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Champion Concept: Delyora (Del-e-or-u) The Starheart Blacksmith

CRYOATIC01··2 votes·1,111 views

Delyorah The Star-Heart Blacksmith Lore: Delyora Grew up in Targon as the son of two Council Officials in the Targon Embassy. Because of this he lived a very privileged life in his younger years, attending numerous parties and socializing only with the finest men and women the world had to offer. That is, however, until both of his parents were accused and found guilty of stealing large amounts of profit over the years from the lower class keeping them in a perpetual state of poverty. Outraged to learn of the council member’s treason, the people of Targon stormed Delyora’s home and murdered his parents whilst he watched from a crack in the closet door he was hiding in. With his parents dead and no one willing to take him in, young Delyora was placed in an orphanage were, upon learning who his parents where, he was constantly beaten and terrorized by both the young and old of the city. It wasn't until seven years later, when Delyora was now 16 years old, that an elderly man took him in to be his apprentice in the art of forging. Because of the years of trauma Delyora had endured, he did not trust the kindly stranger, fearing that he was merely tricking him into another beating as many had done before with false promises of companionship. But over time, as the old man protected him time and time again from those who meant him harm, Delyora finally began to warm up to the old fool. As the man taught him how to smith weapons in tools in his forge on the outer edge of the city, Delyora found that he was naturally talented at not only crafting weapons, but at fighting with them too. For hours upon hours each day he practiced with swords, hammers, and anything else he could find the time to create. He soon became one of the greatest weapon smith and combatant in the city and yet despite his gifts no one, besides the old man he came to see as his second father, ever saw him for more than the son of two treacherous criminals. Crestfallen and distraught, Delyora forged a mask of gold and iron to hide his face, and left the city and headed into the mountains to build his own forge away from the ridicule of those who refused to see him as his own person, separate from the actions of his former parents. Then, on the eve of the annual Star Light festival, an event that Delyora rarely went to for fear of being dragged into an alleyway to be beaten by yet another group of his adversaries, That a large, magnificent beast burst forth from the sky, cloaked in the raw beauty and fury of the cosmos, bending and shaping the heavens around him with the ease that only a master craftsman possesses. It was while watching the stars orbiting the dragon, feeling the searing heat as each one passed overhead, that Delyora had a revelation. He sprinted to the top of the nearest mountain and called to the great dragon saying, “ Great dragon! Hear me! I have seen no flame so pure or powerful than that you possesses, please give me a portion of your starfire to use in my forge.” At this, the God-like being bellowed and said, “A species as primitive as yours is incapable of handling my starfire. None but i can wield it.” But, still a young man, Delyora was stubborn and persistent insisting for days that the dragon share the flames with him. Growing bored, and annoyed, the dragon called down one of the many stars that surrounded him and brought it down upon the mountain in which Delyora was standing, shattering it and nearly killing him in the process. Frustrated and feeling humiliated, Delyora went back to his forge, fuming at the selfishness of the beast. It was just as Delyora was getting ready to head into town for supplies for his forge that he was met with 8 of Targon’s armed guard and the 10 council members. Fearing that they had come to punish him for angering the deity, he mentally prepared himself to flee through a backdoor of his forge. But, rather than trying to arrest him, one of the council members stepped forward and assigned Delyora with the task of making a headpiece made of stargems for the Dragon. Infuriated by the request to honor the beast that had humiliated him, he attempted to strike the council member but was quickly restrained by two of the armed guard as the Council explained that, with the use of the Headpiece, the wished to not only command the dragon, but destroy his stars anytime he refused to comply with their instructions. Seeing this as the opportunity he had been waiting for, Delyora readily agreed to forge the crown so long as he be given the heart of every star they destroy. After a brief discussion, the council agreed to his wishes and provided him with the stargems he would need to create it. Working with newfound purpose, Delyora slaved over the forge for days on end, forging and shaping the stones in the way only a true master of the craft could accomplish. After he had finished this, his greatest work, he presented it to the council who then gave it to the dragon. The great beast, much to Delyora’s relief, accepted the gift. The moment he donned the crown, although he didn’t realize it at the time, Aurelion Sol was bound to the Council for which Delyora had made another 10 crowns of silver and starstone that allowed them to command the cosmic deity.
Over time, the dragon grew bored of the fledgling civilization and left Targon. And so, the council donned their headpieces and began to take command of the dragon. It was not long before Aurelion Sol rebelled against his newfound captors. And with his first outburst, fell the first star. Its heart falling to Targon below where it was retrieved and given to Delyora. Never before had he worked with such a violent beauty as starfire. It strengthened his blades so that the never dulled, although the flames nearly destroyed his forge every time he used them. Each star, he found, manifested itself in his creation with different properties added to the already masterful creations. Some caused wounds inflicted by his weapons to weigh those he had struck down to little more than a shamble. Whilst other seared through armour as though it was fresh linen. For years he perfected the art he called starfire forging. For what he had done for all of Targon the Council gave him the honorary title of Delyora, Humbler of Gods. And soon everyone began to forget the shame of Delyora’s lineage. Though out of the years of torture he had endured, he still wore his mask in public to hide his face from the world. However, over time the steady supply of star hearts he had been receiving began to dwindle steadily until they ceased altogether. Running low on his supply, Delyora confronted the Council only to find that they were more content to bicker amongst themselves than to control the dragon. Fearing that if he was not able to continue making great works for Targon, the people would revert back to the days of hatred towards him for the actions of his parents. He gathered up the remaining Stars Hearts he had left and set out in pursuit of the dragon. If the council could not control Aurelion Sol, he would have to do it himself.

