Then each ability has several paragraphs of text like this:
R: Cosmic Eruption
Lu'Kath calls upon the mist of the shadow isles, covering jungle camps which are currently available to be taken. Upon going and clearing all camps that are marked, Lu'Kath's next basic attack against champions will be empowered, dealing bonus damage equal to 30% of his AD, plus 30% of his AP, plus the square root of his total health and mana. Upon successfully landing the empowered basic attack on an enemy, all of Lu'Kath's cooldowns are reduced by 10%.
Additionally, if this empowered basic attack kills the target champion, any allies that received gold for assisting on that kill will grant Lu'Kath bonus Armor and MR equal to 5% of their respective resistances. Also, for every champion that assisted with the previously mentioned kill, a satellite will be launched into orbit around runeterra. Periodically throughout the game (5 minutes, reduced by CDR), these satellites will locate places where various item components can be found scattered across summoner's rift. By going to these locations, which will be marked on the minimap, you can collect these components. These components can be sold or kept, as normal. If Lu'Kath's inventory is full, he will instead be granted XP.
If Lu'Kath levels up from the XP gained from picking up an item uncovered by the satellite which was launched when your allies scored an assist on the kill you got with your empowered basic attack, then he gains a stack. At 5 stacks, Lu'Kath's basic abilities will passively grant him stacks of Mist. Upon reaching three stacks of Mist, the stacks reset to 0, and Lu'Kath gains 0.5 seconds of invisibility. For every unit killed before the invisibility timer runs out, Lu'Kath gains a stack of Independence. At 50 stacks (scaling with the number of states in the USA), the stacks of Independence will automatically jump to 1,776. At 1,776 stacks of Independence, Lu'Kath gains Freedom Fighter
Freedom Fighter: 5 seconds after being spotted by an enemy champion, any enemy champion within 1000 units of Lu'Kath are forced to stop and salute at the American Flag, which will be flown over Summoner's Rift by 5 jet planes. During this time, they cannot move or cast abilities, and their vision is locked to whichever direction they are facing, but the visuals are slightly blurred, as they are looking at the American Flag, and therefore can only see parts of Summoner's Rift out of their peripheral vision.
The American Flag has a chance of falling to Summoner's Rift and covering it completely, based on Lu'Kath's critical strike chance. If this event occurs, the minions of the side allied to Lu'Kath will be turned into American Marines. American Marines are champions, but coded with special AI equivalent to Mordekaiser's Dragon Ghost, and therefore will not obey any of your commands, because they don't take shit from anyone. Despite being champions, however, they are coded as minions, and will grant gold for the Bandit mastery, any of the Gold Generation items, and from Azir Ult.
If a Marine kills an enemy champion, that champion gains a stack of Freedom. At three stacks, the US military invades their respective homelands, freeing the people from the Commies. Upon the time that freedom is delivered, that champion's cooldowns will only go down by spamming emotes. However, if the emote spam isn't entertaining in any way, that ability corresponding to that emote will not have its cooldown refunded, and that champion will be forced to go without that ability for the rest of the game.
Upon killing the enemy nexus (because Freedom is inescapable), an American flag drops out of the sky to land the final blow on the Nexus, granting 50 gold. to America Additionally, instead of "Victory," "Freedom" will be the end-game screen, and a screenshot will automatically be taken and made your desktop background. 'Cause 'Murica.
Edit: Day 53. Still no one has noticed that this ability has nothing to do with the cosmos or any kind of eruption.