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im toxic, advice?

shyv··3 votes·671 views

i didnt really wanna start my own discussion but every other one has just been "i got reported for being toxic but im NOT and i dont deserve this!" so let me just, get that shit out of the way

im kind of an asshole on league. i deserved my ban. i've gotten chat bans before but i've never gotten an actual time ban and I have 2 weeks now, and im realizing if i don't get my shit together i could lose my entire account, so i kind of want to fix it and not be an asshole.

i've tried a lot of different methods to just be nice when i play but most of them dont work. i tried /muteall for a couple weeks but considering league is a team game it's pretty hard to play when you dont have communication with your entire team. i listen to calm music. i AM calm when i play league, i dont get angry, i just dont think before i say things, and my attitude is definitely making me lose more games. i can and often do singlehandedly destroy teams

how do you deal with things? not even just really bad players like, simple mistakes, i go off on people. even my OWN mistakes i'll look for any excuse to blame a teammate. is there a chance i can fix it, and not be toxic anymore? or should i just uninstall and not play again after my ban? i really can't pinpoint where exactly im going wrong it's just kind of bad in general im a bad person to play with

i dont expect anyone to answer this nicely however, if any of you have advice, especially if any of you are reformed toxic players, i would love to hear it

14 Comments

EvilMerodach3 votes

Try recording your games. Ones where you had a really bad score. Or maybe only died 3 times the whole game, but they were all near the end and you lost. Replay those. Watch the game, but try to not think of yourself as yourself, just as another random person playing a random champ. See how many mistakes/misplays you made vs allies. Gives kind of a new prospective. Might find some recurring things you do wrong.

For example, I'm a jungler. I place a high priority on dragons. They are valuable, I play mostly 'late game' style (I don't try fancy shit to get 1st blood, build for full items, not short snowball power spikes), so, dragons are pretty important to my playstyle. But I did notice I had an abnormally high amount of deaths around dragon pit. Mostly from trying to steal dragons or fight over dragon vision control when it was a lost cause. So I knocked down dragon a little on my priority list, more likely to give them up and do something else if we don't have enough allies around. Started dying a little less, which, overall, is just better.

Then try to bring that back into your games. If you see yourself being way out in top lane with no allies and no vision, and die to a gank. Maybe think about it like 'How noob must my allies think I am for doing that?' 'Where else could I have been on the map that wouldn't have got me killed?' 'What objective was the safer objective to take?'

May not help you win that game, but it might help future games. And if you see yourself making the same kind of mistakes your allies are making, you'll be less likely to rage at them.

Ally dies 1v3 cause they were trying to take a tower? You've totally done that before. Died trying to flash/smite dragon? Done that before too.

Maybe you wouldn't have done it the same way they did. But probably nearly every mistake you see allies make, you've probably made a really similar one at some point in your LoL career.

shyv1 votes

that would actually help a LOT. im well aware that i need something to destroy my league ego and watching myself fuck up over and over sounds like a good way to do it lol. what recording software do you use?

EvilMerodach1 votes

[{quoted}](name=trying too hard,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=xQXO5voM,comment-id=00020000,timestamp=2015-11-26T07:36:11.646+0000)

that would actually help a LOT. im well aware that i need something to destroy my league ego and watching myself fuck up over and over sounds like a good way to do it lol. what recording software do you use?

I wouldn't want to suggest a particular one, cause I'm a bit confused on rito's feelings about apps. (Could be against ToS and I wouldn't know.) But I think most of the popular ones are safe. Though, they're all a bit buggy sometimes. item 3070

Another option...if you have a secondary computer. Make a second account. Spectate your own game, pause it when the spectating starts (3mins into game I think?) Then watch it when it's over. It's a little awkward, and doesn't let you exactly 'record' your games, but it's pretty much bug free and defiantly not against the ToS.

Or just use one of the top 3 LoL replay type apps. They're all...decent enough. Really do wish Riot would release their own, but guess that'll have to wait a while...

Zero Shingetsu2 votes

Sometimes you don't. We all have our times when we just snap and start chewing people out. If it's not an anger thing, the only thing I could suggest is to change your actual habits, and that's easier said than done. "Don't say anything" is a good advice, but impossible if you can't control yourself. Unless your toxicity is generally aimed at the other team. In that case, you can turn all chat off, and your messages won't go out.

Maybe look at a toxicity sink? Find some game where toxicity is more acceptable, and after a few rough games of League, go there and go hog wild?

