Just got to know about this. As it's been said in other replies, there has been quite a few "fictional" reworks for Talon from players, from many regions, so you might find some good ideas over there. I find this quite a nice change, as Talon has suffered much since his silence removal. He can still burst champs to death, but he hasn't a backup plan as many other assassins do (Katarina's reset, Kha'zix jump reset, Ahri's 3 use ult, Ekko's ult, and a long etc), so it's not strange to find a Talon dead in the first second of the teamfight after having deleted someone (or at least tried to), where maybe a Katarina would be still jumping arond, or a Zed would have come back to his shadow. After seeing the reworks you've been doing to many champs, and how you have succeeded in making more unique champions, i trust you to make of Talon the deadly assassin he is supposed to be in a cool way.
I'd suggest to keep or even improve the stealth. Not as much as an Evelynn, but maybe something a bit more complex and rewarding that his current ultimate. Go for it! Improve my beloved 