I actually mained jungle for the majority of my accounts, nowadays I mostly play ARAM. However I have a few funny incidents about an IRL friend that I no longer play with (too much rage) who tried going jungle (usually was a mid laner).
The game would always start with him building the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I told him to build to help him clear (he thought he was a special snowflake and I - admittedly probably am - pretty shit and he was the carry every game), and would never run Armor Seals (more damage ftw). I specifically remember a game where he went Elise since he had the Victorious Elise skin and started with a Hunter's Machete while simultaneously we were on Red Side and I was top lane. He insisted on starting Golems/Krugs for the extra 6-hit-stun (was it 6?) that vastly helped clears on champions like Rek'Sai and others. I was top lane and tried to help him with a beefy leash, but there's only so much I could do. Needless to say, he had a very bad time. He was out of Mana by the time he finished Red Buff, had no smite, and was left with virtually no HP and no Spiderlings to help him tank Raptors.
Executes to (at the time 4) Raptors He's immediately like "wtf dude how do you full clear on Elise?" To which I informed him that he NEEDED to start a Hunter's Talisman (if he wasn't going for Blue Buff) for the +Mana Regen and HP Steal/Burn or at the very least start Blue Buff on Elise or else he's going to have a bad time. His response: "No that's stupid you need Red Buff to gank."
How does one gank if you're dead to your own jungle 50% of the match? :thinking:
He then proceeds to go to Blue Buff and barely finished it with Smite, then goes to clear Scuttlecrab for some extra HP only to be dueled to death by the enemy Shyvana. He's now very pissed off that he's 0/2/0 and starts flaming our team in chat for not helping him. Shyvana then solo's Dragon and (I assume) goes back to base for some sweet items. Now my friend is in chat spamming "fuck you guys I'm afk farming useless silvers" and some fun stuff like that. He then goes to Gromp, gets pushed out by Shyvana again, and begins the flame all over again. Rather than basing at <25% Health, he decides that his 1 Hunter's Machete and 0 Health Potions are enough to kill the Wolves with no Smite. He then proceeds to execute to Wolves and is in Curse Voice saying the most horrendous, racist things about "this game is fucking stupid only retarded ______'s play this game anymore man" - you can fill in the blanks. Meanwhile I'm Malphite top trying my best to hold against the Fiora that wants to duel me every second I go for a CS. No big deal, it's expected honestly. He then starts asking me: "How the fuck do you get the Spiderlings to tank for you? They don't do shit." My response: "The Spiderlings have to be closer to the jungle creeps than you do for them to take aggro." His response: "What the fuck dude you have to sit here and move all the time killing jungle creeps? That's bullshit. How the fuck are you supposed to look at the map too?"
Silence on my end after realizing that everyone we ever played with called him boosted and asked where he bought his account for a reason.
I tried to inform him about Attack-Move Click and how you can literally click on the ground ANYWHERE after aggro'ing the jungle creep and it will walk back into auto range and trade an auto, and how to properly kite the jungle creeps while using AA-Resets to gain a 1-hit advantage on it, which would slowly add up to drastically improve his pathing and longevity, to which every response was: "This is bullshit, nobody does that, you're just saying that to make it harder I don't know why, jungle fucking sucks nobody plays this role at high elo for a reason."
I no longer play with this player, and there's way too many people I can mouse-over (or hold F1-5) if they steal my role and watch them clearing jungle camps like absolute garbage. The only champion he ever seemed to have success with (by success I mean not executing to minions) was Rageblade-Devourer Xin Zhao after 30 minutes of AFK-farming when the entire team was dying to their 20/0 Shyvana/Rengar/Kha'Zix etc., and even then it was a "RIGHT-CLICK THEM, I HAVE MORE STATS I WIN" sort of deal. Most of the time he would dive into the entire enemy team and suicide with 0 Armor or MR built and be in Curse Voice all like, "WTF, my team sucks I do all the damage and nobody else does anything. You guys suck, if you would have came in with me we would have won dude. This is why I'm stuck in Silver this season. All of them are pussies anyways that won't fight me 1v1." Meanwhile spamming /all chat calling them scared and essentially letting them know 100% that he's tilted and will tilt harder. Right, the 20/0 Shyvana, 10/0 Ahri, and 15/0 Caitlyn aren't going to shred my 2/1 Malphite with 1 item. And no shit Sherlock, it's a 5v5, and they have a Jungler as well. When they see you're at a <10% win rate with Jungle, feed like you're trying to end world hunger, and build full offense with absolutely 0 defensive runes/masteries/items...they're going to invade you, Kindred is going to Mark you within 5 seconds of the match starting, and you will have 0 jungle pressure. You're going to have a bad time, and you absolutely deserve it. Stop trying to hyper-carry and learn the basics of the jungle (and the game) first. The monsters have changed drastically throughout the years, and Riot has done a fairly awesome job at trying to give every champ that CAN clear jungle creeps some form of sustain for the game. Executing to Raptors nowadays isn't the worst thing in the world (Ritoplsnerfchickens) but it's certainly less than ideal, and if the enemy has ANY aggressive warding to show your pathing, they will die laughing and invade the ever-living shit out of you for eternity and take all your camps.
Oh and on a separate occasion (pretty obvious what happened) he decided on Kha'Zix that (at the time Red had 2 mini creatures guarding it) clearing Red Buff first was the fastest way to jungle. Nevermind you can kill the little creatures in 1-2 hits and have an Isolated target for essentially double the damage, nope I'm retarded and right-clicking while afk'ing is clearly the best strategy.
An Ally has been slain.
Sorry for the long post, this brought up so many horror-story-esque memories of watching him run through the jungle right-clicking on every camp and executing while not understanding why/how to clear each camp, kiting, champions, and items work. Looking back I think it's hilarious (minus the racism/flaming/boosting parts), both of us being in our mid-20's and watching a grown man unable to learn over and over again and making an ass out of himself.
