What factors go into the question of, "How do we balance this hero?"

I have composed a conversation between two champions who would, based on their lore background, clearly say themselves:

Does the chicken go quack or oink oink oink? You fool, the chicken is clearly a rooster and should have the ability to make eggs like a rooster. Roosters are truly...truly...truly...truly...truly...truly...truly...truly...truly...truly... ...getting destroyed by ranged creeps with 6 core items. My face is very pedo as my animal which I ride on achieves interesting assets from eating monsters in the tribal safari. Wuju rework my double ringed power swords to achieve maximum velocity 0 AP ratios?! Why flat snare? When you can percentage snare little marathon swordsman ;) A rooster with breast, is just a hen with no chest, said Hawkley Quinn. I am the living embodiment for the God of Cancer, and Egyptian representation, gucci. You want a third person Draven joke?! ...I got this... Shooting some BBall outside of the school, when a couple of demacians was up to no good, starting farming straight up in my neighborhood. "He got in one little fight and his daddy got scared, and he threw him up an ult and yelled 'Help' to the jungle who camped up there." You were expecting, Sandy Clause? Surpriseeeeeeeee, it's Quack. My hair matches the velocity of an object falling from knock-up subtracted by the air resistance divided by logic. When I was a kitten, I was always the strongest... When I became a cat, monster would soon learn fear; and the effectiveness of reworks. Violence is red, my armor is blue, I am underplayed, and undertowed are you! Riot condones attacking handicapped people. And mentally unstable pyromaniac children with no real parental control. As I live, oh wait that's not my line. Handbone connected to axe bone, dial phone connected to -BALANCE OFFICE PLEASE HOLD- Title wise I'm supposed to be barbaric, yet I have the intelligence to make a diplomatic treaty with a foreigner who is completely unaware of our cultural needs, perhaps this symbolizes the bond between Riot and the Chinese team. And I used to be a tomboy voice, but now I curve like the curves of my thighs and it sounds like, "mmm" not "umm". Fighting me is like boxing with high-heels. French flies. At the beginning of every duo queue, I spent my mana, and now I'm single... My passive says 10% damage to slowed enemies, so why don't I just rush frozen mallet? WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME?! WHY, PLEASE I WANT TO TAKE THE EARS OFF, BUT I CAN'T IT'S MY CURSE, IT'S MY F** CURSE My dark and brooding past requires me to be severely stupid to play against and my giant gauntlet will compensate for my amazingly soft and feminine arms. WhY sO CrEaTiVe RiTo? My...hands...they're just so soft and feminine....I must wear these giant gauntlets and ask for splash art rework to look menacing and be a strong female protagonist. H.P. Lovecraft once said, "If it it's ugly and scary and disgusting, nobody will read it... so put big silicon in it's water balloons." Thank you, now I know! [G.I.JOEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!] Caught between a rock? And a balanced place...? "Swimmingly." It doesn't make sense to have this guy in the game because 22% of league players represent this character. White, Blonde, Overconfident and Insanely enthusiastic about telling people they're old! (RCCNP) Riot Condones Children with No Parents "If Rito asks; this balance is fake." I had sideboobs, but then feminists attacked me and turned me Chinese. Chinafied, if that wasn't clarified. I am the last of the original Riot Art Team, please... don't let them take me... One of my abilities is to use my other abilities faster.

(Part 2 Coming Soon)