So I was in a game just now where our Udyr REFUSED to gank mid (me) and bot just because me and the support died once each, so he considered us "shit" players and decided to just let us lose lane, we won the match but still, would that be considered griefing?
Not unless he verbally harassed you.
There's no required strategy for junglers. A common practice is to focus on your winning lanes, and leave losing lanes to their own devices. One death seems like it shouldn't be enough to call you "losing" and abandon you, but hey, can't punish the guy for making a bad strategic call.
Did he call you a shit player? Or did he just not come to the lane?
He shouldn't have called you shit players, but when you gank a losing lane there's a lot of extra risks involved that can make it a bad idea. Usually the best gank is to snowball a lane that's going even. In the end, one of the junglers jobs with ganks is to snowball a team mate into a late game carry. If he doesn't think you can carry he's better off going where he thinks someone can get things done.
