Whats this? Garen - The Might of Demacia is evolving and became: Garen - The Gar-bear of Ter-or!!!

It is my intention with this post to address what I believe to be general improvements to the very might of the Demacian Vanguard.

Now because I'm psycho, I can read your thoughts. I know you're going to cry to me and say, "But Alloni, Garen is just so badass and fearful as is that if he were to be any better my colon would drop out of my body!!!" And to that I say to you, "Yes! Just let it happen; it will be over soon enough."

So what changes must be done in order to create this monstrosity of $%$@ prolapse? I ask this rhetorically cause I already know the answer, I am eccentric in this way. Eccentric? Crazy? Whatever.

Lets look at Garen's W and what can be done in order to make it even more incredible than it already is. As is, Garen's W has two parts of it, for those that having been living under a rock from sheer terror for a few years now since his release. The first part is a passive that allows Garen to gain additional armor and magic resistance based on his bonus armor and magic resistance. The second part is an active that grants Garen 30% damage reduction and tenacity for a period of time. Pretty $%&* scary right? Now lets make it more terrifying; keep the passive the same and make the active so that the amount of damage reduction and the duration increase with the amount of damage you actually take.

An example of this would be: initial duration = 3 seconds 15% damage reduction and tenacity Maximum duration= 9 seconds 50% damage reduction and tenacity

Feel free to close your hanging jaw and listen up cause this change is important. The initial duration and amount is an overall Nerf since the live version is 30% for 6 seconds at its final level. But overall this is a massive buff to Garen AND it will separate a good Garen from a great Garen since you have to actually time the ability to get the most out of it.

Now, if that wasn't fearful enough, lets look at his E. This move needs no introduction; even for those living under a rock because its massive force already ripped up the rock and shredded them to bits. Well until it hits late game, that it hit them like an annoying little fly that kind of scratches your face lightly, but you don't mind it because in weird, sort of sexual way, it kind of feels good. It kind of feels good, man.

But why does this move only scratch you late game? Does its scaling fall off? Does its base damage feel weak? The answer to both of these are rather simple: %^#$ NO! This is GAREN we are talking about!!! So, what is the problem then? Well, I will tell you. Well I will actually write it down and you will read this line, so it is not exactly "telling" you, but that's just a phrase. It's just a phrase, man.

The issue actually due to the fact that the move last 3 seconds long and in order for it to do the most damage it can, they have to be hit for that long. That wouldn't be much of an issue if it weren't for the fact that Garen is as mobile as mountain; It moves, just not very quickly. How do we fix this issue, while keeping it thematic and remaining as iconic as it is? BY GIVING IT A MOTHER dating and respecting her as a person and waiting for the right moment to have bonded a sufficient amount before proceeding to take the relationship further VORTEX!!!!!!!!!.

This vortex would work by pulling at a certain range and it becoming stronger as they get closer to the eye of the storm (Gar-bear). Basically, it is weaker farther away and becomes stronger and stronger as you are near him.

That's right! Garen spins with so much force it actually pulls those within its range toward him. AND this suction range and amount can be made to scale off of his movement speed!!! Imagine, running in there with , , and your active and you suck in the entire enemy team, dragon, baron, the towers, the nexus, the fountain tower and then you die because of all those things are hitting you. How awesome would that be!! A little too awesome you think? There is no counter play you say? WRONG! It can be escaped if you can jump out of it and get out of the force.

Finally, lets get to the finale. The moment we are all waiting for. We know it by one word: JUSTICE!!!!! Or FOR THE CAUSE!!!! or (LOUD GRUNTS!!!!!). Honestly, I love this move, but it just needs something extra, keeping with its looks and its theme and all. Cause we don't want Garen to change that much when he evolves into Gar-bear.

When Garen calls on the wraith of the Spaghetti Monster itself on his opponents, not only does it destroy a low health target, but it also emits such a huge wave of awesome that it silences those around the blast radius for a certain amount of time. What's that? Silence is too strong? That's a little too much? Fine be babies and make it a knock back, slow, stun, etc.

Now, with all these changes combined, they form the ultimate champion: GAREN - THE GAR-BEAR OF TER-0R (Say it in a way that rhymes)

If you are somehow still reading this and managed to get thru all of that random craziness that is my terrible attempt at humor, thanks for reading and if you look past a bunch of references you might not get, jokes that made this feel long, how bored you were, and just general suckery that was my post, you will find some terrible advice on how I think Garen should be. See ya.