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Had a rough game? These might help.

Zero Shingetsu··77 votes·3,220 views

I know from experience that unlucky games often draw all manner of profanity and scorn upon oneself. To assist you in swiftly addressing these hateful remarks without taking too much time away from the game, I offer you a few of the comments I have on macro. May they serve thee well as thou findest thineself adrift upon yonder sea of ill fortune.

  • The Roman Empire is regarded as having possessed perhaps the greatest time-relative military force in history. Rome was sacked by the Visigoths in the year 410. We all have our off days.

  • Did you know many a man thought Napoleon Bonaparte worthy to rule all Europe? And then he was defeated at Waterloo. Am I better than Napoleon Bonaparte?

  • Ah, yes, I'm having a bad game. Do you find me so important a fixture in your life that you will remember this performance tomorrow? A week from now? How about in a year? If not, it is an event unworthy of your typing.

  • There is often a debate between who is the more dominant warrior class: samurai or vikings. As of today, both groups have been defeated so utterly they no longer exist. If such warriors are not immune to defeat, why should you consider me so?

  • England has had eight ruling dynasties since becoming "England". Seven of them, each illustrious and mighty in their time, were thus defeated by rivals. Am I a king? Is prowess in League of Legends my birthright? Because I feel I'm more prone to occasional mishaps than they.

  • O woe, o lament! If only Lady Lux wast in mine camp! If only Fortune didst sail with mine fleet! Alas, I've been dealt Naut. (Especially useful if a Nautilus has called you out.)

  • WHY?! WHY, OH HEINOUS OF FATES, DOST THOU CURSE ME SO?! TO BE DELIVERED UNTO MY FOE IN SUCH REPETITIOUS FASHION, IT IS MORE THAN I MIGHT BEAR!!!! ... Too dramatic? Then it's not something that needs to be discussed.

  • Am I God? Do I hold the world in my hand? Did I create the ecosystem of this world? Did I place the earth an utterly perfect distance from the sun, allowing it to sustain life? No. I am most certainly not. Therefore, I am not immune to occasional error.

  • I am rubber. You are glue. I've had a bad game. It will happen to you.

  • They say gold wins any conflict. Perhaps you should spend your time reaping it, rather than wasting it attempting to convince me my poor luck is something I should commit suicide over. Because the latter goal is doomed to fail.

  • Does someone love you? Your mother? Your girlfriend? Your brother? Anyone? If so, you've no reason to bother yourself with me. Should we lose, I'm sure they will help you forget your troubles with reassuring conversation. Perhaps brownies, if you're lucky!

  • Statistics show roughly 27 million people will play this game today. I am but one. Perhaps you ought to save your best insults for that one man who will go 0/20/0.

  • Did you know the average KDA is about 3.5:1? This means that given your current performance, you are due for a 0.3:1 game soon. If you believe in karma, it may behoove you to be silent.

  • Throughout history, nations have risen and fallen. Storied dynasties have crumbled. Great and epic battles have been fought. Tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis and volcanoes have changed the face of the earth. Heroic men have performed deeds that have echoed for centuries beyond their time, and tyrants have left a scar on history that festers to this day. Now don't you feel absurd, making such a large thing of my performance in a video game?

36 Comments

Deep Terror Nami22 votes

Great post :D

For the TL;DR - Asshats aren't worth your time so don't waste it being upset, and even the best can do bad.

Related: I'm going to make brownie cupcakes later today with hershey kiss centers :3

Zero Shingetsu4 votes

That makes me hungry. hunts for food

KingWanahakalugi17 votes

I think you could TL;DR your TL;DR into: Even Faker failed flash.

Deep Terror Nami8 votes

Nah, Faker doesn't fail, he makes calculated decisions to control his enemies movement and give them a false sense of security which leads to their downfall later in the game or even all the way in the World's finals when they remember when he made a "mistake".

:3

Troll for Trump10 votes

Faker fails flash Enemy flashes over wall, think he flashed PLANNED

HighH18 votes

{quoted}

I think you could TL;DR your TL;DR into: Even Faker failed flash.

