In a balancing sense, why are League Players so overpowered and yet completely useless in teamfights

I thought about it today when the snowstorm came over my facility, during the mandatory faculty meeting of Tobi Industries. Trademark.

I realized that while the Riot Balancing Team is incapable and herded by their supports of girly finger pushers compared to manly thumb -mashing interactive games. Perhaps this game needs to focus more on the balancing of players, rather than their heroes, or are they called gods?

Are they gods? Please someone run this by me.

No they're not gods I'd think because gods are overpowered, but they are champions! Are they part of the Champions' Covenant? Hell no. Some of the lore doesn't even recognize they're bad-ass champions!

They're so bad-ass they've repeated the same line by me over a million times. Would you please shut the hell up gangplank?

I am getting off-topic but I realized if I just make sentences separate from each other instead of giant paragraphs, perhaps people will read this well-put thread I've made, yes? Probably not.

Now here's the news baby, I've figured out a way to balance this game. Have you ever put glue on your arm and let it stick there and dry then peel it off later?

I have, and man it feels good. So I advise we use this tactic to balance, if we let trash-players dominate the competitive scene, like glue on the arm of the hairiest man. Scientifically speaking, and I learned this in my Language 101 Class, If we speak like the baboon the baboon will recognize us as brethren. We have to reach out to their world, the third-world country!

Let the Chinese take over the Pay-Per-View events Riot. And let me, your average American school-boy as my fellow DotA Russian players used to call me. Let me be your next champion.

I will destroy your horrid character designs and generic and mediocre splash arts and put in, emotion beauty, and replace big boobs, with small boobs that have nipples that show!

Champions shouldn't wear undergarments Riot, they need to have their flesh free! They're champions not peasants.

Listen to me... now I might be super-creative and my fanbase might be composed of kawaii-desu-moi loliconners, and alot of smart bronze players, and a hell of a lot of platinum dislikers that actually think this game is good and spam the hell out of that thumbs-down by my screen name, but that's why this game is going to hell. Listen... you hear that? That's me shaving my legs while I play league and still win my matches while I draw creative and intricate character kits like Boardy, or my upcoming champion creation "The Health Inspectah".

We need to have a good representation of our company motto, we should say, hey guys! We're making all champions free! Because we're a democracy beaches. But then how do we get paid? This is how.

We sell our League credit cards. A shitload of them.

If any of you disagree with my business plan, by all means I'd like your feedback I am a very negotiable person when dealing with retardation. Autism is also my special, as well as Alzheimer s disease because all my haters couldn't remember the last ass-whooping I gave them. I can smell the female-dog in them....OOOOHHHHH IT'S SOME ANTIQUE FEMALE DOG. (See I'm very good with wording things, I clearly meant to say beach)