If being chewed out bothers YOU, thinking of yourself in the position of the person you want to yell at might help. If it doesn't, though, that won't work. :P

shyv1 votes

first of all, thanks for the reply. i think the main issue comes from me being kind of autistic and i have pretty bad empathy issues because of that. not that it's a good excuse or anything, just the whole "think of yourself in that situation" thing doesnt really work. but the toxicity sink thing might. i just dont want to get in the habit of using people as punching bags, even if it's not on league and i wont get banned for it, it's a pretty bad habit i would rather take it out on some npcs. any games you recommend? games that let me be mean with no consequences lmao

Zero Shingetsu1 votes

Well, Call of Duty is generally a really furious place, but I'm not sure how you feel about FPS games. I know I'm not a fan myself, I'm terrible at them. :P Another thing you might try is getting into an MMO where raids are pretty common, and find a guild that has something like Teamspeak. If you're talking to someone in person, you might be less likely to fly off the handle at them. Or at least you could put a jesting inflection on your words in the hopes you could be toxic, but then you could all have a laugh about it.

I'd ask my autistic friend for advice, but her advice would be "never play PVP", haha! She stopped playing PVP for similar reasons. She wanted to lash out at people, but didn't want to.

Edit: I realize the MMO idea isn't League, but it MIGHT be good therapy, if it works?

shyv1 votes

yeah you're definitely right, i think what i need is an easy game with lots of low level enemies that i can kick the crap out of to restore my ego without being a dick after i get my ass handed to me in league lmao. also.... is swearing something i can get banned for? not swearing AT anyone, just in general, im really bad at controlling it

Zero Shingetsu2 votes

I strongly doubt it. As long as you're not swearing AT anyone, I don't think Riot minds. They have the censor as an optional thing for a reason, I presume. :D

Skadeglädje1 votes

I'm trying to figure out exactly why you resort to flaming. You seem a bit confused yourself, like it's something that "just happens". Even though you say you are calm and don't get angry I doubt that's entirely true, even if "anger" might not be the correct word.

One thing catches my eye; "even my OWN mistakes i'll look for any excuse to blame a teammate". In psychology this would be called externalizing or external attribution. The theory goes something like

  1. mistakes were made,
  2. we feel bad about ourselves because mistakes were made,
  3. we lack the capacity to endure the bad feels about ourselves so we
  4. find a scapegoat and transfer the blame to them and now that
  5. THEY made the mistake and THEY are bad we
  6. feel good about ourselves again!

Pretty straightforward stuff (and in many cases a good thing to do but I won't jump into the psychoanalysis here...) but when we react this way frequently and automatically (which you seem to be doing) we might get ourselves in trouble; in your case you risk having your account permabanned.

What you could try to do is try stop the process at step 3 next time. Mistakes will be made and we will feel like idiots for fail flashing the krugs wall but if you can take a deep breath and aknowledge that "I feel like a freaking noob" and own that feeling, that might be a way to stop one outburst of flaming. And if you can stop one, you can stop the next one. Etc ad infinitum.

shyv2 votes
  1. we lack the capacity to endure the bad feels about ourselves so we
  2. find a scapegoat and transfer the blame to them and now that
  3. THEY made the mistake and THEY are bad we
  4. feel good about ourselves again!

this is DEFINITELY true. whenever i play one of my mains and have an off game, i refuse to accept that it's me doing badly with the champ that i main, so i look for someone to blame so i don't have to look like an idiot sucking at my main. really bad habit when i main leona & surviving laning phase at all requires a lot of teamwork. thanks for that, i didnt even realize i was really doing it until you pointed it out lol

Skadeglädje1 votes

Np, good luck!

edit: I should add that REALIZING that you are externalizing in the first place is a pretty huge step forward to changing the behavior, so you're halfway there by now.

shyv2 votes

i am pretty committed to changing my behavior now that im realizing the threat of losing my account. i've bought skins, climbed ranked, made friends (god knows how) and had a lot of fun on league over the last few years, and i want that back, i dont wanna be the bitch that ruins games all the time. it's no fun and it's not the point. video games are supposed to be fun

Umbral Regent1 votes

I'm dead sure that this won't work for everyone, but my personal way of keeping my toxicity to a minimum is to avoid talking as much as possible in-game. If there are people around in reality - or even if I'm alone, I'll speak openly about what I'm ticked off at in the game without telling it to the people I'm playing with unless it's actually a big deal. On top of that, when I do talk to people, I either suggest actions, or reprimand them concisely. Don't speak unless necessary, and if then; make it short and sweet. Vocalize cutting remarks, and type out the shortest, most blunt thing you need to say. Although, this does have the possibility of feeding the projective mentality that makes people toxic, it's at least helped me keep from making bad situations worse. I hope this helped a little, and it's good to see repentant players. [slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

shyv1 votes

vocalizing my dickishness instead of typing it definitely used to help me. i just made the switch from laptop to desktop a few months ago and since i dont have a mic anymore i havent been skyping my league friends, so instead of telling my friends how stupid my adc is, im telling my adc which sucks and makes them play worse. hopefully i can get a mic soon, if not im just gonna start swearing out loud to myself lol. thanks !

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