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Jade:The Relentless- Champion Concept

Bisexual Kindred··10 votes·3,593 views

Ok so i had alot of complaints about the w i had previously so i changed it to of a more lore matching ability i also edited the q ability making it more useful

Jade is a female assassin who gets stronger as her health bar goes down but also is vulnerable to cc and is a major mana user, Good ways to play her would to be getting a tear of the goddess early game so you can stack up for late game.

Passive:Vision of fate - Jade knows death is here constantly as she gets closer to it she gets stronger Every 1% of health missing gains 1 attack damage and .2% Lifesteal

Q:Reality swap-

If used on minion or monster (epic monsters not included) She trades places with the minion and deals 120/190/360/450 True damage

If used on a champion She Teleports in front of them dealing 50/90/140/190/240 Physical damage 20% AD Scaling (If the opponent has double the amount the health jade currently has jade gains 10% armor penatration on that target for 4 seconds)

Mana cost:70/80/90/100/110

~~W:Fade Away-~~REMOVED

W:Soul Stealer- While active jade recieves a visual shield, Damage taken From champions or large monsters is reduced by 15%/20%/25%/30%/35%/ but drains mana equal to 70% of negated damage While active drains 7 mana (Annie does 1000 damage At max level 350 of the damage is negated draining 210 mana) Kills during this time do not stack onto her passive, does not reduce true damage or damage from epic monsters

While un-active Killing a minion or monster grants 5 mana onto her max amount of mana (About this ability while its active a visual effect will q so the opponent will know if ur about to attack them its more of a ability to activate when ur around half health so u still get a bonus from your passive but you dont die instantly)

CD:3 seconds

E:Reliance-Jade throws her katana out in a straight line going though minions and monsters(dealing damage to each of them) If it hits a champion she can activate the ability again refunding half mana pulling the champion slightly toward her and slowing as well as halving the cd of Reliance and increasing the damage bonus of blood over glory for 2 seconds

Damage:45/80/110/140/160 CD:10/9/8/7/6 Mana cost:70/80/100/110/150

R:Blood over glory- Jade sacrifices her health to place a mark on the opponent Slowing them by 30% for 2 seconds. she can then activate the mark within 10 seconds when she activates the ability again she makes her target take 200/300/350(+50% of health used to cast) damage damage gained from passive is doubled on the marked target during this time CD:150/120/90 Health Cost:25%/25%/25%

General kit combos: If i was playing jade i would rush a tear of the goddess item 3070 as well as a essence reaver item 3508 to sustain the mana costs i need in lane i would wait till i get around half health so my passive (Vision of fate) kicks in and i receive around 50 bonus ad and some lifesteal. i would hit my E(Reliance) activate my shield Then Q(reality swap) to get in range of the opponent. R(Blood over glory) lowering my health so i do more damage with my passive (about 60 extra damage) as well as the double damage effect from my ulti so i would have about 120 extra ad on top of my current stats i would reactivate my e and pull them towards me while they try to back off granting another bonus amount of about ad 150 autoattack while the slow is still in place and walk away as i activate my r and kill the opponent

if i was playing against jade i would save my cc when she q's to me and buy a qss item 3140 to remove the ulti effect. Avoid her when she uses her shield that usually means shes going to engage onto you her shield does not negate minion damage so bait her into waves of minions try to do some damage though during her shield to drain her mana down she relys on her mana to keep her in game

Counter picks- Annie- Quick burst champ, with cc Vayne- Condemn away, true damage draining her mana but still doing full damage irelia- True damage, Depends on whos lower if irelia gets lower then jade then she can stun her as well as out trade her

Who would jade counter? i need some help on this :)

Quotes: Walking: Death is not to be feared This could be my final journey Who is going to be my final challenger? There is a path. Whose power shall i steal today? Wandering... Just like my past

Taunt: Your skills are going to be mine. They wont be standing much longer

On attack: Is this the challenger? Will they end my pain The blade hungers

Death: Thank you...

