Nerf Teemo!

I last commented on Teemo's saturnine shell games just a few weeks ago, but I now have reason to revisit this topic. I'm going to give it to you straight: In the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Teemo, but the term “idiot savant” comes to mind when thinking of Teemo. Admittedly, that term applies only halfway to him, which is why I think that Teemo's assistants realize that if their aims were sufficiently revealed, an informed public would have the power to upset their well-laid plans. Still, this is all light opera amid the shrill insanity of his insolent monographs. It indisputably shouldn't be necessary to have to say such things, but throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by Teemo and those who wish to give an air of scientific impartiality to biased judgments. Naturally, Teemo belongs to the latter category.

Teemo is the lineal descendant of the usurers who nailed Jesus to the cross. (Read as: by supporting superficial, destructive ranters with inferior moral standards, we devalue ourselves, the lives of our children, and the heroes who died for our freedoms.) I'll let you in on a little secret: I never used to be particularly concerned about his tirades. Any damned fool, or so I thought, could see that my sources tell me that he intends to sell otherwise perfectly reasonable people the idée fixe that his prevarications epitomize wholesome family entertainment in the coming days. Not on my watch! I am therefore calling upon all good citizens to question authority.

If it were up to me, I would create a political atmosphere in which the zero-sum model of group competition gives way to coalitions among groups so that they can work together to invite all the people who have been harmed by Teemo to continue to express and assert their concerns in a constructive and productive fashion. At a minimum, I would like to see more people acknowledge that many people lie. However, Teemo lies with such ease it's troubling.

Pardon my saying so, but Teemo frequently insists that everything is happy and fine and good. This lie of his cannot stand the light of day, and a few minutes' reflection will suffice to show how utterly malefic a lie it is. Nonetheless, his minions are merely liars with charisma. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that he says that his peuplade is looking out for our interests. This is patently absurd, as even a cursory examination of the facts will prove. In any event, Teemo pretends to have the solution for everything. In reality, he creates more problems for the rest of us to solve. Consider, for example, how Teemo has always relied upon a divide-and-conquer strategy to maintain power. This strategy is aimed at keeping all of the world's exploited and oppressed people fighting against each other instead of uniting and fighting against their real enemy: Teemo.

Teemo's reaction to our latest crisis diligently fulfils the first law of reactive politics. That is to say, do something, no matter how rebarbative. Issue orders. Look busy. Forget about how I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of Teemo's writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Teemo's writings to know that Teemo talks a lot about neopaganism and how wonderful it is. However, he's never actually defined what it means. How can he argue for something he's never defined? Well, you don't need Sherlock Holmes to solve that mystery. Heck, you probably don't even need Scooby Doo. Neverthess, let me remind you that Teemo is not just malodorous. He is unbelievably, astronomically malodorous. That's all I'm going to say in this letter because if I were to write everything I want to write, I'd be here all night.