about +25 AD). We hit level 2. Yasuo stacks E. Jumps on me, and I instantly die in about 2 seconds.

I'm mid zed. Enemy is leblanc. Leblanc comes with 3 movement speed quints. 15 ms. She has 355 speed. I have 345. She gets a first blood kill start. Double dorans. We hit level 6. She jumps, I ult. She walks away. I try to auto. Cancelled. She walks away. Try to auto. Cancelled. She walks away. She doesn't die.

I pick Riven top. Enemy picks Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia starts harassing. I shield, kite, farm. She lands Q once. Instantly takes me down to half hp. Mkay. I come back. I all in. She uses ghost. I flash. Kites me to death. I come back. She comes at me hard. I run. Then realize that I can't run. I die. I come back. Cassiopeia uses flash. Chases at the speed of light. Dives under tower and kills me, walks away.