I have a 100% winrate with Bard when he is on the enemy team :3.

Like I have said before on other posts, bard is only bad if the person playing him

a) Doesn't build him right b) Doesn't understand his skills c) goes to get chimes at bad times

Other then that, if you build utility, accurate with his ult, and can set up ganks with his E, Bard can be great. With how I build bard you can engage so easily on people, grab chimes safely, and be oppressive in team fights. I like to view him like Braum, he isn't that good by himself and the issue is people like to play games with a lone wolf mentality. Gotta work around your team to do anything useful. While yes he has issues that are already being addressed by riot, He isn't useless like people keep saying. You just need to practice him and put actual research into his builds just like any other new champ. Its just bard has a bit more of a curve.

Shouldn't have made me laugh, though I'm glad it did. lol.

This is clearly not a Bronze Bard.

I didn't see him stasis the enemy team just as his allies used all of their ultimates, rendering them completely ineffective.

:^)

I probably do, too. He just doesn't do anything scary. He doesn't have that good of peel or catch potential and just doesn't seem like he helps much in fights in any other really significant ways, either. Maybe some really good players could make very good use of his ult, but none of the Bards I've faced have.