Kill: Eliminated Vs:Yasuo- Another dead samurai, another cursed blade. Vs:Zac- You looked alot stronger in the labs Vs:Nocturne- You should of killed me when you had the chance Vs:Viktor- So much power in one machine, ill be sure to control it

During ulti: The blade has chosen you! Vs:Fiora- We both seek worthy opponents, who will live and who will die

Joke: IS THERE NO ONE ELSE? (Gladiator reference)

Dance: She draws a circle around her self with the blade and sits down criss cross stabs the sword in the ground in front of her as she sits she does weird things above her head (if you have seen the healing effects when you kill a jungle camp the green swirly thing) and she just moves it around

LORE: When jade was a young girl (15) she was alone no one there to help her no one to show her how to care. The only one she has was a little brother who was murdered and robbed when out at sea. She went though alot she never had anyone by her side. A lone wolf some people knew her as, just wondering around everywhere...... She was there when jayce attacked viktor..... She was there During zacs creation.... She suffered the nightmares of nocturne And was there when riven attacked villages and was a leader of noxus. One day she found a dead samurai. Beside him was a note saying Beware the true evil lies in the blade and not the individual. As she picked up the note reading it she saw a blade hanging on wall it was glowing and shining brighter then the sun itself. As she walked towards it a evil sensation started to fill her blood. As soon as she grasped the sword. her mind was taken over and she became apart of the blade unwillingly. As years pasted on she learned what the blade could do it could steal the powers of mages take the skills of warriors and take the hearts of lovers. The longer she weilded it the more it killed her. On the inside she was still a lone wolf crying and begging to be free, almost like she wanted to die. but on the outside she was a murderous villian who killed many who defied her or challenged her.She entered into a battle ground known as The league of legends seeking for a worthy opponent to face her. And a worthy person to end the pain and suffering That the blade is causing her.

These pictures are not mine or what not i just found them online just a general idea of what she should look like

34 Comments

Daedalus8715 votes

[{quoted}](name=Vayne Want A Hug,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=,timestamp=2015-04-19T16:58:17.199+0000)

Jade is a female assassin who gets stronger as her health bar goes down but also is vulnerable to cc and is a major mana user, Good ways to play her would to be getting a tear of the goddess early game so you can stack up for late game.

Concept isn't really all that wow on it's own, it really needs some lore to go with it.

Passive:Vision of fate - Jade knows death is here constantly as she gets closer to it she gets stronger Every 1% of health missing gains 2 attack damage 1 Armor and 1 magic resist

So let's get this straight, I'm level 1, I fight the enemy champ and trade and I now have 200 health, ~ 33% left. I now have +60 armor, mr, and +130 damage? That roughly puts my stats at 100 armor and mr with 200 damage. No one can trade with that at level 1.

Q:Reality swap- Jade switchs positions with a target minion or monster Dealing true damage and putting the minion or monster in her place as well as taking its place CD:12/11/10/9/8 Damage:60/70/80/100/120 Mana cost:70/80/90/100/110

I guess this has potential.

W:Fade away- When Goes below 25% health She has a % Chance to avoid damage from autoattacks *Chance:5%/7%/11%/20%/25%

Dodge was removed for a reason. No.

E:Reliance-Jade throws her katana out in a straight line if it damages a minion she recieves reduction of damage from minions and monsters, If it hits a champion she can activate the ability again costing great amount of mana pulling the champion slightly toward her and slowing as well as halving the cd of Reliance and increasing the damage of blood over glory Damage:90/110/150/200/210 CD:10/9/8/7/6 Mana cost:70/80/90/100/110

Decent skill I guess, it's just kind of meh.

R:Blood over glory- Jade sacrifices her health to place a mark on the opponent she can then activate the mark within 30 seconds when she activates the ability she makes her target take 200/300/350 damage damage gained from passive is doubled on the marked target CD:150/120/70

30 seconds for mark activation is too long for mark activation. It's also not clear which damage is doubled.

Ill right lore if people like this if not then oh well i just tried to help :D

You need the lore summary. It doesn't have to be 5000 words, but it needs to let us know who she is.

TLDR: You need to standardize numbers for damage and CD. 150/120/70 s on ult? You need to go over numbers in general. That passive is flat out broken. The skills need more. The most exciting skill in the kit only effects minions. It needs some lore. Nothing to fancy, just a general picture.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

Thank you guys on your feed back, i worked hard on thinking for this champ. changed some things based on what you guys said thank you again for taking ur time on commenting on this

Daedalus8711 votes

Okay, so your champ is sort of having an identity crisis. You want her to be stronger at low health, which is more of a juggernaut (Sion, Tryn, etc) thing, while she is an assassin. This is a major conflict. You don't seem to attached to your lore, but I sort of like the "warrior possessed by their weapon" thing, and it could go well with an assassin.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

{quoted}

Okay, so your champ is sort of having an identity crisis. You want her to be stronger at low health, which is more of a juggernaut (Sion, Tryn, etc) thing, while she is an assassin. This is a major conflict. You don't seem to attached to your lore, but I sort of like the "warrior possessed by their weapon" thing, and it could go well with an assassin.

