Definitive Guide to Trolling (the other team) like a MAN (... or etc.)

Let's face it. Trolling is fun. Now when I say "trolling" I know what comes to mind. We've all seen it. Intentional feeds. Running around in base and making your team swallow a 4v5. Forming crude shapes on the fountain with wards. These are the trolling tactics of the immature youth, and these aren't fun. There's nothing fun about running out to get killed for the 30th time. There's nothing fun about right-clicking in place so you don't get disconnected.

No, today, I'm going to teach you how to troll like a MAN (or a woman, or a youth with wit beyond his or her years).

Trolling like a man isn't easy. Sometimes your team will adore you. Others, they'll despise you. It can be a lonely road. If you seek gratification, turn back now, for you won't always get it. But for those of you willing to put aside your laurels for your team's victory... For those who are content knowing in your own heart how you've helped your team... Read on, and accept a hearty handshake as you're welcomed into the fold of unsung greatness.

The key thing to take away here: Your goal is to troll the OTHER TEAM. I can't make that too clear. We're not here to make our teammates' lives miserable. A man trolls with a purpose. A man trolls as means to an end. A man trolls in spite of trolls, not in their celebration. And it all starts with tactical reasoning. The big picture. That's where you're going to shine.

The overarching principle is quite simple. Your aim is to disrupt the opposing team's comfort level. An uncomfortable player will make more mistakes. A player with M7 on their champ will wreck most opponents, because they know the game. The formula is familiar. It's all muscle memory from there. Disrupt that comfortable flow, take away that familiarity, and they'll start to crack. It's the principle behind Oda Nobunaga's attack at Okehazama, or a pommel strike in fencing. Disrupt their balance, and it's easier to make them fall. Take their feet from under them.

"What is a League player's footing?" The answer is simple, friend. The meta.

It starts with an off-meta pick. Are you left with jungle? You're going top support. (Please don't call jungle and then go top support. Do this only if you're filling and jungle is what's left.) Is mid your game? Take Sejuani. ADC? Bring Diana. Support? Tank LeBlanc. Find a champion you're very comfortable with, and play them in a role they don't normally play.

It doesn't always need to be an off-meta pick. Sometimes an off-meta build will do fine. If you're ADC, try AP Miss Fortune. Her E and ult both scale quite well, and Nashor's Tooth can be devastating. Plus, supports and ADCs don't tend to bring magic resist runes. If you're top against Darius, he wants you to trade with him. So bring AP Nasus. Poke from a distance and clear waves in a snap of the fingers. Going mid? Try Tank Ahri. Farming? Farming is for peasants! Noble women like Ahri don't soil their hands. Bring an Ancient Coin, and upgrade it as soon as possible. Play the long game and let your mobility and your charm set up ganks.

Next, you're going to want to play off-meta. Some of this is touched on in the latter half of the previous step. If you do things abnormally, you affect your opponent's thought processes even if in subtle ways. If your opponent is expecting to trade blows with you top, sit back and farm under turret. Give him the lane. Just let him completely dominate it. He won't even be thinking about ganks... or you suddenly turning the tables on him when you've got the perfect item. Think about the way you're expected to play your champion. Now look at your kit, and think about alternative ways you might play.

(Hint: LeBlanc's mobility makes her exceptionally difficult to kill... It's almost as if she was meant to tank. Nasus with all that AP scaling on his E, and a Nashor's Tooth? His wave clear is insane. Second to none. Irelia going full attack speed means maximum utilization of her Hiten Style. Sejuani does devastating damage when she procs her stun. Some attack speed sure would help that happen more often...)

Then get good at that, and do it. "Know yourself and your enemy, and you have naught to fear in 100 battles," go the famous words of Sun Zi. Your opponent, coming in, thinks he knows you. He's done all the homework. He knows what Nasus builds, he knows he has to farm his Q to do any damage, and he knows a Nasus player's tells.

Your opponent knows tanky AD Nasus.

By going AP and attack speed, you're throwing him off. He has to adapt his playstyle to match this exotic and foreign form of Nasus play, and he's already at a disadvantage. Why? Because you know AP Nasus, and you also know what your opponent is doing. "Know yourself and your enemy" and what again? That's right.

The next component, and this is a big one, is mind games. The goal here is simple. You opponent needs to be thinking about something other than the game. I don't mean trash talk here. I don't mean "YOUR MOM'S A PIG'S UNCLE" or the like. No no. Nothing personal here, because not only is that toxic and rotten, but it's too obvious. Most players can put that out of mind easily, immediately spotting it for what it is.

