Why do I despise malphite so much?

Yes, I'm bronze, angry and on a losing streak, flame about that later but since season 3 I have always hated malphite with a passion. No matter what role it is that im playing. He's such an in general safe pick. What's not good about a teamwide HIGH knockup that just lets him chain in the rest of his abilities before everyone even touches the ground. It's like he doesnt even have to work for it. I get he's supposed to be designed to be a moving mountain but jesus he just slides right into your backline and he's tanky enough to stay there and do whatever he wants there. Isnt there a better way for him to represent a moving mountain? i dont think mountains float through terrain and champions like a ghost until they've diced to blow my adc's back out. He's been a staple for wombo combos for years simply because his engage is so halfbrained that just anyone can do it. I know if you time the flash just right then you can dodge it but the concern isnt even me (even though I nearly always get hit), its about my teammates, people in bronze dont have that type reaction speed. I just have to sit there and watch while my team gets blown up unless i pick a champ with an equally bs ult. (sej, amumu, etc.), even then its not like i'll stop malphite from ulting and there's no taking him out before the taemfight because raw tank. That infinite slow crap he does with his Q bugs me too. get hit by one and it's baiting out your flash so he doesnt repetively Q, AA, AA, AA, Q, AA, AA, AA, you flash he ults. wow, well done. That was a very satisfying way to go out.