Well i want her to be a damage dealer (Carry) that fights and deals more damage the lower she is. Her passiv is not op its a weaker versions of mundos ability whatever it is. She will be lane not needing to sustain as much because if shes half she will have more damage on her side so shes ready for death but the blade doesnt want her to die because the blade poccesses her so it makes her more powerful idk if that makes any sense im just trying to explain a little xD

Daedalus8711 votes

This is going to have issues because she has no survivablity. Mundo builds straight tank to get away with his AD steroid. Tryn has a 6 second invulnerability for his, while Olaf also builds tank. Since Jade doesn't have 6 deathless seconds, she is going to build bruiser/tank. And a women with a katana doesn't really scream bruiser or tank.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

well i made her more survivable as well as coming to what i said about her being mana user

Daedalus8711 votes

There have been some major improvements (I'm going to ignore numbers for the most part):

Passive: I do like the lifesteal more than some of the other stats that you've put up here (although it does sort of defeat the purpose of being a low health warrior), but again, not a fan of the AD. If you really want her to be a carry, I would suggest changing the AD for % crit damage (think IE passive). Something along the lines of 0.2/0.3/0.4/0.5% crit damage per 1% health missing. It would encourage her to build more carry/assassin than bruiser.

Q: The biggest thing here that I would do is make the damage consistent against both champs and minions. Although I think that the armor pen needs some changes (more of it or removed).

W: I wouldn't give it the mana increase passive (300 minions gives 1500 mana means item 3043 and roughly 1000 bases gives 70 ad, 95 if you count the base), but other than that just some numbers. I think this could be a cool concept to be seen in the game.

E: I don't really like the idea of a champion having a 3 second gapcloser, especially if they already have another one. I know that they both require an enemy, but I don't like the idea. I would replace it with some sort of AoE/poke nuke.

R: I would make it more of a self buff: Damages and marks a target for 5 seconds (10 is kind of long for an assassin) for 200/275/350 damage. Also marks (can't be spell shielded, can be QSS/oranges) a targets: Passive is doubled against marked targets. 10%/15%/20% of damage dealt against marked is gained as mana.

Other than that, how attached to the heavy mana user identity are you? I think it might be somewhat limiting.

Again, the kit is looking much better.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

{quoted}

Concept isn't really all that wow on it's own, it really needs some lore to go with it.

So let's get this straight, I'm level 1, I fight the enemy champ and trade and I now have 200 health, ~ 33% left. I now have +60 armor, mr, and +130 damage? That roughly puts my stats at 100 armor and mr with 200 damage. No one can trade with that at level 1.

I guess this has potential.

Dodge was removed for a reason. No.

Decent skill I guess, it's just kind of meh.

30 seconds for mark activation is too long for mark activation. It's also not clear which damage is doubled.

You need the lore summary. It doesn't have to be 5000 words, but it needs to let us know who she is.

TLDR: You need to standardize numbers for damage and CD. 150/120/70 s on ult? You need to go over numbers in general. That passive is flat out broken. The skills need more. The most exciting skill in the kit only effects minions. It needs some lore. Nothing to fancy, just a general picture.

i changed some things let me know what u think

killnthecaus3 votes

[{quoted}](name=Vayne Want A Hug,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=,timestamp=2015-04-19T16:58:17.199+0000)

Jade is a female assassin who gets stronger as her health bar goes down but also is vulnerable to cc and is a major mana user, Good ways to play her would to be getting a tear of the goddess early game so you can stack up for late game.

Passive:Vision of fate - Jade knows death is here constantly as she gets closer to it she gets stronger Every 1% of health missing gains 2 attack damage 1 Armor and 1 magic resist

Q:Reality swap- Jade switchs positions with a target minion or monster Dealing true damage and putting the minion or monster in her place as well as taking its place CD:12/11/10/9/8 Damage:60/70/80/100/120 Mana cost:70/80/90/100/110

W:Fade away- When Goes below 25% health She has a % Chance to avoid damage from autoattacks *Chance:5%/7%/11%/20%/25%

E:Reliance-Jade throws her katana out in a straight line if it damages a minion she recieves reduction of damage from minions and monsters, If it hits a champion she can activate the ability again costing great amount of mana pulling the champion slightly toward her and slowing as well as halving the cd of Reliance and increasing the damage of blood over glory Damage:90/110/150/200/210 CD:10/9/8/7/6 Mana cost:70/80/90/100/110

R:Blood over glory- Jade sacrifices her health to place a mark on the opponent she can then activate the mark within 30 seconds when she activates the ability she makes her target take 200/300/350 damage damage gained from passive is doubled on the marked target CD:150/120/70

Ill right lore if people like this if not then oh well i just tried to help :D

Sick champion concept. I like this a lot.

