Reset Ranked as if the season restarted

I'm actually fucking aghast at how awful season nine is. This provisional ranked system is complete and utter doodoo. I don't know WHAT the fuck the main contributing factor is (trolling when off-role, general trolling, skewed MMR, whatever), but something is really fucking off. How do I know this?

I'm sitting at a 29% winrate in gold 2.

I'm unable to demote, I know this because I've been at -1 LP for a while now and despite 4 ranked losses in a row, there's been no demotion. I'm randomly paired with anywhere from plat 2 players to silver 2 players. I'm in the elo dumpster, it's either "smurfs" that won't stop typing about how good they are while tower diving level 2, or actual first-time ranked players. I've held an over-60% winrate in ranked the past three years, THREE YEARS of 60%+ winrate. What, did I just suddenly become complete and utter guttertrash from the end of season 8 to now? I can go in to a normal game and wreck face as something as off-meta as AP Udyr, but the moment I set foot in to ranked queues I get juggled around like the fifth ball in a circus act, I just don't get it. And I'm very very confident that it has something to do with the provisional role ranks, and how the entire game got destroyed over it.

I repeat.

From 60%+ winrate to 29% winrate. From being able to reliably play the game to slogging through toxic rage and first-timers. From gold 2 to gold 2 because I can't even demote for some reason, I'm literally hardstuck. Like, I can't go backwards or forwards. I'm just stuck here. Help me, please, I'm in limbo, and the only way to save me is to restart the entire season, otherwise I have to make a new account just to play ranked, and I don't smurf out of fucking PRIDE in my account.