NOTE

Read the W passive before continuing. it will save you alot of time and confusion.

Delyora’s Abilities

Passive: Starheart Smithing

Delyora starts each game with 3 Star Hearts that can be used to forge his own unique weapons in the shop. The weapon he chooses determines the effects of  his abilities as well as the weapon he wields throughout the game. Delyora will only buy one weapon per game and refuses to sell it after he has left the shop.  The Weapon he chooses to make can be upgraded (at the expense of a Star Heart)  giving him bonus stats and effects.

Passive: Weapons Master 50% of Delyora’s CDR is applied to his activated items.

Delyora’s Weapons Hammers

Starforged Hammer (Costs 400G + 1 Star Heart) +50 HP +5 AD Unique Passive: Debilitating Starfire- Units inflicted with one or more stacks of Starfire are slowed by 2.5% per Stack.

Starborn hammer (Costs 850G + 1 Star Heart + Starforged Hammer) +150 HP +15 AD +10 AP Unique passive: Depilitating Starfire- Units inflicted with one or more stacks of Starfire are slowed by 3% per Stack.

Unique active: Crushing strike- Delyora strikes the area in front of him dealing 100% AD + 20% AP physical damage and applies a stack of starfire to all enemy units in the area.(10 second cooldown)

StarHeart Greathammer (Costs 650G +1 Star Heart + Tiamat +Starborn Hammer + Jaurims fist)

+450 HP +50 AD +30 AP Unique Passive: Debilitating Starfire- Units inflicted with one or more stacks of Starfire are slowed by 4% per Stack.

Unique Passive: Cleave- basic attacks deal 30 + 35% AD + 20% AP magic damage in an area around the target and apply a stack of starfire to all units hit. Deals 1/3rd damage to targets near the edge.

Unique Active: Crushing strike- Delyora strikes the area in front of him dealing 125% AD + 40% AP physical damage and applies a stack of starfire to all enemy units hit. (8 second cooldown)

Delyora Weapons Swords

Starforged Shortsword (Costs 450G + 1 Star Heart)

+8 AD +10 AP +Heal for 2% of damage dealt Unique Passive: Corrosive Starfire- Units inflicted with one or more stacks of Starfire lose 1% of their armour and magic resist for each stack.

Starborn Longsword (Costs 850G +1 Star Heart + Starforged Shortsword)

+20 AD +15 AP +Heal for 3% of damage dealt Unique Passive: Corrosive Starfire- Units inflicted with one or more stacks of Starfire lose 2% of their armour and magic resist for each stack.

Unique Active: Piercing Strike- (AA reset) Delyora strikes the target dealing 110% AD physical damage + 15% AP magic damage and applies a stack of starfire. (9 second cooldown)

Starheart Greatsword (Costs 400G +1 Star Heart + B.F. Sword +Recurve Bow)

+75 AD +30 AP +20% attack speed +Heal for 5% of damage dealt Unique Passive: Corrosive Starfire- Units inflicted with one or more stacks of Starfire lose 3% of their armour and magic resist for each stack.