However, I'm not interested in the lore. I'd prefer some hentai first.

Occams Raiser2 votes

Never have I seen someones passive push everyone out of lane. That was a hoot.

Walks into lane with summoner heal, goes all in "murder business". Enemy Jungler shows to see blood in the water. "Wut da fuc? How are 6 levels ahead?" Enemy laner never respawns again. No no. He didn't go akf. He just won't respawn. Its five minutes into the game. When she hits level 6 the server shuts down. She just broke League of Legends.

When they tell her story: The supp was the only one left alive. Whimpering, "She never Q's.... never W's. All I saw was E,R, passive, E,R, passive."

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Occams Raiser,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=0003,timestamp=2015-04-19T19:19:12.169+0000)

Never have I seen someones passive push everyone out of lane. That was a hoot.

Walks into lane with summoner heal, goes all in "murder business". Enemy Jungler shows to see blood in the water. "Wut da fuc? How are 6 levels ahead?" Enemy laner never respawns again. No no. He didn't go akf. He just won't respawn. Its five minutes into the game. When she hits level 6 the server shuts down. She just broke League of Legends.

When they tell her story: The supp was the only one left alive. Whimpering, "She never Q's.... never W's. All I saw was E,R, passive, E,R, passive."

YOU SIR MADE MY DAY XXDDDD

Occams Raiser1 votes

thx

Squarefighter1 votes

Ok there's a few things about this.

  1. Does the ult really have to have a 30 seconds window? Basically you use it once in lane and your opponent is zoned out from the doubled stats on your passive, which leads me to my second point...

  2. The passive would be awful to play against. At 30% health she has almost as much survivability and way more damage than at full health.

  3. Completely remove the W forever. RNG has no place in this game.

  4. The Q and E look fine. My only issues are that Q damage only effects minions which is sortof weird and the E is kindof bland.

You've got the beginnings of something here tho

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

Ok there's a few things about this.

  1. Does the ult really have to have a 30 seconds window? Basically you use it once in lane and your opponent is zoned out from the doubled stats on your passive, which leads me to my second point...

  2. The passive would be awful to play against. At 30% health she has almost as much survivability and way more damage than at full health.

  3. Completely remove the W forever. RNG has no place in this game.

  4. The Q and E look fine. My only issues are that Q damage only effects minions which is sortof weird and the E is kindof bland.

You've got the beginnings of something here tho

Well number 2 thats the point shes supposed to get stronger as she gets lower shes a new kind of champ that i thought would be cool she runs around with low health and still be a freight unless you have a high burst champ that can 1 shot her or a adc that has some mechanics or what not thanks for your feed back i changed some stats around based on your comment :)

XShadowAlkX1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Vayne Want A Hug,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=00020000,timestamp=2015-04-19T19:21:55.243+0000)

Well number 2 thats the point shes supposed to get stronger as she gets lower shes a new kind of champ that i thought would be cool she runs around with low health and still be a freight unless you have a high burst champ that can 1 shot her or a adc that has some mechanics or what not thanks for your feed back i changed some stats around based on your comment :)

First of her kind, Olaf definitely doesn't get stronger the lower his HP.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

{quoted}

First of her kind, Olaf definitely doesn't get stronger the lower his HP.

Shhh

junglerboy161 votes

That is basically what Aatrox Olaf and Poppy already do (they all have the same style of play, but it is implemented much better).

Krfin1 votes

Question:What is her kit suppose to be?

  1. Passive- One word. OVERPOWERED. Shes at half health and had 50 attack damage? At level 1? Yeah... No.

  2. Q- swaps places with a minion . Urgot ult on a minion? 60/70/80/100/120 damage on a minion is horrible. The damage is a lot less than the champions auto attack by itself. With a 12 second cooldown, it wouldn't even be worth putting a point on. Instead of a blink, change it to dash. Increase the damage or take out the damage all together and replace it with a buff of some kind.

  3. W- An assassin with a DPS CC skill. Doesnt fit the kit. Instead of a Ball of Destruction, you should change it to a Grenade or something. Something that fits this champions kit. How would the ball slowly pull champions towards it? If they are running away from it, what would happen? I think instead of pulling the champion, you should just give it a slow of some kind.

  4. E- Why would hitting a katana pull a champion slightly towards her? Damage reduction from minions isn't that useful. Nice concept, just needs work.

  5. R- damage from passive is doubled on the marked target? Isn't the passive only effective on Jade? Need to clarify which damage.