{quoted}

Faker fails flash Enemy flashes over wall, think he flashed PLANNED

Bob Ross voice There are no mistakes just happy accidents

KingWanahakalugi1 votes

This may very well be my favorite comment of the day.

DocShephard7 votes

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/61930391.jpg

Void Nargacuga4 votes

Funny AND awesome responses!

A Superb Villain3 votes

Eloquently put. You have my admiration.

Dokkaebi2 votes

This should help having a rough game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

LOL Spammer2 votes

Andddd bookmarked

Oshlet1 votes

Yeah, I'm using these.

Teslablade1 votes

Samurai vikings. Duh.

Zero Shingetsu1 votes

Oh-ho, now there's a combination for the ages.

Troll for Trump1 votes

Alas, poor toxic player. I knew him once.

Zero Shingetsu2 votes

And for far too long!

Transgressor1 votes

Question: How do you make sure you're not reported for spam and the system is not recognizing you as a scripter since you use macros?

Also, some of them are pretty cocky to warantee a report for passive aggression, in my opinion.

Zero Shingetsu5 votes

I... don't. I mean technically I AM typing it, because I'm using Voice Attack's quick input method, which literally registers key presses as though you were typing yourself. So the game may not pick it up as a "script", perse. It hasn't yet anyway.

And if the tribunal deems my responses are too passive aggressive in comparison to the active aggression that was thrust at me, so be it. I'll accept the punishment, and honestly, I wouldn't argue with such a verdict. Some of them ARE rather spiteful comments.

Transgressor1 votes

The tribunal is fully automated, it doesn't care nor comprehends empathy. And since human stupidity is infinite, I wouldn't be surprised.

I... don't

Haha, you haven't thought about this :D http://memecrunch.com/meme/8LBI/gotcha/image.jpg?w=400&c=1

Zero Shingetsu1 votes

Haha, I truly haven't! It never gave me any problems, so I never really considered it scripting. I have it set up to target party members by number and spam heal on them when I say "Heal 1", "Heal 2" and so on in FF14, too. I suppose if I get banned for scripting, it was meant to be. I leave it to the whim of fate. :)

7ha7guy7771 votes

Copy pasta

Only Play Darius1 votes

Can't carry these noobs

Josheheh1 votes

isn't the average kda something like 0.95:1 accounting for executes

because that's whats relevant

Spacesuit Spiff1 votes

I really out to macro those. As well as foxdrops line about teemo shrooms

shalexade1 votes

Technically, a KDA of 1:1 is terrible. :D

Rest of the post is excellent though!

Zero Shingetsu1 votes

Yes, but it's still about average! That's that point here. On average, players who have pretty good games will eventually have a really bad game and it'll even out. :)

shalexade2 votes

KDA ratio is the ratio between Kills, Deaths and Assists.

So a 1:1 ratio equates to

7/7/0 or 0/7/7 or 3/7/4

On average, assists happen more often than not, lifting that 1:1 ratio.

Zero Shingetsu1 votes

Hmm, that's a good point... Perhaps I should raise it to 1.5:1 or so. I wish there were some kind of worldwide stat on it, but all I've been able to find are champion averages or averages per month.

shalexade1 votes

It's not ideal, but http://loldb.gameguyz.com/statistics/kda

has the average rocking at about 3.5676:1 :)

Zero Shingetsu2 votes

Very good. I shall alter it immediately. :)

Fowus1 votes

Did you know many a man thought Napoleon Bonaparte worthy to rule all Europe? And then he was defeated at Waterloo. Am I better than Napoleon Bonaparte?

loved this one

EliteGunm4n1 votes

These are great!

HxC Manickmonkey1 votes

you deserve a bell's but im all out so have a Teemo

MalaceX1 votes

Cute and clever, but ultimately useless.

xReadyPlayerOnex1 votes

You sir, have too much time on your hands.

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