Unique Passive: Starheart’s Fury- while attacking a unit inflicted with one or more stacks of starfire, Delyora gains 5% attack speed for each stack.

Unique Active: Piercing Strike- (AA reset) Delyora strikes the target dealing 120% AD physical damage + 25% AP magic damage and applies a stack of starfire. (6 second cooldown)

Q - Depredating arc / Incising strike

Depredating arc (Hammer) (Costs 45 mana at all ranks) Cooldown 11/9.5/8//6.5/5 seconds

Delyora strikes the ground in front of him dealing 40/55/70/85/100 +60% AD physical damage in a cone and applies a stack of starfire to all enemy units in the area leaving behind a patch of unstable ground. After .75 seconds, the unstable ground erupts dealing 20/40/60/80/100 + 30% AP magic damage to all units in the area. If an enemy champion with 4 or more stacks of starfire is in the area when it erupts, the area also grounds targets hit for 1/1.25/1.5/1.75/2 seconds.

Incising Strike (Sword) (Costs 40 mana at all ranks) Cooldown 11/9/7/5/3 seconds

Delyora strikes in a line in front of him dealing 50/90/130/190/210 + 95% AD physical damage to all enemies hit. If a unit is hit and is inflicted with one or more starfire stacks, incising strike does a bonus 2/4/6/8/10%, +7% AP per stack, damage as magic damage. If an enemy champion struck by incising strike is inflicted with 4 or more stacks of starfire, that champion does 4%, +2% per stack, less damage for 4 seconds.

W- Celestial Flames (Costs 85/75/65/55/45 mana) Active Cooldown 20/17/14/11/8 seconds

Passive: Forged in Starfire- Delyora’s auto attacks inflict starfire on the target stacking up to six times. These stacks last for 5/5.5/6/6.5/7 seconds. Delyora’s active abilities against targets afflicted with one or more stacks of starfire consume all starfire stacks on the target.

Active- (Hammer)

Delyora ignites all nearby units afflicted with Starfire dealing .5/1/1.5/2/2.5% of that unit's current health +1/2/3/4/5% AP magic damage per stack inflicted on it over 5 seconds. If a Unit is afflicted with 4 or more stacks of starfire, it is snared for .5 seconds, +.25 seconds per stack.

Active- (Sword)

Delyora ignites target enemy champion or neutral monster afflicted with one or more stacks of starfire dealing 2/2.5/3/3.5/4% of the targets current health +1.5/3/4.5/6/7.5% AP per stack of starfire over 4 seconds. If the target is killed by Celestial Flames, the mana cost and 50% of the cooldown is refunded. If the target is Afflicted with 4 or more stacks of starfire, 30%, +5% per stack, of the damage is converted into true damage.

E- Targon’s Might / Divide and Conquer

Targon’s Might (Hammer) (Costs 65/55/45/40/35 mana) Cooldown 14/12/10/8/6 seconds

Delyora rushes forward to target location carrying all enemy units hit with him dealing 50/80/110/140/170 +65% AD, +5% of Delyora’s current health, physical damage to all targets hit. If he hits a unit afflicted with 4 or more stacks of Starfire, the unit is stunned for .8 seconds +.15 seconds per stack.

Divide and Conquer (Sword) (Costs 70/60/50/40/30 mana) Cooldown 11/9/7.5/6/5 seconds

Delyora lunges forward dealing 70/105/150/185/220 +85% AD physical damage to all enemies hit IF Divide and conquer hits an enemy champion inflicted with 4 or more stacks of starfire, Delyora’s next 2 auto attacks within 5 seconds against that target critically strike for 110%, +10% per stack, and apply an additional starfire stack.

R- Starheart Surge / Starheart Rage

Starheart Surge (Hammer) (Costs 100/85/70 mana) Cooldown 120/100/80 seconds

Passive- Weight of the Stars The slow applied to enemy units afflicted with Debilitating Starfire is double if they are moving away from Delyora.