Suggestion: You say Assassin but her kit says Duelist. Pretty much all her skills relate to dueling. None of her skills are bursty in any way or form (ultimate is somewhat, but the double dmg is more for dueling)

  • Passive = no one can one/two vs one her (highly recommend changing)
  • Q = Escape? (needs a little work)
  • W = DPS / Slow. =denies enemy escape
  • E = Decent, but pulling them slightly towards you with a katana doesn't make much sense. Needs a little tinkering.
  • R = Needs to specify what doubles in damage. okay
Bisexual Kindred1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Adolf Swiftler,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=0004,timestamp=2015-04-19T20:34:59.656+0000)

Question:What is her kit suppose to be?

  1. Passive- One word. OVERPOWERED. Shes at half health and had 50 attack damage? At level 1? Yeah... No.

  2. Q- swaps places with a minion . Urgot ult on a minion? 60/70/80/100/120 damage on a minion is horrible. The damage is a lot less than the champions auto attack by itself. With a 12 second cooldown, it wouldn't even be worth putting a point on. Instead of a blink, change it to dash. Increase the damage or take out the damage all together and replace it with a buff of some kind.

  3. W- An assassin with a DPS CC skill. Doesnt fit the kit. Instead of a Ball of Destruction, you should change it to a Grenade or something. Something that fits this champions kit. How would the ball slowly pull champions towards it? If they are running away from it, what would happen? I think instead of pulling the champion, you should just give it a slow of some kind.

  4. E- Why would hitting a katana pull a champion slightly towards her? Damage reduction from minions isn't that useful. Nice concept, just needs work.

  5. R- damage from passive is doubled on the marked target? Isn't the passive only effective on Jade? Need to clarify which damage.

Suggestion: You say Assassin but her kit says Duelist. Pretty much all her skills relate to dueling. None of her skills are bursty in any way or form (ultimate is somewhat, but the double dmg is more for dueling)

  • Passive = no one can one/two vs one her (highly recommend changing)
  • Q = Escape? (needs a little work)
  • W = DPS / Slow. =denies enemy escape
  • E = Decent, but pulling them slightly towards you with a katana doesn't make much sense. Needs a little tinkering.
  • R = Needs to specify what doubles in damage. okay

Fix the skills first, then lore might be an option

Passive: You can easily 1v1 u can burst her down if shes half health u dont remember she is like a yasuo half health she can kill you but if ur annie or something u can bust her down Q: her q is a ability to get in range or get away from champions or getting out of turrets or something your right though it does need some work W: It slows champions and pulls minions to the center E: She grows to be apart of the blade, if she can steal peoples powers im pretty sure she can control it with energy or what not R: the passive damage if shes at 50% she would do 50 Additional damage on top of her passive with her attacks

She is more of a magic type of assassin the blade itself is pure magic and evil Thank you man for your feed back it really help the kit as is though is kinda usefull her spells dont do much because her autoattacks will melt many people if u dont build against her she should be fairly squishy so high burst damage counters her Thank you :)

Colonel Lapoose1 votes

Cool, pretty much cooler than my idea. I made a silly umbrella man named Silas lol XD

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Colonel Lapoose,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=0005,timestamp=2015-04-19T21:30:55.248+0000)

Cool, pretty much cooler than my idea. I made a silly umbrella man named Silas lol XD

lol! xD

Baron of Bread1 votes

Mind if I give a critique?

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Baron of Bread,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=0006,timestamp=2015-04-19T22:04:25.270+0000)

Mind if I give a critique?

Shoot for it!

Baron of Bread3 votes

Let's get started then. Tldr at the bottom.

Each section is independent. For example, I won't consider what I said in the General Feeling section when in the Abilities section.

General Feeling

Lore feel: What we have is an unwilling murder machine; a girl forced to kill by an evil and intelligent magic sword. She can steal the abilities of those she meets. The more she kills the stronger she becomes and the farther from her coveted death. Pretty cool and the League sure as heck doesn't have anything really like this yet.

Abilities feel: A berzerker (stronger the lower on health they are) with reality warping power chooses a target to butcher with her blade and magic.

These are similar vibes in that they are both out to kill, but they part there. The game won't live up to the lore because she doesn't have anything like stealing powers and the only thing she gets from killing is more gold. The lore doesn't really feel like it gives the idea of a reality warper or a berzerker.

I recommend making it so that what the lore promises and the game delivers are the same. Change whichever you want, but one of them needs changing.

Individual Abilities

  • Firstly, since this is a problem with all of the abilities, there needs to be a range listed on each. Without knowing her ranges she could engage from forever away or would have to start practically adjacent. That could really change the feel of the champion.

  • Second, you list no scalings. Is there any reason I would want to build anything other than penetration on this champion? If there are scalings intended you should list them, and if there are none you should state that so it is less confusing.

