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Help Only Works if You're Willing to be Helped

Mandaari··31 votes·2,094 views

I started playing this game nearly 5 years ago. A couple of friends got me into the game and we played a lot of 3s together. Like most people when we started we were all total noobs. I love kiting playstyles, so naturally the first champion I was drawn to was Ashe. I built the crappiest build on her because I wanted to kite: Boots of Swiftness, Randuins, Youmuu's, Frozen Mallet, etc. Clearly I was a total noob, but I didn't know it then. I was prepared to tell anyone that beat me that their champion was OP or some other bullshit like that.

And that's exactly what I did. One game I played against a Yi and he destroyed me (I got destroyed a lot). After the game I started spewing out how dumb Yi was that I couldn't kite him. I was absolutely furious at the guy - the picture of nerd rage. By all means the guy could have just left, but he didn't. Instead he tried to help me out, and for whatever reason I decided to listen. He told me what to build instead and even queued with me. I got IE and PD instead of the god-awful build I had before and obviously did way better. I decided to swallow my pride and thank him, profusely apologizes for being an utter ass to him. We didn't become friends; there was no continuation; the guy did me a massive favor that I didn't deserve and disappeared into the night.

Now you might be thinking, "Well obviously you were completely wrong. Nobody in their right mind would build what you did and do well. The guy was just pointing it out to you." You'd be 100% right, and 5 minutes later I was thinking pretty much the same thing to myself. But 5 minutes prior I knew I was right about my crappy build.

Fast forward to the present. Now I play a lot of ARAM - pretty much exclusively. I regularly play ARAMs at an MMR high enough that occasionally client features the game (it's rare, but it happens). My point is I know what I'm talking about when it comes to ARAMs. My friends and I decided to play an ARAM during my lunch break at work. I jumped on my smurf to play at their MMR (A regular smurf, not an ARAM smurf). We get some really strong team comp with a lot of range in it. In some stroke of coincidence I was playing Ashe. Our team was pretty range/poke heavy. Their team was mostly melee champions, one of which was a Kha'Zix. Part of the way through the game Kha'Zix starts complaining about how BS the comps are and how he literally had no chance to win. According to him the game was decided at champion select.

I get really annoyed when people give up right off the bat, so I decided to try to help the guy out. I started to tell him that there was a way he could have won, but he refused to hear me.

Ashe "If you stall the game out you'll have had a decent chance of winning."

Khazix "We can't do anything against that comp."

Ashe "You're wasting all of your abilities trying to poke us instead of clearing the wave."

Khazix "That won't do anything. You just out comp us."

Ashe "You started offensive items that you're getting no benefit from. You should have gone more defensive."

Khazix "You're stupid if you think we can do anything to win this."

Ashe "You're making zero effort to avoid taking poke. Some of you aren't even in experience range."

Khazix "STFU, you just out comp us."

Ashe "All of the minions are dying to tower and the CS is going to waste."

Khazix "OMG shut up we can't do anything."

His whole team just gave up, and needless to say we won. I stayed in the lobby afterwards and told him I'm trying to help him out. I never berated him or said anything other than what he could have done. My friend vouched for me, telling the Kha'Zix that I was on my smurf and I play ARAM at a high level. Still, Kha'Zix was having none of it. He knew he was out comped and had zero chance of winning just like I knew that my Ashe build was amazing and Yi was OP. Then he left, refusing to see reason. I see this same scenario all too often.

There are people that are legitimately trying to help you out, but they can't help you if you aren't willing to be helped. Just entertain the fact that you might be wrong. Best case scenario you learn something new and win. Worst case scenario you lose anyway. Trust someone who has been down that path. Your pride isn't worth the misery it's causing. Take a deep breath, relax, and understand what's being offered to you. If this guy hadn't helped me out If I hadn't accepted this guy's help years ago I never would have grown as a player or as a person for that matter. The next time you think someone is singling you out and bitching at you ask yourself this: Is he really bitching at me or do I just think he is? Am I wrong? What if he's right?

I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.

23 Comments

Eleshakai8 votes

Honestly, I think better advice is to simply tell people that giving advice to people in tgame who haven't asked for it is begging for trouble. Realistically speaking, the odds of someone playing a different role and champ at the same level as you knowing YOUR role and champ better are low.... so chances are if I tell you what to do, I'm likely wrong.

But more importantly, if I start second guessing what I'm doing DURING THE GAME, that hits my confidence, which makes me play differently and reduces me odds of success... a bad build is a lot less harmful than lacking confidence. I've seen people win with the most hilarious builds because they played their champ so well despite that that it didn't matter.

