I've come to the realization I'm bad at this game.

Despite the fact I think of myself having good mechanics, I've stayed in low-mid gold for 2 consecutive seasons, unable to proceed further.

I spent a lot of games mad at my teams for making bad judgment calls, overextending, staying in enemy base after taking inhib for no reason, and having no faith in my team if they start doing poorly, meaning I feel like every game is entirely up to me, and if I mess up, that's gg because I felt like my team wouldn't possibly be able to carry.

I normally don't say anything negative to my other teammates, but I definitely 'flame' myself and put myself on tilt if I make a mistake in lane, and it's cost me more than a few hundred games. When I screw up in mid and give the enemy laner a single kill, I hardcore tilt, type 'gg', and my mechanics suffer for the rest of the match. Over one kill.

I don't have an overarching plan for what I'm doing at any given point, so I spend time randomly wandering to top or bot when I'm mid, losing cs and pressure in my own lane. I'm bad at cs'ing in general, only averaging ~140 for a 30 minute game, and don't make the effort during the game to focus whatever cs I possibly can.

For the longest time, I was in denial about all this. I felt I was a lot better than I really was, and I noticed after recognizing my mistakes, and consciously thinking "Mm.. no don't wander. Farm cs and get stronger for later." or "There's absolutely nothing to gain even if we win this fight in the jg, ping back and take bot turret" or "Don't press enter. Don't type. It won't help. Just play.". I've finally got out of low gold-5 on the verge of demotion and am a lot higher than I've been in months.