  • Third, you only list the damage type for one of the abilities. You should list the damage type for every instance of damage.

Passive: 1 more AD per 1% missing health. Pretty straightforward and can be pretty interesting. This is what makes her a berzerker, and I am always happy to see another. However it does feel a lot like Tryndamere's Q passive, only better. The only worry I have is that her kit doesn't have anything in it that lets her stay alive longer while at low health (think Olaf's W increasing his lifesteal or Tryndamere's ult).

Q: Switch places with an enemy minion/monster and deal true damage to it. You should make sure to mention that it does not switch with Epic monsters (Baron/Dragon), unless it does and then you should change it so it doesn't. This is the gapcloser of the kit. Unfortunately, it has very limited usability. An assassin with an ability that does not boost their damage or hurt their target is rare indeed (Diana, Evelynn, Elise). They all make up for it somehow, like a nuke in their passive, having a ton of abilities, or really low cooldowns; this champ doesn't have those things. I think this ability, while it is interesting, is nearly useless beyond lane phase and is generally weak.

W: 3 second duration, DoT, slow field that pulls in minons for the entire duration. AoE of about 175 radius. The amount of cc versus minions on this is interesting and frankly pretty cool. The cooldown scaling with level on this is really weird, I suggest making it a more standard scaling. You need to say how much of a slow this is, and if it isn't pretty big it will probably need some improvements. The damage is also pretty low unless it has some great scaling on it. The name on this one also feels a little weird since nothing about the past or a gate seem related to the ability.

E: Linear collision skill shot that can be detonated to pull an enemy towards you about 200? while slowing them and enhancing your ult's damage buff (50% increase is my guess at how much). If it hits a non-champion it gives damage reduction to sources of that type. The "hitting a monster/minion" part of this feels out of place. I think that should be changed to not be so different from the "hitting champions" effect. I can see why this would cost a lot of mana, considering with 30% cdr you will be throwing this every 2 seconds. This is probably where all of the sticking power of this champ comes from, and a lot of the damage. There is no escape from this champ if they get next to you, which I guess is why their gapcloser isn't very good. This ability is looking like a perma-slow and a constant increase in the ult's passive damage amp. With that in mind, I think this ability has most of the power of the kit. The name feels a little weird on this one as well other than that you are completely reliant on hitting this ability.

R: Delayed nuke that you trigger and costs maximum? health to use. Until you trigger it the damage from your passive is amped against the target. It feels a lot like a longer duration and single target Vladimir ult. I am fine with this because it has more complexity with you deciding when it blows up, so props there. That and that you get benefits from your passive by using the ult is pretty cool (meaning the health cost, not the damage amp). I feel that with the passive combining with the ult and E to such an extent that the only way to keep them balanced would be making it so that the ult is almost required to get a kill. Otherwise the damage you would have with it would just completely destroy a target with little to no hope of making it out, tank or not.

General Kit

The power distribution looks like R>E>>>W>Q to me. While the Q is the gapcloser and that usually brings a lot of power, it just feels really limited in use and is vastly out shined by everything else except the W. The W feels less useful in the lane phase (unless it has a long-ish range, then it is good poke/zone), but in fights it can actually do damage and that helps its case a lot. Its slow however is probably negligible unless the E slow isn't that strong. I just rank the ult above the E because of the power amp from the ult, which should out weigh the E when the ult is up and you are low on health.

The E and W seem to have good synergy, since the E can pull the enemy back into the AoE so they keep taking damage. The Q doesn't really have any synergy other than getting you close enough to actually hit the enemy if you can't reliably hit the E.

I highly recommend changing the power distribution on the abilities. If you don't this will feel a bit like Cassiopeia's Twin Fang, with one ability completely defining the kit and overshadowing everything else. I think shifting some power from the E to the Q and the W would go a long way, with some general buffs to the Q.

You said this would be a heavy on the mana champ, but I am not seeing it. Sure, your E will burn mana pretty fast, but the rest of the kit isn't likely to be used enough to require a large mana pool.

If this is supposed to be an assassin type of champ you need to take another look at the abilities. Assassins are supposed to burst down an enemy. This champ has very little burst and seems to be mostly sustained damage, befitting a melee ADC or bruiser. The issue with that is they have no real defense mechanism, so they can't fill that role well either.

Lore/VO

Her younger brother died, but what of her parents? It would be worth mentioning why they aren't around either. Also, the death of her brother didn't seem to affect her much. She just seems to have just acknowledged it and then moved on.