You're better off, if you want to offer someone advice based off of a game, be friendly to them without offering advice, and then after the game add them as a friend and then ask them if they'd like to hear out your ideas on what alternatives they had that they could have done with their build.

People are generally, psychologically speaking, unwilling to receive advice and tips during stressful situations... so don't try, unless they show signs of being receptive.

That being said, I do wish people were more open to advice... however, it's not likely to happen in our lifetime lol

Mandaari1 votes

I think this might have more merit on SR, but in ARAMs not so much. In ARAM people's success is generally about their ability to adapt to anything. By nature people can't really specialize and everyone needs to know everything. In that sense there's a really good chance that someone knows your role better.

As far as confidence, I've had mostly the opposite effect but I have seen instances where you're right. Today I had a game with a Jax in it who thought our best way to win was to go ham 24/7, even when the rest of the team couldn't catch up to him. The other team had a lot of ranged CC that made it really hard to follow up with him. I asked him not to get so far ahead and play back a little more, and that if he was going to play our initiator he should build righteous glory (this was an ARAM) and consider captain enchant. He a) refused to modify his build, insisting that damage and resists were more important than allowing 4 other people to capitalize on his stun and b) ended up playing scared and sat so far back that he was never in position to do anything. We ended up losing and he claimed I was singling him out. In the end it both helped and hurt, but in the end I think it's on the person who's refusing to accept help. If the person offering help isn't yelling at you or abusing you, yet you're refusing to even consider listening then that's your fault.

Eleshakai1 votes

{quoted}

I think this might have more merit on SR, but in ARAMs not so much. In ARAM people's success is generally about their ability to adapt to anything. By nature people can't really specialize and everyone needs to know everything. In that sense there's a really good chance that someone knows your role better.

As far as confidence, I've had mostly the opposite effect but I have seen instances where you're right. Today I had a game with a Jax in it who thought our best way to win was to go ham 24/7, even when the rest of the team couldn't catch up to him. The other team had a lot of ranged CC that made it really hard to follow up with him. I asked him not to get so far ahead and play back a little more, and that if he was going to play our initiator he should build righteous glory (this was an ARAM) and consider captain enchant. He a) refused to modify his build, insisting that damage and resists were more important than allowing 4 other people to capitalize on his stun and b) ended up playing scared and sat so far back that he was never in position to do anything. We ended up losing and he claimed I was singling him out. In the end it both helped and hurt, but in the end I think it's on the person who's refusing to accept help. If the person offering help isn't yelling at you or abusing you, yet you're refusing to even consider listening then that's your fault.

I don't disagree... but psychologically speaking if you try to correct or criticize - even with the best of intentions - during a high stress situation, people are not likely to listen to it. Competitive games, as fun as they are, are also stressful... so it is normal for most people to not respond well to criticism - even politely worded.

Mandaari1 votes

You're totally right, but that's what I'm asking people to be aware of. When you're stressed out/angry your judgement is clouded. You tend to act emotionally, which is usually just wrong. I've been there a lot, and I'm very happy to say that I've learned to get past it. A lot of times people need to just take a deep breath, collect themselves, and try to think objectively. Getting past that first hurdle of realizing you're speaking/thinking out of anger is the hardest, but it pays off.

Eleshakai2 votes

{quoted}

You're totally right, but that's what I'm asking people to be aware of. When you're stressed out/angry your judgement is clouded. You tend to act emotionally, which is usually just wrong. I've been there a lot, and I'm very happy to say that I've learned to get past it. A lot of times people need to just take a deep breath, collect themselves, and try to think objectively. Getting past that first hurdle of realizing you're speaking/thinking out of anger is the hardest, but it pays off.

Of course it is important to recognize that... but what I'm saying is that there's a burden on you as well. If you recognize you're trying to offer advice at the wrong time, why are you offering it?

Both sides have a part to play... if you're going to offer advice, it's up to you to offer it at the right time. If a person JUST got a divorce, I'm not going to walk up to them and offer marital advice. I'm going to help them work through their stress, anger, etc., and then if they're interested I'll offer them advice later.

Timing your advice is important... it's one thing if you're just unaware... but if you KNOW that offering advice during high-stress situations is likely to result in failure... you're just as to blame for the advice not being received well as the person who didn't listen because you know better but still did it.

Scuttler Slayer4 votes

I'm just curious, at that high ARAM MMR, do you queue with SoloQ diamonds/ Challengers or do a lot of people have no banners at all?

