Guys...what does Teemo actually DO?

I mean, as far as team comps go, what makes the guy a choice that's actually decent? He's sort of got map control with shrooms until the enemy builds mr so they do less and less damage. He can blind people and poison people. He can...run fast and turn invisible if he doesn't move at all...I guess? He has no real skill shot worth mentioning. He's a ranged assassin with no range (500) and no ability to dive enemies because he's more suited to lie in wait and hope someone stumbles upon him instead.

So with this said...wtf does he really DO? How does he fit into an intelligently designed team comp? Shove him mid and he has no range to fight + his blinding attack is useless. Shove him top and he doesn't have the engage or the bulk that top laners usually provide. Shove him bot to adc and he's...fking awful. Shove him in the jungle and you're stupid for doing that given the list of better options available. Shove him bot to support and he provides no peel unless the enemy decides to walk outside of the line the minions walk, seeing how minions trigger shrooms. The dude has no hard cc, has a hard time using the one slow he does have, does low damage unless he somehow got fed (he's a marksman/assassin in the long run), can't peel, can't engage, can hardly aoe damage people, can't tank, and can't synergize with other champion abilities since he brings no effects in his kit.

If we're reworking Morde because he just "doesn't work" as a solo laner, why not give Teemo a full rework since his whole kit is straight up confused? There's literally no cohesive point to his kit. It's just a bunch of "sneaky stuff" thrown together randomly without a game plan in mind, and it's cost me enough games as is.