Someone once wrote that the film 300 had dialogue written by an 8 year olds...ya know.
Anyway, I feel like that same author created this character. And all I can think is - I hope they made a character that really speaks to the "30-something, over worked, under paid, and stupidly attending grad school part time" player.
You know, like a zombie that just looks perennially tired:
Passive - Skillless. Due to an alarming lack of skills, your passive gold generation takes an extra second. Should have gone to Business School.
Q - Caffine Bomb: Gives you a +15% Armor bonus, and a +10% MS bonus for 4 seconds. For when you were on site at 7 a.m., and class begins at 7:00 p.m.
W - FOMO: You're poor and never have cash. Channeling this FOMO, you planes shift and are untargetable for 2 seconds.
E - Crushed Dreams: unleashing a scathing blog post on nearby enemies about how you're never going to climb the corporate ladder, all nearby enemy units and champions suffer a 75% decrease in MS. Because you should have gone to Business School.
R - Maybe I'll just quit and become a bartender: Give up on life, become a gypsy, and get a sleeve tattoo. You hurl a cocktail at a predefined location. Enemy units hit my your cocktail are charmed for 2 seconds, and give you an additional 15 gold.