Passive- Overflow While off cooldown, deal 15/30/45 + 5% AP magic damage per second to all enemy units near Delyora applying a stack of starfire every 2/1.5/1 seconds

Active Delyora Briefly focuses the energy of the Star Hearts into his hammer channeling for 1 second before pulling all surrounding enemy units to him dealing 150/275/400 + 40% AD + 35% AP magic damage and applies max stacks of starfire to all units hit.

Starheart Rage (Sword) (Costs 100/80/60 mana) Cooldown 90/70/50 seconds

Passive- Unrelenting Fire If a nearby enemy champion is afflicted with 4 or more stacks of starfire, Corrosive Starfire burns through double the armour and magic resist.

Passive- Overflow While off cooldown, Delyora’s auto attacks deal an additional 10/25/40 + 10% AP magic damage and have a 40/60/80% chance to apply an additional stack of starfire.

Active For the next 5/7/9 seconds, delyora gains 15/20/25% movement speed whilst heading towards enemy champions afflicted with starfire, 20/30/40% bonus attack speed, and his activated abilities do not consume stacks of starfire, they instead add one.

My thoughts:

I designed each kit to have a unique style of play. The hammer path (thats what im calling it for now) is ment to be played as a tanky disrupter in team fights. applying stacks and locking down multiple enemy champions at once if well positioned. while the Sword path is more about single target dueling. hopping from one champ to the next to get the job done quickly and efficiently if you use your starfire stacks appropriately.

18 Comments

Billcurme2 votes

Hey oh, Billcurme here. As per your request, I've come to check out your champ idea!

Now, I want to be blunt here. I like the general concept, but to be fair, this has a few flaws that I'd like to address. I know you said you are going to be re-posting this idea with some alterations, but as you sent me this post, this is the one I will be talking about.

I want to put it out right here that I don't want to dishearten you with anything I say. I highly encourage a creative mind and like what you've made here. I'm simply going to address issues I believe would prevent this champion from seeing play. I'm no expert with champ ideas (Lord knows mine get SLAMMED during contests XD)

First I'll address the kit, as this is the main bulk of the problem. I'll go through each thing individually so you can get a more clear view of the ideas I'm talking about.

Starheart Smithing (innate): The idea of this passive is basically to roll two completely different play-styles into one champion. This is a VERY ambitious move, as balancing this would be very difficult. You have to be careful not to make one playstyle stronger than another, thus making the other playstyle useless (hi Kayle). You also have to be careful not to have both playstyles cover the others weaknesses perfectly, or else risk having him be 100% pick or 100% ban rate due to how flexible he is to different situations (old Viktor).

The items themselves aren't too bad. The Hammers have a clear identity of a crowd-control item with decent health and physical damage, and a small slow that can build up over time. You might want to address the cooldown, as with his ability to reduce the cooldown of the activated power with normal items and a Ruby Sightstone, you could potentially be doing the 'ground-pound' as quickly as every 6.25 seconds. Combine that with the ability having no mana cost and decent damage, and you kinda have a very powerful ability. The fact that he can apply starfire in a cone with his basic attacks is pretty powerful, but that is at least something that can be worked with.

The Swords however are pretty scary. It basically turns this guy into a better Kayle, giving him a nice heal (redonkulous with Gunblade), and the ability to shred resistances so quickly tanks shudder at the concept. That however, is nothing more than a raised eyebrow in the grand scheme of things: nothing to frightening. What scares me is the final form of the sword. When I picture 'Greatsword', I picture a hulking two-handed weapon that takes all of your strength to wield, and thats not going anywhere quickly. However, the way you have it set up, he'll be swinging it around like its a pool noodle due to that crazy strong attack-speed buff on. The activated ability isn't bad, and the defence shred is manageable. But good lord that attack speed buff needs to be addressed.

Weapon Master (innate): To be honest, probably my favourite part of your kit. I really like the idea of a seasoned artisan being able to get the most out of his weapons. the potential 22.5 cooldown reduction on items has a nice noticeable scale in power, and all in all feels like a good part of the kit.