Then she wanders. She sees some very interesting things, like the creation of a secret weapon in a secret lab in Zaun and Jayce and Viktor fighting in Viktor's lab. She was also apparently watching Riven and visited the Institute of War (I guess? Nocturne's whole lore is worthless after the Great Recon). So she must have spent some time in Zaun, Ionia, and wherever it is Nocturne's lore ends up being relocated to. In any event, she has a lot of places in her lore and this could use some trimming down unless there is a decent reason for her to be spending so much time sneaking around Zaunite labs.

She finds a samurai corpse and a magically evil sword. Seems reasonable, and considering it is a samurai the Ionia parts of her lore should stay. Not necessarily the watching Riven part, but the being there certainly.

Evil sword takes over her body, reveals its powers and starts a murder spree. Great part here, defines the character for what she should be in game and turns her into what we see today. Defines what archetype we have on our hands and shows us a new one that can be really interesting.

She joins the League to get killed or stronger. Shows us she has some influence left as well as gives us more understanding of her character. Unfortunately the League of Legends is no more (lore recon), so you should avoid mentioning it in the lore.

All in all this gives us a unique champion to enjoy with a gritty and supernatural evil feel. A person forced to fight and kill but who is struggling against the possession, constantly hoping and fighting for release. She feels like she is in a pretty good spot for future stories, but they might be pretty similar to a reluctant, non-Freljord Olaf.

The VO is a little weird. It feels like she is mostly just tired of being possessed by the blade, not so much struggling anymore. Her taunts actually feel like it is the blade talking more than her, which I am fine with if the rest of her VO would include the blade talking as well. Her death quote is a bit long, I recommend shortening it a bit so it sounds less stiff.

TLDR

Mostly just summing up the issues.

The lore and the kit don't feel linked. The kit's power distribution is R>E>>>>>>>>>>W>Q and it should be more evened out. You should provide more details in the ability descriptions. Kit doesn't really have the burst needed to be an assassin or the durability to be a fighter. The lore has a few blemishes but is overall pretty sweet. The VO feels a little off from the lore.

Hope this helps with any adjustments you might do in the future! I would love to see a fully developed concept of this champ.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

Wow thanks for the feedback everyone and ty for telling me whats needs ajusting

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Baron of Bread,realm=NA,application-id=A8FQeEA8,discussion-id=A8gcZ818,comment-id=000600000000,timestamp=2015-04-20T06:20:53.313+0000)

Let's get started then. Tldr at the bottom.

Each section is independent. For example, I won't consider what I said in the General Feeling section when in the Abilities section.

General Feeling

Lore feel: What we have is an unwilling murder machine; a girl forced to kill by an evil and intelligent magic sword. She can steal the abilities of those she meets. The more she kills the stronger she becomes and the farther from her coveted death. Pretty cool and the League sure as heck doesn't have anything really like this yet.

I changed some abilitys what do u think of the change?

Baron of Bread1 votes

The ranges still need to be listed. The reason I make such a big deal about them is that they are what makes the difference between Xerath and Viktor.

On why scalings should exist: If this is an assassin, they had better not be building tank. Assassins should have decent to good scalings on their abilities, otherwise they either don't have enough damage to kill or can kill while also being tanks. In order for this champ to not be in either of these categories I recommend giving the abilities some good scaling.

Damage types still need to be listed, as far as we know this could be a hybrid damage type champion (which would be really strong on an assassin).

The ability changes

  • The change to the passive seems good to me. It should help her stick around at low health and boosts jungle viability.
  • The boost to the Q is great and the double health effect is pretty cool. Makes it a useful skill throughout the game while leaving its jungle viability. You seem to have accidentally removed the cooldown on the Q and it could use a higher scaling.
  • I love the new W, it has really interesting mechanics and can make for a really high skill cap. The on kill mana back should probably scale with rank, otherwise you won't be getting much mana back at higher levels. Unfortunately, I don't see this ability as a whole fits the character. It still doesn't have the "skill stealing" feel, so it doesn't help fill out that promise from the lore. It is more of a bruisery ability than assassin ability as well (this is not a problem as assassins need some defense, but it is worth mentioning).
  • The E deserves its own section.
  • The R now slows, has a constant health cost, and a health spent scaling. I like the slow and health cost changes. I don't particularly like the health spent scaling, unless you plan to turn this champ into a bruiser.

It's called Reliance for a reason

This ability has some problems. Unless it gets some changes most of the damage this champ does will come from it. With 40% cdr this ability will be up every 1.8 seconds. This is up about as much as Urgot's Acid Hunter with about double the base damage and 15 more mana cost if you include the refund. It also slows, pulls the enemy towards you, amplifies your damage and damages minions while passing through them. There is way to much power in this ability. It also has no scaling, so you can still deal ridiculous amounts of damage by building nothing but armor pen, cdr and tank.

