To the Super Nice Garen in My Last Ranked Game

To answer your first question: No, I have never played this League of Legends game before. I was only playing Jinx in ranked.

Your words of encouragement really helped me improve as a player. I have always strived to be a "fucking bitch" and I'm glad you recognized my team play of killing super winions while you rushed solo down the enemy's inhibitor. You also taught me that, no, I actually do not know how to play when you questioned why I didn't help you chase a Nidalee or a Volibear into the jungle, or when I backed out before Veigar could trap and ult me. Your 4v1s were really inspiring and I learned that I should never be a jungler because Olaf was "retarded" for not smiting Baron before Nidalee did.

When Sona and Heimerdinger died while defending base but Olaf and I were able to push them back, your courage of prompting for a surrender really provided me with a great role model. I was also touched by using such an endearing term for us when the rest of us declined to surrender. I think we always wanted to be called "autistics".

I appreciate you telling me to KYS. I'm flattered that you would think I should Keep My Sex appeal. You would be surprised at how few people compliment a flat-chested person such as myself.

And thank your for such a kind note in the end game lobby. It warmed my heart to read your sincere message of "I genuinely hope you die." Genuinely!

I genuinely hope you enjoy your ban!

Yours truly, The Jinx who went 12/8/14 and had the most cs of both teams [slayer-jinx-catface]

PS You're still Bronze, just like the rest of us.