Will you be introducing Evelynn in 5.3?

She certainly sounds like a cool champion in theory, but the beta quality champion in the champ list surely isn't the intended final product.

Her splash art is quite old, her model could use an update, she has no real theme, just a mishmash of odd stuff, her q is seriously watered down compared to everyone else's abilities, her w turns off her passive and just makes her even more easy to kill, her e looks like something borrowed from another champ from a different lane and role, and her ultimate doesn't make any sense at all. If she's an assassin, why is she expected to reveal herself before opening up on enemy targets with an ability that literally cannot kill anything?

She has no ability to initiate without removing her stealth, she is a melee range mage, she's dressed like a bdsm devotee, but clearly isn't into consent (unless you count the fact that she can't gank unless the opponent lets her), she is only hidden when you close your eyes, and you can easily completely negate your own "blind spot" by clicking furiously and moving your champion around a lot like OH MY GOSH EVERYONE ALREADY DOES THIS!

But wait, there's MORE!

She just recently got nerfed in the mana regen passive, because you only regenerate mana faster (post-nerf) when you're out of mana and can't. play. the. game.

She was starting to improve in the Jungle (yeah, ignoring all that stuff above, sheesh), and then she got hit with the nerf nuke from orbit when you up and decided that champions that are forced to build tanky in the jungle just don't get to jungle anymore with that 100g price increase.

Seeing Evelynn appear in the spectator games on the launcher is beginning to feel like spotting Bigfoot. You get all excited at seeing a new face, until you go and realize it's a troll.

Don't get me wrong, I have a huge roster of characters I can play but Eve is this champ that I liked ever since I first started playing. I have a fond memory of winning my first real pvp game back in YE OLDENE DAYSE when I failed to gank 3 times as Eve, but then got a few lucky kills and turned around a losing game by starting to steamroll. This was before I knew that you could grab smite and use it in the jungle at the start of the game. I was ganking at level 1. Yes, it was dumb. But this was before I had even heard of a meta. I was like summoner level 2. There were no bots. Eve stunned people when she opened with a basic attack.

Even I know that her old version was unsustainable. But the idea of a champion that could initiate ganks at level 1 is not unreasonable. What does everyone do at the start of the game now?! They all head to the river and see if they can get first blood. What does Eve do? (aside from watching from the sidelines)

But let's look at the role of the assassin. (Eve is, supposedly, according to Riot, an assassin) Assassins are supposed to be able to target and eliminate the enemy ad carry or mage. There is not a single piece of Evelynn's kit that lets her do this. not her passive, not her ultimate, not her w. her q and e don't have the damage to do anything other than secure kills for teammates. (that's kill stealing for us noobs) She doesn't even have the ability to contribute something to a team to let them 4v5 so that she can sneak up on the carries. If Evelynn is an assassin then every. champion. in. the. game. is. an. assassin.

Let's go ahead and compare her to a "healthy assassin."

Her q is actually not that different from zed's. a straight line of damage. Zed gets two or three of them, doesn't have to worry about mana, can shoot them at enemies from different directions at the same time, can hit multiple targets that aren't lined up, hits targets farther away, and deals his damage faster. But Evelynn's q auto-targets the nearest enemy and hits it even if that means missing the lowest hp target that you were aiming at. Unless they run out of range, for some reason, but whatever. kinda nice not having(being able to) aim. So let's go ahead and call this even. (/SARCASM)

Zed's w allows him to create a shadow to enable teleporting instantly, appearing in the exact spot he desires to begin his rotation, and effectively increases the damage of his q and adds a slow when used appropriately. kinda hard to do properly, it does take a little skill. Evelynn moves slightly faster at the cost of turning off her stealth completely, eliminating any possibility of reaching her target before it runs away. It does not increase her damage in any way and is far more likely to decrease her overall dps. Zed effectively gets to move faster than light speed, Evelynn moves at the speed of a scared crab. We'll call this "slightly in favor of zed" (/FACETIOUS)

Now let's compare E. Zed's gives him a wide area aoe at more than one target, a slow, and yet another high-skill ability to help close the gap. I mean how cool is it when you slow someone and then teleport to them to end them as they can't run away. Ah, it's awesome. Evelynn gets to apply on hit effects as she girly slaps someone in the face. It's just a shame that there aren't any of those in any of her item builds. Man it would be cool to actually use on hit effects. I wonder what they do. Does anyone know? We could probably ask Zed. Zed probably knows.

Hey Zed, why are you so balanced and Evelynn isn't?

: "Balance is a lie."

So, uhh... what's an on hit item effect?

: "As if you're ever going to use Tiamat. Get out of my shadow."

Ok. that wasn't very helpful.

So now let's compare ultimates.

Evelynn's ultimate is the only assassin ultimate that literally can never actually kill anything,(unless it rounds up, in which case you could do the impossible last hit point of damage!) and it gives her a damage shield. Umm... ok, that's a bit odd.

Hey Zed, do you have any damage shields?

: "HAHAHA. No, I kill things."

Huh.

So when we look at Zed's ult, we see an ult that gives temporary invincibility, another teleport, another shadow to increase dps, an escape route, and I guess I should stop there.

Seriously this is like comparing the Captain America of the unspeakable 80's movie with the Captain America of the Ultimates who is president of the United States. (/Hyperbole? maybe?)

: "HAHAHA."

You know what, Zed, you're a dick.

: "HAHAHA."