Your goal is the subversive. Your goal is to lead them into taking actions they believe they're taking because they want to. To put things in their mind that distract them from the game, even if for an instant. Either make them focus entirely on the immediate, wearing blinders to the big picture while they focus entirely on one small facet of the game... or make them think about the larger strategy in a way that confounds and bewilders them.

For example, you might come right into the game making grandiose boasts of yourself. I do this often. "You face the finest LeBlanc the world has ever known. Witness me, and I will show you methods you have never dreamed. Do not lament when you lose. You are in good and plentiful company." Or, you might put little insidious doubts in their minds. Somewhere around 6-8 minutes in, make a declaration. "Watch closely. Something big is about to happen."

It doesn't matter if it's true. You're bluffing, but you're going to make it true. If you get a kill, great! If not, look for the next thing. A teammate's kill. Your team takes a tower. Anything the announcer talks about. Wait it out as long as you have to. When something good happens, put the punctuation on it. "And there it is. Precisely as predicted." If you're in a teamfight and your team is winning, do it after the fight. The bigger the event, or the closer to you, the better... but don't go out of your way to make it happen. Let it come to you. Then do it two or three more times, with several minutes in between.

The point is to make them think, even if just in that tiny spot in the back of their mind, that you know this game well enough to call shots. After that, start directing them. They're pushing your tower? "Hey Caitlin. Run." She probably won't. If she gets cleaned up because of it, make sure she knows it. "I tried to tell you. Remember my predictions!" Always bring it back to that. Any time you can, reinforce that you are a master League tactician who sees every move seconds or even minutes before it happens.

Then you can start throwing in the misdirection. "If your enemy is stronger and more numerous, separate your army." Also Sun Zi. He means to divide the enemy's force and fight them in smaller pieces, on your terms. If your team is top, go bot. If they're mid, go anywhere. Go where they're not. Then make a declaration. So you're bot. "You're about to lose your bot tower." They'll see you on their minimap, and chances are, SOMEONE will come. If even one comes, it's a plus. Occupy their time. Don't fight them, just make them want to fight you. Force them to take a stand or lose something (usually a turret). If more than one come? Even better. In the meantime, your team is fighting an enemy group with reduced strength. If you're REALLY lucky, the whole team came to chase you and your team is getting a massive push.

If you die, make sure you let them know: "You played right into my hands. Thank you for your cooperation."

Then start confounding them. You've established that you're a genius with tremendous foresight. Maybe you've gotten lucky and the claim is solid. Maybe it's just eating at the back of their minds. Either way, they're thinking about it. They're thinking less about the game now. And now you can feed them lies and half-truths. Make another prediction. Get them on their heels. Get them wary. Tell them they'd better go top or you're going to take their tower. Then go bot. Next time, tell them they'd better go mid, then go top. Then tell them to go bot, and actually go there. Mix misdirection with deliberate bait. Soon, your opponents won't know what to make of your statements.

Their minds will be racing with possibility. Are you really going top or is it a ploy? Do you really want them to come to baron? Are you at baron waiting in ambush, or are you actually DOING baron and want to ward them away? Or do you want them to go to baron while your team pushes bot hard? Confuse, confuse, confuse! Make them wonder. Leave them with question marks at all times. Make them ping everywhere. They're now completely out of their gameplan, focusing entirely on your feints and ploys, trying to solve your riddles. Enforce this behavior. Ask them, "Just as I desired. Or is it? It's hard to tell, isn't it?" "Now do I really want you to come top? Or is it misdirection? My team is pushing bot now. But wait, maybe they're hiding in the top bush."

And let them know: "There's a pattern. There's always a pattern. Can you solve it?"

Make them think you're following a deliberate method of madness just to screw with them, and make them try to decode it. The more their minds wander to the periphery, the less they're thinking about their own strategy or their champions' actions. And that's what it all comes down to: Take them out of their game. And I know what you're thinking. "Yeah or they'll just mute me, genius." In my experience, that's far less likely than you'd expect. But if they do? Not a problem! Stick to the method just in case, any anything you've already said? That's still in their heads. Besides, off-meta behaviors still do their work whether you're muted or not.

This, my friends, is how legends troll. This is trolling with a purpose. This is doing things that seem completely unrelated or even detrimental to the game, and doing them in a way that helps your team win. Now go forth, and conquer the Rift like men.