Hey folks, welcome back to Mystery Draught...

Melledoneus·3/19/2017, 5:37:33 AM·4 votes·584 views

TahmKench ...I'm your host, Tom Keinch. This is the show where we invite champions from around the wonderful land of Runeterra to give them an opportunity to showcase what magnanimous and cultural brews they can bring to the stage! Without further ado, let's begin. First off, it's your favorite swordsmaster from Ionia, known for his Highlander ways and his swift, multi-man strikes, Masteeeeeerr...

#...YASUO!

Yasuo Thanks for having me. Here, it's in the flask to preserve the flavor. Sorry if I helped myself to some while I was waiting backstage.

TahmKench No matter. Now, let's give this a taste... hm... I taste fermented rice in here, with a bit of a kick. Rice sake, am I right?

Yasuo Yeah.

TahmKench I like it! Thanks for sharing, Yasuo!

Yasuo No worries. I'm going to go get some more if you want... by the way, you don't happen to have another flask, do you?

TahmKench Alright, now for our next champion... you all at least know someone who's sunstruck, right? But what about someone who's moonstruck? Give it up for... Diana!

Diana Hm.

TahmKench What an ornate chalice! It's so beautiful I hardly feel worthy drinking from it!

Diana It's an ancient relic of the now-extinct Lunari. It's the last of its kind.

TahmKench ...oh. Well, I suppose you wouldn't want an ancient relic to-

Diana I drink from it all the time, it's fine. Just taste the brew.

TahmKench Oh... it's... iced tea? I thought you would have something... you know...

Diana Something what?

TahmKench something with 'moon' in the name, like moonshine or something. W-well anyway, thanks Diana!

Diana Hmph.

TahmKench For our next champion, we have... Lissandra!!!

Lissandra I have gathered spring water from the purest reservoir in the mountains of the Freljord. It tastes heavenly. Here you go.

TahmKench ...it's frozen.

Lissandra That's the best part!

TahmKench Ok, while we wait for this to thaw, thank you Lissandra. Now, next we have... Vladimir!

Vladimir Heh heh heh.

TahmKench Excited to be here, right?

Vladimir Heh heh hah hah.

TahmKench Um... ok. Thank you... um... ergh... what is this?

Vladimir Hah hah hah hah!

TahmKench This better not be what I think it is.

Vladimir HOH HOH HOH HOH HAH HAH HAAAAH!

TahmKench Get the hell off my show.

Vladimir YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE! Turns into a pool of blood

TahmKench Ahem... sorry about that. While security drags him out, or rather... pours him out... we'll just call up the next champion... Yorick...

Yorick ...

TahmKench ...hi.

Yorick Oh, hello there.

TahmKench Is that the drink around your neck?

Yorick This is water of life. It's the final remnants of what used to be the beauty of the blessed isles. It is what keeps me alive.

TahmKench Oh... uh... I think we'll just go to our next champion... Blitzcrank.


Blitzcrank I ASSURE YOU. IT IS AN AMAZING MOTOR OIL. TOP NOTCH QUALITY. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

TahmKench Um... yes, very nice. Now... we have Alistar.

Alistar Here you go.

TahmKench What is this?

Alistar Coconut milk.

TahmKench Oh, ok. It actually tastes pretty refreshing. Thanks, Alistar.

Alistar Gives Tahm a thumbs up


Teemo :)

TahmKench :l

Teemo >:)

TahmKench >:l

Teemo Are you going to drink-

TahmKench Get out.


TahmKench Delicious, what is this?

Rammus ...

TahmKench Seriously, I need more of this. What is this?!?

Rammus Sniffle

TahmKench Rammus... this is the best drink I have ever tasted WHAT IS IT?!?

Rammus Walks off the stage

TahmKench RAMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!


Singed It's my greatest brew.

TahmKench I... don't think I should drink this.

Singed What? Why not?!?

TahmKench You... make a lot of virulent toxins...

Singed Hardly! Most of my time is spent making amazing tonics! This is my life's work!

TahmKench I'm not falling for that again. Get him out of here.

Singed Being dragged away NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Twitch :D

TahmKench I don't even want to know.


Shen Here you are.

TahmKench Ah... a relaxing green tea. Bitter and sharp yet sweet and soothing.

Shen It is Matcha. I am glad you enjoyed it.

TahmKench You know, you are the most normal person I have had on my show today-

Shen Goodness. I apologize, but Twilight duty calls. Teleports away

TahmKench ...alrighty then.


Gragas Hey, Tahm!

TahmKench Aw, sorry Gragas, that's all the time we have today! Join us next time on Mystery Draught! Good night, everyone!

1 Comments

Terozu3/19/2017, 8:58:20 AM3 votes

TahmKench : Next up; we have Annie, come on up here doll! Annie : Hiiiiii! I made tea! TahmKench : Oh well that sounds simply delectable child, here let me have a- Annie... this cup is empty... Annie : It's tea! TahmKench : ... Annie : Aren't ya gonna try it? <:( TahmKench : Well Annie, it's jus- Annie : Mr Tibbers!!!! He's not drinking the tea!!!! <:( TahmKench : Annie, dear chil- Annie : Drink the stupid tea! D:< TahmKench : Ok ok then! ...Hmm... It... actually has a flavor... wait... what th- ----5 Months Later---- SKIN PREMIER: River Gal Annie, now with a new Tahm Kench Doll! TahmKench : (I'll get you for this little girl just you wait!) Annie : Yaaaay! Tahmers!