Depredating Arc (q): I don't hate it. This one is mostly something that you need to address numbers with. Its a tad similar to a coned Poppy Q with the added twist of causing enemies to be grounded. I only worry that the grounded lasts a little too long, as it's a very strong form of cc that can make or break certain champions that rely on their escape tools. Cooldown is a little low, though. You already encourage this champion to build CD reduction with his Weapon Master passive. That means if you go full 40%cd (assuming you don't go down the cunning tree), at max ranks your whipping out exploding ground every 3 seconds. That is a very large amount of powerful CC, and thats only one ability!

Incising Strike (q): This one is a tad flawed with its CD and damage. 3s at max rank, 1.8 with cd reduction, and your just stabbing all day long, reducing enemies damage and pretty much giving them a bad day. This ability leaves very little room for counterplay, as any enemy that jumps in to engage is just begging to be slapped with a 12-16% damage reduction. Not to mention: it hurts! mixed damage is already difficult to build against. Admittedly, he mostly does ad damage, but that little bit of ap slapped on can really break certain champs.

Celestial Flames (w): The passive part of this ability is pretty much his bread and butter. Applying stacks of Starfire to augment his weapons and abilities helps solidify his two roles. One thing that worries me is how quickly Stacks of starfire can be reapplied once consumed (particularly with his sword). Perhaps giving it a small cooldown after the stacks are consumed?

Now, the activated parts. Hammer Ignites all nearby units afflicted with starfire and roots heavily afflicted units for 1.5 - 2 seconds. Wait, what? Ouch, thats a powerful snare. The damage is decent, and the snare on heavily afflicted units is powerful. Given how starfire works and that he consumes the starfire after he uses the ability, it means he'd only ever use it to snare people for a long time so he can stack up more starfire. That might be gated by his cooldown at earlier levels, but with how much its reduced and how he's encouraged to build CD reduction anyway, that doesn't stop him for long. going from 20 seconds to 5 seconds is a gigantic drop, and seems a little ridiculous. That part of my argument carries on to my next point:

Sword forms activated ability. Ignite target enemy afflicted with Starfire. Ok, not bad. Deal a large amount of damage. Yeah, fits the sword theme. Refund mana and reduce cooldown on kills. Well, that seems a little much, though not as powerful when he gets to higher ranks due to its already low cooldown. Deals ture damage to units with 4-or-more stacks. O.O Umm, wow. Its not un-heard of, but given how hard he is to itemize against already, and how spamable this ability can be, I'm a tad concerned about that.

Targon's Might (e): Hold the phone here. He rushes forwards and carries ALL enemies hit? So its a poppy charge on steroids? And he stuns them if they have 4 or more stacks of starfire? No need for terrain play, so no real counter-play? This one is very concerning. And once again, he has low cooldown's while he's encouraged to build CDR. Hammer form is shaping up to be a real tanky-CC nightmare, especially with COTC.

Divide and Conquer (e): The standered lunge ability with decent damage. Normally not a concern, but with how sword form is supposed to emphasises single combat, a little unnerving. Also, a way to stack up his starfire even faster. That's kinda scary. Add in even more low cooldowns. Ouch. Also, the name is a little confusing. How does dashing forward entail dividing or conquering?

Starheart Surge (r): The Hammers ult. Providing even MORE CC is already scary, but thats not all. A lower-than average mana cost, and two passive powers make this even more frightening. The doubled slow on enemies moving away from you is a nice addition, but the free sunfire cape that stacks starfire while this ability is off cooldown? That seems a little much. Add in decent damaged group pull effect, and your starting to have a rather scary ability all told.

Starheart Rage (r): Even less mana cost for an ultimate ability? Not many mana-based champs have an ultimate that costs less than 100 mana. This is already giving him an edge, before we look at the effects themselves. Adding EVEN MORE shred to defences is really making this guy scary (I mean, what if he builds a Black Cleaver? His entire team is basically doing true damage at this point), and the ability to apply his starfire EVEN FASTER, and you've got a recipe for pain. But thats not all. He can activate this ability to move faster, attack faster, and NOT CONSUME STARFIRE?!? The consuming of the starfire was the only thing giving his opponents even the tiniest window to fight back. with that gone, he's basically unstoppable.

