How do you get people to work together?

I just got done with a janna game and I couldn't have been nicer if I tried. I entered champ select asking what type of comp we wanted. No answer so I looked at who had pre selected and saw zed mid and kog adc. I don't have a good tank I can play consistent with yet so I picked janna for the ad buff on her shield and peel for kog maw and asked our other 2 players if one of them could play a tank. Our jg picked cho'gath so now we have Zed, Cho, Janna, Kog and ? top laner. Our team fight was okay but I felt we could use something like a darius or yorick or garen to dissuade the enemy from diving our Kog'maw while enabling engage for our zed and cho. I asked if he could pick any bruiser/juggernaut champion that has cc/engage potential. Then I added I think it will really round out our team comp and maximize team fights. He picked naut which was okay, I didn't say anything further then he says "I'm going squishy ap btw".

I told him that our pick champion should be a bit beefy so he could not insta die after a pick and if he is going ap if he could please build items like RoA for hp. I didn't even say he couldn't build hp. We got into game and I saw a xin zao up top who is really strong early game in low elo. I told naut he may want to build a sunfire or thornmail to stop the xin zao from bullying him. He then said Nope, full ap and died 3 times in 10m. I told our JG that their jg and top laner were using their early game harass naut and he may need help. Naut wouldn't wait for cho and kept doing his thing and refused to ward. Xin got fed af and won them the game. We beat their mid and bot lane and had a strong jg even tho his score wasn't good but xin zao one shot our adc and mid...

When we got into post-game I asked what I did to him to make him troll us because I was only trying to help us win. He said since I asked to play a champ with cc he trolled me....He lost us the game because I was trying to help. This is a specific example but happens all the time. If I say nothing we get bad comps and lose in team fights, if I ask nicely I get flamed and trolled and if I flame I get ignored and no help from my team in-game. I literally can't win.