Mandaari10 votes

Anything and everything. Unranked and bronze to master usually. On the rare occasion there's challenger.

Scuttler Slayer1 votes

Aight, appreciate the reply.

junglerboy164 votes

I wish they had ranked ARAM, I would play that without end, because in my mind ARAM is the true test of champion mastery since you have to be able to manipulate whichever champ you get in an accelerated game mode.

Sanguine Law4 votes

Well, I had a plat duo bot lane in my Normal game a while back, in fact, I think it was at the point where my normals MMR was ridiculously high (talking diamond/plat and occasionally even a master) which is above my skill level by 2 leagues if you're going solely by elo. I mean I did pretty decently in lane but never really carried, bar the odd game or two with my main, Lucian.

Anyway, I was stuck with mid lane as the duo bot took bot lane first. I played LeBlanc, a champion I'm fairly confident on and one of the only mid laners I can actually pull off pretty well in my elo, but for some reason I kept dying and messing up and I had no idea why I was being stomped so hard. So the duo bot instead of flaming me like crazy, decided they should help me out by telling me what it was exactly I was doing wrong. "You keep getting caught out in these really weird positions LB" he said, which kinda rung a bell. So I went back to the replay and looked over at where these "weird positions" were, and they were right. Every time a team fight was happening or an objective was being contested, I was in the front lines looking to jump right to the back and make a pick.

Obviously I didn't click that maybe jumping past 2-4 other enemy players to maybe pick up a kill on a carry was a bad idea and I should either flank or just wait for their CC to go down before I went for the kill, at the time I was just hell bent on the idea of making a pick, W'ing back to safety then teamfight won. I saw they were a much higher elo than me so I assumed that there was truth in what they were saying.

Pryotra3 votes

This is why I only give help to those who ask. Sad, but there is no point in trying to hand a specific person knowledge if they aren't ready to receive it.

slippykitten2 votes

I think its better to spam laughs. Very rarely will anyone on either team take criticism, helpful or not, so maybe if I make them frustrated enough they will go watch a video or read a build.

BLU Medic2 votes

I'm always open to advice, and if I am in the position to, I'll give it too. I've just developed a mindset in which I assume everyone's better than me.

As to matches being won or lost in champion select, guess who won this match? Purple team.

Izbiz1 votes

If he wasn't willing to accept help, why were you so persistent about helping him?

2 much sauuuce3 votes

What's better? Playing against a good opponent and losing cuz he outplayed you, or playing against someone who has no idea what they are doing and stomping them like a field full of Teemo mushrooms?

There is literally ZERO fun in playing a match where the other team just rolls over and dies.

Mandaari1 votes

Well for one, Riot tried to balance ARAM around people like that Kha'Zix. I'm definitely not OK with that.

googlemaster1 votes

idk you kind of sound like an ass. but you are smurfing so shrug. should probably not sound so preachy and ide actually believe the convo and game went down like you are saying it did. i mean shit, at least leave in *some *sort of modesty in a few sentences.

DarkFaun Fortes1 votes

I know i'm a shit player, I dont get much freetimne to play. If you good give me any tips it would be much appreciated, I've been looking for help.

Sammystorm1 votes

You can add me and I can try to help out I am not the best but know some stuff.

TwitchInMyPants1 votes

I give advice sometimes but I've mostly given up on it. For some strange reason the majority of LoL players are super stubborn on their opinions despite the fact they're playing a game with hundreds of different tactics and optimization only will take you so far when alternate strats give you entirely different strengths to pressure with. You have to maintain an open mind to improve at LoL yet most players don't seem to do that and instead just meta whore and whine when they don't win for free.

Poptart Evelynn1 votes

If it's a kha complaining about out comp it's actually true in most cases. Sometimes you can literally just outcomp a team and win regardless of skill once it hits where everyone is max build/late game.

Kha now days can't simply build defensive and get good results. You can't tell me that Panth top and Lee jungle wont get out comp'd(outscaled) lategame against a Sej/Shyvana comp. They simply do get out comp'd late game.

I agree that you can't give up but there is also a point where picks win late game if both sides are evenly skilled. If a team picks all adcs can they be out comp'd? Yes? So that means that other picks can be out comp'd too.

(It's not decided at champ select but late game if full builds and even skill level it can be lost due to picks, they shoulda done something better early game with an early comp)

GnomeDigest1 votes

You are delusional and prone to self aggrandizement if you dont think some ARAM games are decided at champ select.

46104328_DEL1 votes

Everytime I try to help someone, I get auto-CR'ed, because they're in a premade with their friends.

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