All in all, both his kits have a unique flavor, but seem HIGHLY overtuned. Regardless of which path you take, enemies have very little room for counterplay. His Hammer form has more CC than the illegitimate love-child of Nautalis and Alistar, and his sword form is a better Kayle. Add in the fact he has very low Cooldowns with something to encourage CDR, and relatively low mana-costs, and you've got a bloody force of nature.

For both forms, I'd look to tuning up his CD's and his mana costs, in hopes of giving opponents more windows of opportunity to fight back. For hammer form, ease up on the overwhelming CC and give him some penalties for screwing up the plays. Sword form, I'd lower the survivability, and try and angle players to dedicating to one form of damage in order to give opponents something to itemize against.

I don't hate the kit. Right now though, it seems very, very powerful. It just seems like something that wouldn't be fun to play against, and would be so easy to win with you wouldn't have any challenge.

As I'm running out of space on this comment, my next comment will have my opinions on his lore.

Until then,

-Billcurme-

Billcurme2 votes

And now, the Lore:

My first concern is timeline. Aurelion Sol was gifted his Crown thousands of years ago. That would make Delyora older than Nasus or Azir, who are only so old from being Ascended. How has Delyora survived so long?

My next concern is his lifestyle. If he was part of Targon young or old, he likely would NOT be a part of posh parties and prim-and-proper society. Targon is a military nation based off of Ancient Greece and living in a mountain. They are not the type of society to have parties for winning and dinning. (Also, an embassy is a diplomatic group from one nation living in a different nation. If his parents were a Targonian Embassy, they'd have been living in another part of the world, not on Targon itself.) And if the Targonian's had beef with his family, they'd probably just kill him as well. These are the people that tried to execute Leona just because she wanted to protect instead of kill.

Other than those issues, I can't honestly say the rest of the lore is bad (I mean, you did nail how Aurelion Douche-Dragon would respond to that request.) The biggest issue I find is that I don't honestly care about the guy. He's been given so much shit in life he just kinda... takes it. He's the kinda person who I imagine someone kicking his dog and he's just like 'I deserved that'. Also, the Mask motif has kinda been done with Jhin, though if the mask is different enough there wouldn't be a problem with that.

I really hope this has been helpful for you. I encourage you to keep working at this, keep polishing your ideas, and work hard to turn this champion into an idea ripe and ready for the Fields of Justice! And don't be afraid to keep working at other ideas. Nothing develops a creative mind like exercising it!

Cheers, and best of luck in future projects,

-Billcurme-

CRYOATIC011 votes

Ok, that brings up alot of issues that i need to address XD. i will say in the edited version i took off all the scalings and cooldowns because honestly, i dont think i would do well at balancing them. it just seems like something i should leave to the professionals. in the edited version i changed the ground on his q (hammer form) to shield scaling with his max health. Im not sure what i want to do with the incising strike with 4 or more stacks though. possibly a heal? i will take the heal off the sword. i can shorten the snare to 1 second at all ranks on the w in hammer form i guess. (with 6 stacks on the target) I personally like the true damage on his w sword form but i can reduce it. how does base change of 8% with an extra 2% per stack on the target? sorry my thoughts are a little disjointed here. i can change his ult in sword form to a charge system that alows him to dash forward but i would have to get rid of the overflow passive (probably a good thing) the armour and magic resist shredding goes away after he consumes the stacks. meaning he only gets to shred it for his next ability then he has to go at it again. and regarding his age im thinking that, although he has'nt noticed it him being a hermit for life and all, his working with the Starhearts has prolonged his life exponentially. it helps that in Aurelions lore it gives the illusion that the stars are somehow a part of aurelion. from being around them for so long, some of Aurelions immortality has leaked through the hearts into Delyora. i will work on it. i will be posting the edited version on Monday, December 12th. i will keep these changes in mind and work on it until then. look for it and maybe give some feedback on the changes? :3 sorry if im asking alot.

Billcurme1 votes

I'll keep my eyes open for it.

Now, if you are open to some ideas, i have some suggestions that might make the idea a little more cohesive and enjoyable.

First, your overflow abilites. They are actually interesting abilities and could be fun, but are a little too powerful as simply another passive part of your ult. I would consider moving the overflow abilities to being acitvated abilities for another slot, such as e or w. That way, you could also shift a bit more focus into the gameplay of them, such as knowing when to pop you starfire-cloak thing.

