Garen's unique identity?

As far as I can tell, Garen's unique champion identity is that he's a worse version of Darius.

Other unique features about Garen is that he is a meme champ, and one of the best champions to troll your team with in high ELO because he is so useless.

At a solid 134th place in terms of Champion power on LoLalytics, no other champion is as useless as Garen is at high ELO.

Can we sharpen Garen's identity as a completely, totally useless champ by removing some movespeed, maybe slowing down his animations, and making him more predictable?

Other acceptable alternatives are buffing every other champion in the game while leaving Garen behind, as we did early in S7. This can be accomplished by giving every other champion items and masteries that Garen cannot access effectively. Let's keep Garen a meme! Directly nerfing Garen would also be acceptable. At a solid 50% WR in Bronze according to op.gg it is clear that Garen dominates Low ELO in an unhealthy way.