There is also no range listed which makes a big difference for this skill. If it has a long range than I can see them shredding their opponents from a range. If it has a short range than it makes more sense and is used to stay on the target.

Final thoughts

There is still a disparity between what the lore promises and what the kit provides. We still don't have skill stealing and we still don't have a reason to expect a berzerker. The lore was completely unchanged, which I think should be.

I mostly liked the changes, but I do have some thoughts on what additional changes might help. If you want to hear them I would be happy to share, but if you ask for them I will want to know what exactly you are looking for this champion to be.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

ok so i forgot to mention the fact that the mana she recieves from killing minions is added onto her max mana which kinda does match in with the skill or ability stealer because mana is used to cast abilitys. the more she ques up or farms up the longer her shield can stay and the more damage she can take during the shields time the idea here is to get ur initiater E your gap closer Q your sustain/tankiness w and your amplifier r all in all this champ would be more of a 1v1 or 1v2 type of champ

i hope you understand what im trying to say. btw do you know anyone she would counter?

Baron of Bread1 votes

If she builds a little defense she would probably wreck most close range burst folks since if she survives the burst she will be able to rip them to shreds while they won't have enough damage to finish her off.

Jade probably counters Katarina pretty hard with the E to disrupt the ult and if none of Jade's allies go down Kat will have no escape. Kat probably won't be able to kill Jade without the ult going all the way, thanks to the W.

Cho'Gath would counter her hard. You get low on health so you can do damage? He eats you. He also brings all of the cc and durability to stop your onslaught.

Nasus would get countered since you could just kite him with the E until you can kill him. In lane I don't know how exactly it would work out but I bet you would ruin his farming and bully him back to his tower.

She might counter Teemo. This would require testing, but I would expect her to win any fight she gets into with him despite the blind. I know he probably won't escape her thanks to the E.

She would counter Sion because she will have better in lane harass, she will be able to prevent him from using his Q and she can swap out of the way of anything he throws at her.

She probably counters Swain. He won't be able to sustain through her damage and she can easily enough dodge the Nevermove and stick to him.

That should be enough people she counters pretty hard. She might counter more if her ranges are long, but I don't know what they are.

Bisexual Kindred1 votes

Dang thanks for all the help youve put into this :) even though most champion concepts get overlooked i really appreiciate you helping me with this im not good at range of abilitys but ill try to fix them when i wake up tommarow

Baron of Bread1 votes

No worries, I am glad to assist.

Simplicate1 votes

The swords probably on it's period 24/7

junglerboy161 votes

Ok...

The concept itself is actually rather bland, and has a lot of overlap with several already existing champions. Family killed while a child matches with Vayne, Corrupted by a living weapon matches with Varus, Katana wielding Assassin is just cliched in general. She seems rather one dimensional. She kills things because her sword makes her. Woooo.

Passive: This is extremely strong early game, easily giving her over 50 raw AD for the majority of the game (even level 1), for absolutely no interaction on her part. I'm ok with a steroid passive, since it is just a passive, but try to tweak the scaling a bit, maybe try out 1% missing health = .5/.75/1/1.25/1.5 AD, or 1% missing health = .5% increased damage dealt (including spells).

Q: Interesting mobility spell. It has limited use cases that I can see, deals low damage, has 0 scaling, but also has a very high mana cost for no apparent reason but to have a high mana cost. The whole swap place with you target thing can work, but this is such a limited ability I'm not sure it works. Also, how is this in any way connected with her character? It seems rather random.

W: This is an interesting one (looking at "past's gate") I like the gradually sucking in nearby enemy minions part, that is pretty interesting. What is the range on this? Why is the CD so arbitrary (6/6/5/5/5)? Again, why does this have 0 scaling on it? Again, how is this in any way connected to the possessed swords-maiden archetype you have going on here?

E: This is an interesting ability. I like the champion pull and the buff that it gives to your R+Passive combination. The minion+monster damage reduction seems a little tacked on though, maybe have it instead pass through minions and monsters? Again, needs a scaling, mana cost has no reason to be that high at all, and lastly, does the reactivation cost as much as the initial cast? or does only the recast cost mana? I would suggest making the damage buff it gives her ult scale with ability rank (i.e. level one it lasts 2 seconds, but level 5 it lasts 6 seconds).

R: A simple damage steroid, seems like it would be useful for assassinating a target. I like how there is the option to combo this with her E to get a little spike of extra damage off right near the end. 10 seconds is definitely a much better duration than 30 seconds.

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