People have told me that my behavior is negative but they have yet to explain why when I've already shown my thinking that if something is the way it is then there's nothing positive or negative about it. It is what it is. Why this would harm the morale of the team, I dont know. In the logs the majority of the things said had little to nothing to do with the team. Considering the majority of the comments were proven facts (My crap playing ability, jungler only coming when it suits them, team voting no in surrender when the enemy had lost no tower, had 3 times our kills and we were pushed back to inhibs, etc) I still dont see how anything I had said was negative. They were all true, so there was nothing positive or negative about it. Much like saying someone's kid got accepted into Harvord or someone was suffering spousal abuse, there's nothing positive or negative in either statement. It is what it is.
If I say that Jungler is not coming until it suits him, it's because it's true. Everyone has those games where jungler never leaves jungle, you see it everywhere in the boards when jungler is involved. If I say I can't do something or can't help because I can't do something or I suck to badly to do it, it's because it's true. 4k+ games played and lost more than half that number while being stuck in bronze 5 for 3 years is more than sufficient evidence to support this. If I say team won't surrender it's because they keep telling me to stop putting in surrender vote, have 1/3 the kills the enemy has, enemy is mostly fully built while we're still trying to build our 3rd/4th item, took no towers and currently pushed to our inhibs. Again, there's nothing positive or negative about these statements. It's all true and what they are.
The major reason why I say I suck at the game is because there's no point in defending that im not. Wobbly Jibbler made that clear when I got my chat restrictions. So if defending myself is out of the question, i'm going to own up to it. It's what Riot wants to see after all. So every time I die I would apoligize and explain that I suck. I would do this every time I make a mistake because this is what Wobbly Jibbler gave me the impression that this is what he wants me to do. Everyone always seems to want some sort of explination when something doesn't go the way they want and I provide it to them. "Why are you not under tower?" "I am. Their teemo is poking me under tower and I'm dying under tower" "No you're not, why are you not under tower?" ".... Sorry, I suck". It's this scenario over and over again. Only when I say that I suck do they stop asking me the same questions over and over again. It's the only thing they want to hear from me. So if saying I suck is the only thing people want to hear from me, I will so as many times I need to.
I've already stated my view on how this should have no reason to drag the team down. The statements I made in chat were all true, so there's no negativity in it. If there's no negativity in it, why should they feel 'dragged down'? I'm the one that sucks, not them. Im the one dying repeatedly, not them. I'm the main reason we're losing the game, not them. Why are they feeling dragged down when everything I said was true and had little to nothing to do with them?
At no point was I forcing them to mute me. If they feel offended by the comments I've made (Dont see how) they're certainly free to mute me. If they don't use it and let themselves be distracted by my comments, that's on them. I'm not forcing them to read my comments or feel however they want to feel over my comments (Especially since my comments had little to nothing to do with them). I cant force people to do anything in this game. Riot makes that clear every time they tell you not to defend yourself.
My previous punishments were the result of defending myself against people telling me I suck. I've been before that it's not my job to defend myself so that was why I got the chat restrictions. Since it's not my job to defend myself, I may as well own up to the fact that I suck. This is what Riot wants to see by saying it's not my job to defend myself. So now I have a ban that was the result of adopting the behavior that Riot wanted me to have by not defending myself. If I'm not supposed to defend myself and i'm not supposed to own up that I suck, then what do they want? To stop using chat? I've already asked to get chat removed or put me in perma chat lock if people were having such issues with me talking but they say that "Chat's an integral part of the game and cannot be altered"... So they dont want me to defend myself, they dont want me to own up to it and they dont want me to stop talking... So if they don't want these things, what do they want? 'To stop being toxic'? I wasn't trying to be to begin with. So if noone's going to tell me how any of my behaviors are toxic and against the rules already put down, how does anyone expect me to know what 'not being toxic' is? I cant even not talk because I still get the notification that I've been reported. So not talking does not get rid of the problem.
So if i'm doing everything Riot was telling me to do and it still results in me getting punished, then where's the problem? My line of thinking leads me to the players. Much like in the logs, little to nothing was said about them. I'm not offending myself from what I've been saying about myself, so why are they getting offended?
I get that it's a teamgame and that I'm part of that team, but if I dont tell my team that I suck at this game, they're not going to make any preparations to do anything about it. Whether it's leaving lobby to find team that doesn't suck or make plans so they can help me when needed, they have the right to know. I'm part of the team, I'm also the weakest link in almost every game. How does the team expect me to be of any help if, left on my own, I end up failing the team? I have 4k games played and lost more than half of them. It's the same case almost always every time so no amount of 'every game is different' makes any difference there.
The bit about 'what they say about themselves is their problem is true. Because while people see me typing as me beating myself up, I just see it as stating the facts. I'm not being negative about myself, im stating the facts and apoligizing for it. It's not harming me, why should it harm anyone else? Im not feeling depressed, turmoil or pain. Why would your 'empathy' imagine a feeling that's not there? Because of the way it looks? I've certainly had my share of people asking if I was retarded, autistic, stupid, depressed, emo, adopted, the list goes on. I used to say no to them but apperantly this fits in the parameters of defending yourself. So I do nothing but agree with them now because that's the only thing Riot wants to see from me. Does it matter if it's true? Of course not. The only thing that matters is that i'm not defending myself.
So saying your opinion is moot is not the issue at all here. You're at least making the effort to help me out with trying to understand this rather than saying 'it just is' or 'you're too stupid to understand. Don't think that I dont value people's opinion just because most people seem to think that. They're not me so their assumptions don't mean anything since they don't bother to make the effort to help someone to begin with. My issue is I don't know what it is people are getting offended over or why. People who tried to give explinations rarely make the effort to defend their points and just summerize it as me not caring or being too stupid to figure it out. If I'm stupid in this regard, then help me understand. Otherwise I'll be doing this for another 3 years with no reason to stop since there was no reason why it would wrong to do this to begin with.