Secondly, I would look towards which CC abilities you could live without for your Hammer form. It just has too much, in my humble opinion. Not even Alistar has as much CC as your hammer form, and thats kinda his shtick.

As for the true damage: It's workable, just make sure its not overwhelming.

A heal might not be a bad idea for his activated abilities instead of his passive for his sword form. It gives him more counter-play, and means you could shift a little more power to it, giving skilled players a way to survive dangerous situations. Rewarding skilled players with your kit is always nice.

For the passive of his sword form, have you considered making it apply only to him? Meaning he can't just stack 6 starfire on an enemy and laugh as his Mage or Adc just melts them.

As for your lore stuff: That works quite well. The one thing is I'd probably change why he was shunned. Perhaps he was born a cripple, which is naturally frowned upon in Targonian Society. He could have been beaten because of that, and rose up to show that he was stronger than they could imagine with the art of his smithing.

CRYOATIC011 votes

hmm. idk what disability i could give him without changing his overall theme. any ideas? hunchback doesnt seem to fit :/

Billcurme1 votes

Well, for disabilities, have you considered a limp? That would certainly make him hated by Targon, and you could counter-act it with a brace to help him move. Perhaps having that brace be the first thing he made with his Star-Forge?

Either that, or he could be blind, deaf, or missing a limb.

Just spit-ballin' here.

As for taking a look at the current version: sure. Just pop a link and I'll hop on and take a look.

CRYOATIC011 votes

do you have a gmail? it wont let you view it unless i share it with you. stupid i know but hey, what can you do with off brand microsoft word?

as for the current version, here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1o5FhTnwnYz7WxSRxmyLnHF09aggGP5VugA0Cg8LbBC0/edit#heading=h.18dadvcfblqc

Billcurme1 votes

I have just now requested permission to view the document.

CRYOATIC011 votes

it's been sent. sorry for the wait, but i will be back in about an hour. comment here if you can :3 also thanks for all the input. not alot of people actually take the time to help revise other people's stuff. infact you are one of only 2 i can remember XD so thanks.

Billcurme1 votes

Not a problem. I'm afraid I'm just about to take a look, as I had some other buisness to attend to, but I'll take a look now that I'm free. I'm glad to help where I can, though I admit I'm partially guilty for not reviewing and revising with other people. I'm a tad shy, so I tend not to help unless asked :$

CRYOATIC011 votes

well more people need to ask XD this is exactly the reviews ive been looking for. harsh, constructive criticism. hard to come by, so again thanks for doing this.

Billcurme1 votes

Alright, I've taken a gander at the revised concept, and I'll give you my two-cents about it.

First of all, I want to say thank you for actually listening to your critiques. You have no idea how many times I've had people ask for my opinion on champ ideas and then ignore every thing I said.

Now with that out of the way, lets begin. Your Kit:

Your Weapons: Hammer is basically unchanged, except the cooldowns are a tad less oppressive. I like the sword form a lot better now, as its less of a Kayle rip-off, and more of someone who feels like he actually wants to dual someone. Have you thought about having it so that the resistance shred applies after he auto-attacks them, and can only apply to one person at a time? It's not necessary, but might give him more of a 'I want to 1v1 you' feel.

Your Q's: Hammer shields instead of grounds, and Sword heals. I like it. The changes allow Delyora a bit more counter-play, and allows a skilled Delyora a chance to turn fights around regardless of which form he's in.

Your W's: For hammer, you combined your old Ult's passive with your old W. It's a nice new flavor, though I must admit I want to buy a Sunfire cape on him right away. (I just have to stand here and you die!). Nothing wrong with that though, considering they both deal magic damage, so both are countered by MR. I might specify when the root is applied by this ability. How about the Root is only applied with the first and last tick, meaning enemies have some time to dash in and hurt you, but if you can keep them there or initiate the fight, they're in for some pain?

As for sword form, not much has changed here, though the true damage is much more reasonable. I'm still a little hesitant. Maybe give it a damage cap on Epic monsters, so he has trouble stealing Baron or Dragon with it?

Your E's: I really like the new hammer E. It highly encourages the Delyora engage on enemies, and if you combine it with your W and get a five man 6-stack hit? Nightmare materiel. That's a large chunk of damage from an otherwise purely tank champ. AS always, the true damage worries me a little, but its not unreasonable, especially considering the scaling.

