Why I'm Not a Fan of Tahm

At least, not when facing him solo lane with an AP champ.

The ability to do any sustained damage to him lasts until level two. The ability to keep him from healing lasts until his first back. After that, hitting him procs which heals the hungry hungry hip--I mean, catfish, after the damage has already been heavily reduced by the Resistance. Effectively, he can just fist you with his tongue until you die, and you have no say in the matter.

Oh, you used all your burst abilities on him? Well okay, but it wasn't enough to kill him so he's walking out of combat for just a sec to regain most of his health. Oh, btw, all your major spells are on CD now and he's waddling towards you with a gurgling gut.

But Vio, you're just being silly! Even if Tahm can take a real "licking" and keep on going, he doesn't deal any damage. Right?

Well, I thought so until I faced him. Turns out, the base damage on his abilities is high enough to deal more damage than the rest of his team, given that he can remain in lane longer than any of his pals, tongue-slappin away at a jolly good pace.

Vio, maybe you have some sort of weight in your points, but I think his weakness to AD champs is good enough for you to just sit under your turret until your jungler can come up to fry you some savory catfish nuggets.

To that, I say, "What turret?" Oh, you mean that heap of stone? You see, I once believed it could protect me. Then, everything changed when the waddle-booger attacked! Three well-aimed, high-range tongue fists find their mark, leaving me with a hefty welt and stunned in disgust. The humility! The stench! YOU MEAN IT'S NOT OVER, YET!? Next thing I know, my body has been swallowed, the poor little turret throwing its best wet noodles. Then, the moment I see the light of day again as the beast vomits me out of its body, I die. My spirit leaves my soiled body to spectate as the atrocity stands there laughing. The wet noodles have somewhat irritated the beast's health, so he promptly issues a full-health shield and jiggles his goo out of the turret's range. Mmm, that enticing goo-jiggle.

Attracted to his beauty, I equip what meager items I can, and charge teleport-first into his low-health slop-hole, guns blazing with fire in my eyes, only to, once again, be his spicy midnight toilet run.

Tahm is imaginative in his creation. Tahm is hilarious in dialogue.

Tahm is brutal in battle.

--There is something sublime about holding a heart in your hand