The evolution of the internet Scumbag

Look around the internet today, and the influence of "trolls" "douchebags" and just plain scumbags is abundantly clear. Scumbags ruin our online video games. Scumbags threaten murder and rape against people who have done them no harm on social media. Scumbags haunt forums, youtube comments sections, and reddit, and even create specialist scumbag subsects dedicated to being a douche to people based on race, or gender, or religion, to cater to the connoisseurs of internet assholery.

But where do they come from? How does one...become a bag of scum? What poor tormented creatures are these denizens of the internet depths. Today, perhaps you'll join me on a journey. A tale of slight rejection. A tale of no significant hardship. A tale of entitlement and laziness. I'm Rod Sterling, and this is....the internet.

Stage One: The Larval Scumbag

Scumbags most commonly incubate in middle to upper class white households. Their parents just wealthy or busy enough to ignore their children, what they lack in personal interaction they make up for in ready access to the internet, books, and games. The scumbag at some level still sees himself as the protagonist of his own tale, and the lack of significant adventure, oppression or romance in his life at this early stage just inspires him to attempt finding it the normal way rather than making up fantasies.

But unfortunately for our poor developing fellow, something is wrong. Perhaps he suffers from a mild mental or social disorder. Perhaps he is unattractive or overweight, and too lazy to tend to his appearance. Whatever the reason, he finds himself quietly rejected by his peers and scorned by the women he clumsily seeks out.

And rather than try to travel down the difficult path of self improvement, our little friend finds solace in the comforting arms of the one that never rejected him, the one who always understands: the internet.

Stage Two: The Neckbeard

Our poor little scumbag, slightly rejected and too lazy not to be alone, finds help and friendship in the anonymous thousands of little lads who, rather than working through the awkward stages of youth thrust upon all young men, instead take comfort in their constant mutual misery.

Sports are stupid. Attractive people are stupid. Women are shallow and stupid. Religion is stupid. They are intelligent and kind and in their romances are thrust unfairly into "friend-zones" by those they would woo with awkward stammering and sweatily offered gifts. The neckbeard is paradoxically a social beast who socializes by wallowing in his loneliness, interacting only with others like him.

He does not understand that his "chivalry" is not wanted, that his "determination" is frightening rather than endearing, and his "intelligence and taste" is just grating elitism. The neckbeard becomes more and more frustrated by the reactions of the world to his increasingly abrasive real-world existence, and retreats further into the warm burrow of his constantly agreeing internet circles. The neckbeard steps down a dark path...

Stage Three: The Hater

The neckbeard's acquired character gradually sloughs away as his frustration grows. No longer is he the poor, put upon nice guy who is unfairly rejected by the world. No longer is sympathy enough-the neckbeard's fuzzy cheeto coated self pity is consumed by impotent rage.

Finally in a group that accepts him, the newborn hater does what he knows: finds others to reject. He will target those within his group, at first. Perhaps there are those among them who do not love their chosen hobby enough, those who are not "hardcore." Those must be derided. Perhaps there are those who belong to another internet clique worthy of scorn-the furries, the anime lovers, the console gamers. Perhaps there are people whose real world persona does not match up, people of a different race, or creed, or worse, females. The hater despises those who do not conform to his own views and will seek to isolate himself in smaller and smaller cliques bound together more by hatred than kinship.

This is when the hater completes his metamorphosis. He discovers that once his group has been so thinned that he must seek others who subscribe to his now extensive list of dogmatic beliefs, for an internet scumbag without people who agree with him cannot survive as he is.

So he seeks out groups based on what he has chosen to hate instead of what he has chosen to love. The Red Pill, White supremacy groups, or hard line religious or anti religious groups, the only difference between them is who they seek out to hate. And with that, the process is complete.

Stage Four: The Scumbag

No longer motivated by pity or sympathy but only by the anger of others, the scumbag is born anew. Now, he will seek to ruin experiences for others that he once loved, spewing vitriol and profanity in video games or on the forums he used to frequent in his earlier stages. He will seek to bring others further along the path he has followed, urging them to "see the light" and understand that hatred is the only path to have vengeance on his imagined injustices.

By now, the scumbag will have personas constructed of pure fantasy in his internet abodes. He will imagine great injustices and oppression wreaked personally upon him by the groups he has chosen to attack, and his experience as a neckbeard will serve him well in constructing these rationalizations. Once he is past this stage, there is no saving the scumbag, as he no longer wants what he doesn't have-he only wants to take the happiness from others who have it.

So, my friends , the next time you see a person ruining an online game for others because they can, or an internet post proclaiming the rightful place of all women to be subservient to men, or a comment mindlessly attacking the race or creed of the original poster for no reason...do not be afraid for humanity. What you're seeing is a scumbag, an odd bright colored fish that can only survive in the strange reef of the world wide web. Do not try to reason with them, for they are long past the reason you or I understand. Do not pity them, for they are past wanting your pity. And do not hate them, for your hate is what sustains them.

Simply chalk it up to the crazy things that can happen in....

The internet.