A letter to the live balance team about choices available to melee champions in team fights

Melee champions have to play so predictably in order to EVEN PLAY. They HAVE to dive, because they don't have a fucking choice with champions like vayne, kogmaw, and ryze obliterating everything from range. What should they do just sit there and get destroyed from range while picking their nose? The vast majority of the melee roster has only one option in team fights-- dive. Thats not depth, its so frigging shallow and it pisses me off that no matter how many times I bring up the depth disparity between ranged and melee champions you just push it under a rug and pretend its not a thing.

And the new catfish coming out: A champion like this one is just going to make peeling melee champions who have no other recourse than to dive even more brainlessly easy than it is already. At some point you have to ask yourself "What sort of no-counterplay bullshit would a melee champion have to even have to work through all this peel, damage, and nonsense?"

And you get two answers:

1. something like poppy (lol thats not going to last, reworking incoming)
2. someone who just cockblocks all the ranged bullshit so they can actually exist for a few seconds (yasuo)

Oh whats that you don't think melee champions should be able to exist for a few seconds unless they have zero damage and build nothing but durability? Well then either the only melee champions that exist are those which are basically walking minions that are impossible to kill and do nothing else, and those that destroy you in 0.1 seconds but then die an instant later. Sure sounds like FUN GUYS

SO MUCH FUN

LEAGUE IS SO GOOD. RANGED BULLSHIT MAKES THE GAME SO MUCH FUN.

You know, if the game had nothing but melee champions in it we could have a spectrum of damage and cc, durability and engage potential and you wouldn't have this cancerous unfun broken bullshit where the only melee champions that can exist must lie at either of two harsh no-interactivity extremes.

And I'm not suggesting league of legends remove all its ranged champions because thats just stupid.

I'm suggesting you really pause to think about how much bullshit most melee champions have to put up with, and how fucking overloaded their kits have to be now just so they can exist and team fight. I wonder if there will be a day when melee champions simply don't team fight because its too hard to compete with the zoning of ranged champions. Imagine that. A day when like 5 melee champions on the roster can team fight and the other 70 can't.

Here is a thought: How about giving melee champions some zoning tools so they can stand up against ranged champions at their own game, so that we can have more diversity than "uber tanky doesn't die no damage" and "suicide bomber" from melee champions. How about an item or something.

And I'm not talking about "muh tank item" or "muh mAdc item". I'm talking about an item that is generally role agnostic (perhaps melee only) and design to shore up the lack of zoning potential that many melee champions have with some kind of high uptime active, with the drawback that it lacks impressive primary stats like durability and offense.