Help me, Professor Heimerdinger!

Another Blazblue spoof. If you're familiar with "Help Me, Professor Kokonoe!", you'll know where I'm going with this. Otherwise, here's an example of it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iRCZgKvXEw

Now imagine Heimerdinger in the place of Kokonoe, and him giving advice to "Lost Children". There'd be some differences, though.

1. Heimer is only giving advice to Champions who were in a losing match.
2. In that regard, the loss can't be a result of toxicity, disconnects, or other Riot screw-ups. Only losses resulting from being outplayed or from the "Lost Child" making some huge mistake (i.e. buying a Phantom Dancer late-game instead of a Last Whisper).
3. Heimer should be notably less condescending than Kokonoe, but still should take the time to cleverly belittle the "Lost Children".

Anybody wanna try? Or perhaps you'd like to see "Teach Me, Miss Fiora!"