As for your sword form, I'm a little worried about the knock back effect. Might I offer an alternative, as well as a different wording?

Targon's Reach (e): Delyora lunges forward, damaging enemies in front of him. If Delyora hits an enemy champion, he briefly becomes untargatable as he dashes through them, dealing bonus damage based on the stacks of Starfire and continuing on a distance behind them based on their stacks of Starfire.

If Delyora consumes 6 or more stacks of Starfire from champions hit, he allows the consumed flames to dance upon his blade, causing his next two auto-attacks to deal bonus physical damage based on the amount of Starfire consumed. These attacks count as critical strikes.

I know that's more Starfire stacks then he needs with his other abilities, but because he can get the stacks from multiple champions, it seemed fair to me. If you like it, great! If not, ignore it! :D

Now, your Ultimates.

Your hammers Ultimate is wonderful. A standered knock up that can bring enemies into you if they have enough of Starfire stacks? I love it. I'd scale the damage back to medium, but otherwise its pretty good. I also like that the passive effect only applies to 6-stacked targets now.

As for your Sword form, I'm definitely buying the whole rage motif more as your actively hunting down your enemies. I worry about its similarities to Diana's Ult, but I think it has enough to differentiate it from her with the second cast instead of the CD refresh.

All in all, your kit seems a lot healthier, with more windows of counter-play, and over all much more enjoyable for skilled players. It still could use tweaking here and there, and you will always have to worry about the power of the passive, but its over all a much nice champion.

As for the lore, its essentially the same with you changing his parents and early life-style to something more believable/realistic. Much better. Still not sure why he wasn't murdered for being the son of two traitors, but maybe a member of the War Council had a soft spot or something.

For a summary: Good Job. You listened to your critiques, and took them into account to help flush out your champion, helping to show you genuinely desire this idea to be the best it can be. I'm glad I could be of service to help flush out this champ idea, and be sure to notify me when you post the new version. I'll happily take a look!

Cheers,

-Billcurme-

CRYOATIC011 votes

i think im going to just copy and past that E XD well done man. also, i sent BrichyOrchid8 two copies of this champ (before meeting you, so some changes will DEFINATELY have to be made on that end) also i find that the reason he wasnt killed is that because then, he was only 9. idk if even the noxians would straight up kill a kid for what his parents did after they ALREADY killed his parents. make his life a living hell yes, but not kill. also, the motivation, at least i think, for people to single out one target in sword form is to get max stacks possible then take out that target to continue on to the next one. he gets the most out of his abilities in sword form by singling out targets. but if you feel differently, i can definitely look into it. i will change one thing to the E, possibly make the seconed part magic damage. i know you are not keen on having a hybrid champ being that hybrid because it is so hard to itemize against. but his lore kinda points to him being a regular dude, (except for his proficiency with weapons and smithing) and that the magic he wields comes from the starhearts he has been working with for so long. but i am definately taking that E. my only concern is that with his e only being able to target champions, he will have no escape in his kit. sorry im asking so much here, i want this champ to be the best it can be so im looking over every possible detail.

CRYOATIC011 votes

i just changed it, thanks for all your help! if you have any more input, im all ears. or fingers in this case. (eyes) idk, i am open to any more changes if you have any in mind! also i gave another passive on his w. just something to help him out a bit if he is in a prolonged fight and his target gets out of reach but not incapacitated.

Billcurme1 votes

Alright, to clarify with the E I designed: It's still a skill-shot dash. It just happens to do more and go farther if it hits enemy champions. Hilariously farther if you get Champions with enough stacks in a line :P

CRYOATIC011 votes

oh ok, that makes more sense XD thanks for all your help. hopefully we get a good response on monday. fingers crossed man.

CRYOATIC011 votes

Can i send you the link to the current version and get your thoughts on it? i want to see what all i need to change before i release it on Monday. it's on google docs so you need a Gmail to get to it. does that work for you?

CRYOATIC011 votes

What are your thoughts on the champ? what abilities and or scalings should i change? im trying to make a balanced champ but im still pretty new to this so cut me some slack XD

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