return damage should not be a strong mechanism for dealing with enemy aggression.
"I punish you for attacking me", i.e. "i don't have to do anything. your own actions kill you". should not be a thing.
It is extremely frustrating to spend your kit on an opponent who is fighting you and see their HP go up. This happens if your champion has low damage output (see "tank") and the opponent has good sustain or specifically "pre mitigation" (hp per AA used) sustain. Thonmail's purpose is to take care of that and make sure that if you fight someone, their HP bar goes down, rather than stays even or goes up - and ideally it should go down close to what your kit is capable of outputting.
Thornmail is not and should not be for killing your opponent. You have to spend your effort and resources to kill your opponent. Not just put yourself in front of them and then they automatically die.